A weeks bachelordom - What to do ?

Pacing Mule

Title kind of says it all. My wife and child are off on holidays tomorrow for a week. I have had to stay behind due to work commitments. So it's me and the dog for the week. Any suggestions on what to do with my first week of bachelordom in about 12 years other than overdosing on porn

leg

Pageant Messiah wrote: »

Title kind of says it all. My wife and child are off on holidays tomorrow for a week. I have had to stay behind due to work commitments. So it's me and the dog for the week. Any suggestions on what to do with my first week of bachelordom in about 12 years other than overdosing on porn

This is AH so coke and hookers

bonerm

Build a fort.

Denerick

I second coke and hookers.

If that doesn't work out, get ecstasy and hookers.

Failing that, just get the hookers.

Superbus

Mischief.

Nothing better.

alwaysadub

Host an After Hours beers in your house.

Provide coke and hookers. Obviously.

christ on a bike!

First thing you do it take a big dump in the morning with the door of the jacks wide open and no need to flush.

Then you can bring your football inside and practice keepy uppy in the hall.

Have a big poker and beer and whiskey and cigar night with all the lads.

Coke and hookers.

SoupyNorman

Pageant Messiah wrote: »

So it's me and the dog for the week.

Give it a go sure.

El Siglo

bonerm wrote: »

Build a fort.

Denerick wrote: »

I second coke and hookers.

If that doesn't work out, get ecstasy and hookers.

Failing that, just get the hookers.

You're all wrong:
Build a fort;
Buy some coke;
Hire some hookers.

I call it El Siglo's BBH Plan, better than the BBB plan... shudders down my spine.
I've also invented seven minute abs...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9mioHO4hoM

BraziliaNZ

meet gay men off the internet and have sex with them in your house

DOC09UNAM

Let me know what time the Coke and Hookers party starts.

Ruu_Old

Sex with your neighbours wife.

djk1000

Vegas on the wifes credit card, for coke and hookers. Build a Fort for when the wife sees the bill.

caseyann

this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2UVsyVLLcE

Superbus

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

meet gay men off the internet and have sex with them in your house

I thanked that, then removed it because I thought it might look like propositioning.

Pacing Mule

Ruu wrote: »

Sex with your neighbours wife.

Which is still sex with a neighbour

BraziliaNZ

Superbus wrote: »

I thanked that, then removed it because I thought it might look like propositioning.

well I'd imagine gay sex with men must be better than marriage sex. And I'm straight. I think.

Superbus

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

well I'd imagine gay sex with men must be better than marriage sex. And I'm straight. I think.

Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

Pauleta

Let a local band rehearse and play a gig in your gaff and have a massive session. No beer or mixers just spirits and then take advantage of one of the bands groupies.

Pacing Mule

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

well I'd imagine gay sex with men must be better than marriage sex. And I'm straight. I think.

I think you're not but whatever floats your boat - go off and explore.

Praetorian Saighdiuir

1/ Paint the house.
2/ Take the bins out like she told you to.
3/ Fix the things around the house that she told you to.
4/ Dont let your friends come over..like she told you not to do.
5/ Dont get pizza because you are getting fat..like she told you not to do.
6/ Dont piss on the toilet seat.


Man, you are whipped.....whuppppish!, whuppppish!!

1/ Buy beer
2/ Buy meat
3/ Buy more beer
4/ Ring friends and friends of friends who know sexy female friends who like beer and meat.

........and just see what happens like!

Zen65

I'm reading some very poor advice to you OP, so let me present an alternative view:

You've only go one week, so if you opt for the "coke & hookers" idea you're storing up years of guilt, remorse, or worse (if she ever finds out) in exchange for a very short period of fun.

A better strategy might be to make your wife so proud, happy and maybe a little guilty for leaving you behind that she'll want to please you better than any hooker could.

So, tackle any home-improvement type jobs that you've been putting off now, to surprise her when she returns. Also, be sure to take care of any laundry / ironing that builds up during the week, so she doesn't have to face that when she comes back.

OK, it's less fun than the coke & hookers suggestion. But frankly if you're the kind of person who would take that option you would not have come here looking for our advice, right?

Be at peace,
(and let us know what you decide to do)

Z

Denerick

Jesus Christ, don't follow Zens advice. Raid your offsprings college fund and your joint savings account with your wife and lease 10 hookers for 5 days. You should enough money left over to buy several kilos of quality drugs. On the final night, double the number of hookers.

phill106

Zen65 wrote: »

I'm reading some very poor advice to you OP, so let me present an alternative view:

You've only go one week, so if you opt for the "coke & hookers" idea you're storing up years of guilt, remorse, or worse (if she ever finds out) in exchange for a very short period of fun.

A better strategy might be to make your wife so proud, happy and maybe a little guilty for leaving you behind that she'll want to please you better than any hooker could.

So, tackle any home-improvement type jobs that you've been putting off now, to surprise her when she returns. Also, be sure to take care of any laundry / ironing that builds up during the week, so she doesn't have to face that when she comes back.

OK, it's less fun than the coke & hookers suggestion. But frankly if you're the kind of person who would take that option you would not have come here looking for our advice, right?

Be at peace,
(and let us know what you decide to do)

Z

One fatal flaw.
What if she expects him to continue as he did while she was away.... For the rest of his life!
Not worth risking it. Play some playstation in your underwear, while ordering pizza.

Praetorian Saighdiuir

Zen65 wrote: »

I'm reading some very poor advice to you OP, so let me present an alternative view:

• 
  You've only go one week, so if you opt for the "coke & hookers" idea you're storing up years of guilt, remorse, or worse (if she ever finds out) in exchange for a very short period of fun.

• 
  A better strategy might be to make your wife so proud, happy and maybe a little guilty for leaving you behind that she'll want to please you better than any hooker could.

So, tackle any home-improvement type jobs that you've been putting off now, to surprise her when she returns. Also, be sure to take care of any laundry / ironing that builds up during the week, so she doesn't have to face that when she comes back.

OK, it's less fun than the coke & hookers suggestion. But frankly if you're the kind of person who would take that option you would not have come here looking for our advice, right?

Be at peace,
(and let us know what you decide to do)

Z

There isnt a "facepalm" unique enough for this one!!!

He's got tho be taking the P**s!

questionmark?

Zen65 wrote: »

I'm reading some very poor advice to you OP, so let me present an alternative view:

• You've only go one week, so if you opt for the "coke & hookers" idea you're storing up years of guilt, remorse, or worse (if she ever finds out) in exchange for a very short period of fun.

• A better strategy might be to make your wife so proud, happy and maybe a little guilty for leaving you behind that she'll want to please you better than any hooker could.

So, tackle any home-improvement type jobs that you've been putting off now, to surprise her when she returns. Also, be sure to take care of any laundry / ironing that builds up during the week, so she doesn't have to face that when she comes back.

OK, it's less fun than the coke & hookers suggestion. But frankly if you're the kind of person who would take that option you would not have come here looking for our advice, right?

Be at peace,
(and let us know what you decide to do)

Z

Please not this is After hours where men go for real advice that can only serve to actually benefit not pansy advice!!

OP have a good **** to clear the mind then go get some beer and by some i mean half of your local offie. Send a text to everyone in your contacts list stating your having a party ask that your friends bring the coke and your friends of friends bring their slutty friends( saves on paying hookers) make sure to capture a married friend sniffing a line of coke with a bottle shoved up his arse getting head off one of the sluttiest friends of friends and use this photo to bribe him into cleaning up the house before the auld ball and chain comes back. simples

Bajingo

Zen65 wrote: »

I'm reading some very poor advice to you OP, so let me present an alternative view:

You've only go one week, so if you opt for the "coke & hookers" idea you're storing up years of guilt, remorse, or worse (if she ever finds out) in exchange for a very short period of fun.

A better strategy might be to make your wife so proud, happy and maybe a little guilty for leaving you behind that she'll want to please you better than any hooker could.

So, tackle any home-improvement type jobs that you've been putting off now, to surprise her when she returns. Also, be sure to take care of any laundry / ironing that builds up during the week, so she doesn't have to face that when she comes back.

OK, it's less fun than the coke & hookers suggestion. But frankly if you're the kind of person who would take that option you would not have come here looking for our advice, right?

Be at peace,
(and let us know what you decide to do)

Z

I agree..if you love* someone enough to marry them..you won't want the hookers..

Do a bit of cleaning for her..but mainly sit on your ass and eat pizza..

*I know some people are idiots and marry people for other reasons..

Sorry, not really an AH answer...

weiland79

Three words for you WORLD CUP WEEKEND!

Think about it right.
You can start at 8 o'clock on Saturday morning,with a can of beer. The beauty with this plan is that you can have at least 36 hours of solid beer and football fun.
Not to sure what you can do on Saturday for football fun,but at least you'll still have beer fun.
All the while comfortable and assured in the knowledge that there is no one there to give you guff.


Oh and F*ck the ironing. Wimmin folk like doing that kind of thing anyway....

fizzynicenice

Zen65 wrote: »

A better strategy might be to make your wife so proud, happy and maybe a little guilty for leaving you behind that she'll want to please you better than any hooker could.

Hahahaha not possible.

Wife < Hooker

everytime.

elnino35

1st thing...make sure you delete this topic and your posts before wifey returns and sees what hubby is up to..;)
2nd thing...beer and hookers:D:D

mikom

We're men, okay? That means a few things.

We like to shit with the door open.
We talk about pussy.
We go on riverboat-gambling trips.
We make our own beef jerky.
That's what we do.

easyeason3

mikom wrote: »

We're men, okay? That means a few things.

We like to shit with the door open.
We talk about pussy.
We go on riverboat-gambling trips.
We make our own beef jerky.
That's what we do.

Sometimes men forget to close the door when taking a dump. Usually when they are hungover & it's all scuttery.

Men also talk about pussy in front of women in the hope that they appear knowledgeable & hopefully get some of said pussy.

I don't know what riverboat-gambling trips are but men do gamble in front of us.

Also I don't know what beef jerky is. I am not American but have heard it mentioned on American programmes.

El Weirdo

Zen65 wrote: »

I'm reading some very poor advice to you OP, so let me present an alternative view:

• You've only go one week, so if you opt for the "coke & hookers" idea you're storing up years of guilt, remorse, or worse (if she ever finds out) in exchange for a very short period of fun.

• A better strategy might be to make your wife so proud, happy and maybe a little guilty for leaving you behind that she'll want to please you better than any hooker could.

So, tackle any home-improvement type jobs that you've been putting off now, to surprise her when she returns. Also, be sure to take care of any laundry / ironing that builds up during the week, so she doesn't have to face that when she comes back.

OK, it's less fun than the coke & hookers suggestion. But frankly if you're the kind of person who would take that option you would not have come here looking for our advice, right?

Be at peace,
(and let us know what you decide to do)

Z

Bet you didn't realise the missus had a boards account did you OP?