Confessions of an Unemployed Bridesmaid

Rainbow_Bright

My friend has her bachelorette party coming up in the next few weeks...

Naturally I want her to have a great time. The thing is that between accommodation (it's a weekend rather than one night), food, entertainment and spa treatments, it's going to amount to quite a few hundred.

A few months ago, I lost my job (recession!!) which means that I've had to curb my spending a little. Normally money isn't an issue but around that time I have so many other expenses e.g. other weddings to go to, car insurance etc. The chief bridesmaid has advised that the bride-to-be is not to pay for anything (apparently it's the norm...) so along with my own expenses, I have another share towards my friends accommodation, food, drinks.

Should I mention that I'm not sure I can afford it , perhaps only go for one night..? I'm one of the bridesmaids so I feel it's a duty to be there...

I feel bad for thinking like this as I love my friend and want her to enjoy herself but it's stressing me a little... I feel like a bad bridesmaid & friend for even considering not going.


Advice please!


Thanks.

x

Getting there

Stop beating yourself up about it!

There are so many people in a similar position to you who just cant afford the same things they could have when they were working and earning!

If youre a bridesmaid, then you must be quite close to the bride so she will understand that you just cant justify it at the moment! Go for the one night, ask whoevers organizing it which will night will be the 'big' one so to speak and go down early afternoon for it!

You never know, there might be others in the bachelorette party that are in the same boat!

Please dont get too upset about it though, my sister had hers last year and said she didnt mind when some girls couldnt afford it/afford to take time off work etc because the wedding is the big day after all. And she met them all separately for drinks between then! Hopefully your friend will understand too!

tinkerbell

Don't be stressing over it - you are unemployed, money is tight and asuch can't afford to be spending hundreds on flimsy weekends away. I mean seriously - in this day and age, having a hen WEEKEND rather than a hen night? That's crazy. I mean jees, sure your friend is getting married and all but yah it's a happy occasion - you don't need an entire weekend to celebrate her last bit of freedom.

Only go on what you can afford to go on, if that means you can just go for the night in the hotel and meal, but no spa treatments then fine. If she's a true friend then she'll understand. Besides, I think it's a bit much asking everyone to give up their entire weekend, I think it's insane.

easyeason3

OP you shouldn't feel guilty about not being able to afford it. Fair is fair & given the way things are at the moment I don't think anyone should make you feel bad or guilty for going for one night.

And I think hen & stag nights have gotten out of hand in the last few years. The way some people carry on is ridiculous. I know of one bride that had six hen nights. SIX!

Stupid in my opinion.

tinkerbell

^^ Yep I know of one who went to the UK to have a hen night, then had another one back home in Ireland (same with the groom), then they had another joint night out together before the wedding, then the wedding, and then another party after wedding. Like in fairness - do they think that people have nothing better to be doing than going to 595985895598589 parties celebrating a marriage? That's what the wedding day is for. By the way, I'm not friends with these people - I just know of them.

easyeason3

tinkerbell wrote: »

^^ Yep I know of one who went to the UK to have a hen night, then had another one back home in Ireland (same with the groom), then they had another joint night out together before the wedding, then the wedding, and then another party after wedding. Like in fairness - do they think that people have nothing better to be doing than going to 595985895598589 parties celebrating a marriage? That's what the wedding day is for. By the way, I'm not friends with these people - I just know of them.

Yeah it's just pathetic in my opinion. One night is more than enough & expecting people to go abroad for it is just silly.
Leaving aside the hen/ stag night I usually spend approximately €800-€1000 on the wedding day itself between a dress, shoes, hair, tan, present, hotel room,drinking money for the wedding day & the day after.

I think a hen night is a great way for people to meet before the wedding so they can mingle with each other on the big day.

peggie

best of luck, i know is hard not to join the whole lot
you're not alone in not being able to afford it, my bride had one hen abroad to which i went, neither of the other bridesmaids could go so there is now an irish leg- hotel and spa, its kinda snuck up on me even though i was planning it and now unless i use the cc we will have 100 euro household budget for the next 2 weeks, if i don't drink! credit card it is- i'm lucky though i have a job so while it will mean no new clothes for a while i'll still be able to survive
enjoy what you do go to
peg

billybunty

I agree with the other postings, if you can at all say it to the chief bridesmaid. My hen was due to be at the weekend and I hadn't factored for anyone to pay anything for me, I wouldn't expect it. Even my friends that are working are hanging on financially by a thin line. Not wanting to go off the beaten track but I cancelled my hen as I was feeling this from the people attending, it seemed to be a chore and I didn't feel comfortable knowing that on the night people went as they "had" to and not because they wanted to, this was just half the group. However, the few friends that I really did want to have a night out with have organised a quiet few drinks this weekend for me and I'm delighted. Low key and I'm putting them up in my house. My OP is going to a european city on his stag this weekend and all his mates are paying. But, they booked cheap flights/hotel and there are a good few going so the cost per head is as cheap as being here for a weekend.
Point being, I guess, if you don't have don't wreck your own head about it. I am sure the bride would prefer to have you there happy and not stressed and affording what you can.

Cadyboo

I think that people do go a little overboard, my sister is getting married next year and all her friends have houses, kids etc. so they have all decided to do a manage to cover the costs of the hen. They will be giving me ten euro a week to save for them. WE dont know where we are going yet, but they all want a weekend.
However there will no pressure on the girls that cant make it, there will be a kitchen party thing for all those who cant afford to go.
I think you need to tell your friend now that you can only make one of the nights, as the longer you leave it the harder it will be.
Weddings are so expensive to attend anyway without the added pressure of spa weekends!