Is it possible to be friends with someone you are in love with?

LegacyUser

I'm married and have kids. Have never been happy in the relationship but stayed for the kids sake.

Now I have met a recently seperated woman who is fantastic. we hit it off almost immediately and for the past 6 months have been friends. recently she confessed her love for me and i couldnt help myself but do the same. we never kissed or anything at all. i told her i could never leave my kids but couldnt help how i felt. also said i know how unfair it was to tell her but it was the moment.

The way it was left was that i would not be pursuing an intimate relationship with her at all, and she accepted that. We want to be friends as we do believe we have a special connection. so much in common and the company is easy.

but now im wondering if it is possible to just be friends. maybe its all ruined now. we have been very supportive of each other and it would be sad to lose that.

I dont know how it will pan out but im wondering if anyone has had a similar experience.

can you be friends with someone you are in love with?

Contessa Raven

Hi OP,

I don't think it is fair to be friends with someone you are actually in love with. The reason being that although you have told her that nothing can ever happen, by being friends with her it may give her hope of something happening down the line.

I can understand that you want to hold onto that friendship but could you now be in the same room with her knowing she feels the same, without acting on it?

Btw, is she married also?

Is there any way of you ever being happy in your marriage? Can the problems be rectified through counselling? The reason I ask is it might be beneficial for you and your wife to work through your issues.

IMO, it is very unfair for the children to be in a home where the parents are unhappy. (My own home was like this. It resulted in my mother having an affair which caused untold pain and misery and still does to this day, 8 years later. I'm an adult now and I still resent her.)

Think about what being friends with this woman means to you, your marriage and your children.

merlie

Hello Op,

Yes, I do believe you can be friends with someone you love, but in as where as the friendship part forms the basis of your relationship with her. Friendship is the foundation upon which your relationship is built. You love each other, you are willing to respect each others situation and understand that presently things are awkward but you are both willing to bide your time while sorting your lives out, which is a good thing if you want to have some future together as a couple.

You would have to reassure her that you have feelings for her but at the same time you want to build on the friendship and get to know each other better.

As to your marriage, as you said you are unhappy in it, so you must be aware that being in two places one that is and one that is not, can cause issues. You need to sort this all out as the longer you leave it the worse it will become for everyone. I know you are staying for the children but you must think clearly and you must sort things out. I would go to the citizens advice and ask them about your rights so you know where you stand legally.

I wish you the best of luck

Beruthiel

whattodowhattodo wrote: »

can you be friends with someone you are in love with?

I don't see how.
If I were in love with someone who I could not have a proper relationship with then it would melt my head to see them on a regular basis.
How could I possibly get past this if they continued to be in my life?

If she is in love with you and you are committed elsewhere.
Let the woman go so that she can get on with her life and find someone who can commit to her.

I'm married and have kids. Have never been happy in the relationship but stayed for the kids sake.

Your children will not thank you for this you know.
As they get older they will see the loveless marriage you are in.
The unhappiness of both their parents will not be lost on them.
Do you wish to teach them that this is what marriage is?

Either fix your marriage or get out of it. Involving a third party at this point just makes the mess you are in, bigger.

jurgenscarl

If you are in love with this women and she feel the same way, you both are just going to give into the call of nature and have sex at some point in time when you are both alone together the longer this goes on.

You can't pretend to be 'friends' when both of you clearly aren't.

Teenage kids and young guys and girls going to college are 'friends' when in fact they have the hots for eachother.

You have to decide right now whether you want to keep up the facade of a failed marriage for the sake of your kids while having an affair or try to retrieve your relationship with your wife and never see the second woman again or leave her and the kids and start openly having a relationship with this woman.

It's your call at the end of the day.

Wibbs

Beruthiel wrote: »

I don't see how.
If I were in love with someone who I could not have a proper relationship with then it would melt my head to see them on a regular basis.
How could I possibly get past this if they continued to be in my life?

If she is in love with you and you are committed elsewhere.
Let the woman go so that she can get on with her life and find someone who can commit to her.



Your children will not thank you for this you know.
As they get older they will see the loveless marriage you are in.
The unhappiness of both their parents will not be lost on them.
Do you wish to teach them that this is what marriage is?

Either fix your marriage or get out of it. Involving a third party at this point just makes the mess you are in, bigger.

This and Nope you cant.