In Law Bother

LegacyUser

Hi there

Head is wrecked from this one - this post is a bit of a mooaaan !!

Been going out with my o/h for about 6 yrs now.
Things are good b/w us but having some trouble with the in laws at present.

I used to get on fairly well with them, although I soon started to see that his siblings have their own issues which i wont get into but often when we would visit his parents house , there would be a bit of a tense atmosphere there. We used to go out there a lot - which was down to my boyf wanting to. Found this hard but I could handle it . We eventually did stop calling out as often but still maintained fairly regualr contact

About 3 yrs ago my boyf's brother came home from travelling with his girlf .While they were getting to know her i noticed that relations between myself and them deteriorated. They have gone as far as to exclude me while at family events ie invite me to dinner but not speak to me during the meal ... nothing you can directly confront anyone about ..at first i put it down to the fact that they simply get along better with the bro girlf. But as time has gone on i have really started feeling a bit pixxxsed off as i dont see the need for behaviour where i am excluded whilst in their company. The only other reason that i can think of for this behaviour is that myself and the boyf went through a rough patch with a few arguments at one stage and maybe they felt we werent right for each other. that said , the boyf and i got over it and are getting on v. well now.

Recently one of the sisters had an party which my boyf was to help out with. We were late arriving (15 mins) but they were so annoyed at us over it. We are sometimes late for these events but my boyf doesnt consider it a big deal- it obviously is and i do feel bad over the fact that we were late . On the way I had an exchange on the phone with one his sisters who clearly was v. annoyed. My boyf pulled her up on it and told her he considered how she spoke to me during the call inappropriate. She responded by cornering me when i arrived to the house and said " im sorry if you think i spoke to you in this way". Bit of a BS apology and i found it so patronising. She could have just said "yes i was annoyed with you " etc. I didnt go any further with her on it but felt awful while i was there. i just thought her comments showed a complete lack of respect.

I started to distance myself a bit by calling out a bit less and saying a little less while there. I also got a little petty by not going to a party which i had said I would attend but just felt too annoyed to go after the incident above.

Went for a meal there again recently - his siblings didnt talk to me during the meal.That said i didnt talk to them either - i just waited to see the lie of the land. They had reserved a seat in the middle of the table for my boyf and the minute he came in they signalled for him to sit next to them. He even commented to me after how rude it was after.

i know i am starting to react in the wrong way to this behaviour. I just am not sure how to deal with it. i want us to get along , not be "best friends" or anything but just be able to enjoy the time we spend together and not be stressing about each visit. My boyf is close to his family and is v. hurt at this behaviour also.

Boyf thought about bringing up some of the issues with them but we thought it might just resolve itself.

His mother recently asked why we hadnt been calling out as often but we had agreed not to bring it up to see how things pan out.

After the last meeting though I am unclear as to whether we should bring it up or let it lie.

Sorry long post and a bit of a rant - anyone else have a simialr experience?

Victor

Bluesbrothers wrote: »

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