Space between babies

gaeilgegrinds1

What would ye suggest? I'm eager to go again, we want a big family, little fella was born end of March. What do ye think? Husband thinks I should take a break, based on his professional opinion on the matter. I'm eager to go again, is there any reason not to?

Nevyn

I would say in terms of health and your body to wait at least a year to make sure you have built up all the vitamins and elments pregnancy removes from the body but ideally 2 years to make sure your back and pelvis have recovered.

Ideally to take in other factors such as chasing after a toddler and having to try lift them around the place when heavily pregnant I would say spacing them about 3 years apart, plenty of time for you to recover and for the older one to have a good routine and not be as clingly or dependant on you while you are heavily pregnant or trying to also mind a new born.

I have seen family member utterly worn out with kids with only 11 to 18 month between them when they are under 4 years old, it's hard work.

January

I have 14 months between my two and I am not exhausted ... I did find the the last month hard on lifting the toddler into the cot in the night time though...

gaeilgegrinds1

I just love being a mother so much I'd love a big family but want to enjoy each one for the little person that they are too. I think it's easier for men to say wait but I am so afraid of early menopause, runs in the family. I felt exhausted for 6 weeks after this little fella but am flying it now. Noticed my hair and skin don't seem great so maybe vitamins etc lacking. Is there anyway to check fertility? I'd gladly wait if I knew it was safe to do so. I think I've read that 3 years is good regarding clingyness etc. My aunt had 3 babies 10 month between each and it looked grand but now they're 13,14 and 15 and nightmares so that worries me. I suppose it's hard to think of them as that age when they're so small.

athlone M

Hi gaeligegrinds
After the birth of my son in March 2008 I was broody again by that July (something similar to yourself) and after discussing it with himself we decided to try again and see how we went and sure enough 4 weeks later I ws pregnant with my daughter who was born in May 2009. During pregnancy it was hard at times with being tired or feeling ill or whatever and knowing that until himself came home from work that I had to look after him and couldn't curl up like I had done while I was pregnant with him, but this to me is not an argument not to have another child.
My son and daughter now are very close with only 13 months between them they are lost without one another.
I have spoken to my husband on a couple of occasions about having another baby but not just yet but before our son goes to school as I don't want him to think we are replacing him.
Hth
ps we have busy days where it seems like all I do is feed them and change them and pick up toys and put them down for naps but I love it and wouldn't change it for the world

stovelid

We've left two years but only because of our own age. Would have preferred to have left about 3-4 years.

Ickle Magoo

There is 11 months between myself and my sister and 15 months between my two - I think it's far too short a gap as a parent and as a sibling. Not only can it really hard on the body but it's a revolving door in terms of sleepless nights, feeds, toilet-training, etc. It has it's pluses, of course, just as one is coming out of the stage the other is going in but that in itself can be hard - depending on the stage.

Both my sister and I used to hate being lumped in together in events and classes, almost twins but not quite. It's great now and we are really close but I remember some hum-dinging arguments growing up as we fought to gain some space, independence and individuality for ourselves - tho I'm sure that had a lot to do with us both being girls.

The biggest thing I'd point out is that your time with the new baby is really limited. I loved the hours I spent playing and cuddling and mooching about with the wee man, I really missed that with his sister and I envied my sister who waited until she had one is play-school before going again so she could give the new baby lots of attention rather than trying to juggle everything which I found really tough going...of course, you would probably be a much better juggler than me & it wouldn't be an issue!

cch

Have a look at this article...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4918662.stm

Khannie

We left 3 years between the births of our last two and felt that it was a little bit too much. It effectively ruled out the possibility of a 5th (unless we have twins next time around, which I would love ).

I suppose to each their own. I wouldn't be mad about that 14 month gap that Adrienne has for example, but she's happy enough so game on.

LashingLady

I have a 2 yr old and am 7 months pg with No.2. There will be 2 yrs 3 mths between the two of them. I'm pretty happy with this age gap, but I don't think I would have been ready for trying for another one untill No.1 was 1 as that is the time I started to feel "normal" again last year.

I'm finding this pregnancy pretty tough as I have back problems which are worse this time around as I have to deal with a 32lb toddler. My little boy is a real handful aswell and I feel guilty sometimes that I can't run around after him as much as I was able to before. But I think we mothers put too much guilt on ourselves these days as it is!!

I think for the siblings themselves a 1 to 2 and a half year age gap is perfect for them to be good friends from an early age, I think 3 years is starting to get too much to be honest, but anything under 18 months would be too hard on mammy I think, but obviously each to their own!!

pickarooney

There are pros and cons to every length really, both for the parents and the kids themselves. There are two years between our two. We wanted them to grow up together and be able to share things in a way that's not really possible with children further apart in age, which was the main reason. That and our own ages and if we are/were to have a third one it would need to be fairly soon after again.

It's utterly exhausting having two very young children, in my experience. There's not a minute in the day/night when one or both of them is not in need of attention. Personally, I don't really regret not spacing them out more, but could understand parents wanting to leave more breathing room.

KittyeeTrix

There are mostly 3 year gaps between my 4 children. Now aged 8,11,13 and 16. I felt it was right for us and definitely wouldn't want the gap to be longer.

The gap was short enough for them to be able to play the same games together but wide enough for the elder one to know how to behave around the younger one....:)

How Strange

If we decide to go for a second then the max age gap we could expect is 2 years because of my age. Personally I'd like a 2-4 year age gap so that each baby can have it's own time with me and as toddlers and young children they are a little independent but life doesn't always work out the way we'd ideally like it to.

gaeilgegrinds1

That article is really interesting. I suppose wait another year so. It's interesting that someone else said they started feeling broody about the same time. Spoke to my mother about it and she suggested 2 & a half years, depends on how my little fella is in the terrible twos how I will cope. All the boys in our family and my partner are crazy in their twos, total nightmare! It's just the ticking clock that puts me off waiting but I will. If I was doing this again I'd spend less time working/college and more time having babies.

lolli

What are peoples views on only children? Do you think its unfair to leave your child as an only child? Everyone keeps saying they are lonely but i think you could come from a family of ten and still feel lonely

Khannie

lolli wrote: »

What are peoples views on only children? Do you think its unfair to leave your child as an only child? Everyone keeps saying they are lonely but i think you could come from a family of ten and still feel lonely

I think that's a topic for another thread. Feel free to start it though.

Grawns

I'm contemplating another at present as Bridget is 17 months. I was mad broody this time last year but have tried to be rational about the process. My biggest worries are my age and that we've been credit crunched, however we've decided to go for it soon anyway.

Not a rational decision but I don't think having children ever is. Theoretically i would like her to be toilet trained by the time we ( hopefully) have a 2nd, and also weaned :eek: as I'm still bfeeding once a day. I guess I just love it

mariaf24

I think this is a bit of a touchy subject to be honest. Some babies are not planned so there may be less than 12 months between them.
Some people may spend years trying to conceive and therefore have years in age gaps.

Some people may have one child and for whatever reason may not be able to have anymore.

I don't think anyone can say what the ideal age gap is or when you should or should not have children or how many, it's entirely a personal decision and everyone has different circumstances.

Ickle Magoo

While of course some people struggle to conceive and some babies are not planned, the OP is asking for the experiences of other parents in order to make plans, I don't think that's an outlandish request on a parenting forum...

mariaf24

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

While of course some people struggle to conceive and some babies are not planned, the OP is asking for the experiences of other parents in order to make plans, I don't think that's an outlandish request on a parenting forum...

I didnt mean her question! I meant you have to be careful what you say, you can't really generalise.

Nevyn

I did use the word ideally in my posts as we are all well away things don't always go ideally or to plan but when it comes to family planning it is best if you have the option to take as many factors in consideration as you can to make things easier for all the family.

This does not cast a slur on those who's kids have a bigger or shorter gap between them.

MrsA

We have 14 months between our boys. We found out we were pregnant on the youngest boy the day the bigger boy turned 6 months. I won't say it is easy all the time, but, I am so glad the way things worked out. I think it would be harder to have a newborn and a 2.5 year old (based on my own current 2.5 year old) than it was to have a newborn and a 14 month old.

January

MrsA wrote: »

We have 14 months between our boys. We found out we were pregnant on the youngest boy the day the bigger boy turned 6 months. I won't say it is easy all the time, but, I am so glad the way things worked out. I think it would be harder to have a newborn and a 2.5 year old (based on my own current 2.5 year old) than it was to have a newborn and a 14 month old.

I have to agree with this, I got pregnant when my daughter was 5 months old and she kind of didn't know there was another baby coming, and then when she did arrive she was too young to understand what it meant. She still got the love and attention she deserved and needed as baby slept an awful lot in the day.

Four months on and you can see the love she has for her little sister, she kisses and hugs her constantly, has never hit her or tried to harm her whereas an older sibling might have been slightly jealous (as an example, a friend of mine has a 20 month gap between her two daughters and the 20 month old is very jealous and is trying to lash out at the newborn even though the parents are trying to include her in everything). She can say her sisters name and trys to share everything with her.

I found it very very easy to transition from one to two with such a short age gap. I'm not exhausted or over worked... it is actually just a tiny bit more work than with one.

Quality

My first gap was 7 years!! Way to long but under rhe circumstances it suited us!

Then I had a 2 year 10 month gap! It was perfect! I was able to breastfeed and my toddler was not in an overdemanding stage!

Worked for me!

Dades

We have an 19 month gap between our two, and while it's been chaos, it's been a great time. Our daughter seems to love her new brother and very rarely shows any jealously issues.

I'd imagine any age gap is going to have it's issues - but each of these will resolve themselves in time.

smelltheglove

Mine have a 5 yr age gap which is great. The older one is great with helping out the little one, teaching her to count, alpahabet and lots more, its crazy looking at the excitement she gets from sharing her knowledge. My gap is quite big but I only met my husband when the eldest was 1 so it wasnt really realistic to go again any sooner, mind with the little one almost 4 I'm still not broody. I've spent all of my 20's as a mammy, now in the last few years I have been working for myself and I am starting to enjoy my time, I'm building a reputation for myself in my business and having another child now would mean I'd pretty much be starting all over again as I wouldnt be able to take wedding bookings for the majority of a pregnancy or for months after the child being born. I'd say if I was to go again it would be at least 2-3 years away, if not longer but then as I started young I still have 10yrs plus of child bearing age so there is no rush at all.