Avoiding the first dance....

Alliandre

Neither myself nor my fiance want to have a first dance. He just doesn't dance at all and I'm not comfortable with it. Now I know it's our day and we should do what we want, but I have a funny feeling people would have a "go on, go on" attitude even though we don't want to. Has anyone ever been to a wedding where there wasn't a first dance? Would people even get on the dance floor if they're expecting us to get up first? And does anyone have any ideas for some alternative thing we could do?

donspeekinglesh

We had no dancing at all at our wedding. We got married in Rome and had a 10 course dinner instead.

Dunno if that's an option for you.

rainbowtrout

Alliandre wrote: »

Neither myself nor my fiance want to have a first dance. He just doesn't dance at all and I'm not comfortable with it. Now I know it's our day and we should do what we want, but I have a funny feeling people would have a "go on, go on" attitude even though we don't want to. Has anyone ever been to a wedding where there wasn't a first dance? Would people even get on the dance floor if they're expecting us to get up first? And does anyone have any ideas for some alternative thing we could do?

I was at a wedding a couple of years ago where the band started up and the singer said something like 'I want everyone up on the dancefloor for this..' or words to that effect, so everyone moved to the floor and they played something that got everyone in the mood for dancing. They kept going and it was a good half hour or forty minutes before the couple had their first dance. So everyone was up when they started the dance rather than making their way to an empty dancefloor to watch.

Not saying you should do a first dance half way through the band's set but rather, we would not have noticed that there was no first dance because we were having a good time and it hadn't crossed our minds until the band announced it. If your band could do this your guests might not even notice.

I sympatise with you, 'tis one of those moments in life I dread. As a single chap though its not of immediate concern

omahaid

I can't give you an alternative but I can tell you what we did. Neither one of us could dance a step of anything so we went for dance lessons. After learning a few dances we decided what dance we would like for the first dance and got the dance instructor to help us.

We then practiced this dance over and over and over until we could do it blindfolded and on the big day it went perfect.

Alliandre

donspeekinglesh wrote: »

We had no dancing at all at our wedding. We got married in Rome and had a 10 course dinner instead.

Dunno if that's an option for you.

Well I do still want there to be a band and dancing, just not the when the two of us are the only ones on the floor.

rainbowtrout wrote: »

I was at a wedding a couple of years ago where the band started up and the singer said something like 'I want everyone up on the dancefloor for this..' or words to that effect, so everyone moved to the floor and they played something that got everyone in the mood for dancing. They kept going and it was a good half hour or forty minutes before the couple had their first dance. So everyone was up when they started the dance rather than making their way to an empty dancefloor to watch.

Not saying you should do a first dance half way through the band's set but rather, we would not have noticed that there was no first dance because we were having a good and it hadn't crossed our minds until the band announced it. If your band could do this your guests might not even notice.

Sounds like a plan.

RoverJames wrote: »

I sympatise with you, 'tis one of those moments in life I dread. As a single chap though its not of immediate concern

Yeah I know he would dread it (a lot more than me) and I don't want the day ruined because of that.

omahaid wrote: »

I can't give you an alternative but I can tell you what we did. Neither one of us could dance a step of anything so we went for dance lessons. After learning a few dances we decided what dance we would like for the first dance and got the dance instructor to help us.

We then practiced this dance over and over and over until we could do it blindfolded and on the big day it went perfect.

Well I can dance (sort of!), I'm just uncomfortable with the idea of everyone staring at us while dancing. And I wouldn't ask him to get lessons. I just don't see why we should do something on our wedding day that is completely uncharacteristic for us.

Merku

For me, standing in the church was far more nerve wrecking than the 1st dance And then you have the speeches

But this is your day, if you dont feel comfortable dancing in front of everyone, just dont do it. As its been said before, just get the band or dj to call everyone on the dance floor so you can vanish in the crowd

ninnyhammer

Get the band to start off with a good lively song to fill the dancefloor. Once the craic starts no one will even notice there was no first dance.

If you really think that not having a first dance will be accepted, you could get the bridesmaids & groomsmen to dance first (joining in couple by couple) and ye just join in at the end/last chorus. I understand ye dont want to do it at all but it might be a good mid-point.

Either way, be ready for the dancefloor to make a circle around ye any time ye make it to the dancefloor together...that always seem to happen 5/6 times in the night (with or without the first dance)

RIRI

I know how you feel OP. We're getting married on Monday week (eek!!) and I dread the thought of the first dance. We have spoken with all our friends and asked them (in no uncertain terms) to join us in our first dance, that way we're not getting gawked at by the whole room, they're all happy to do what makes us happy so it's win win.
Best of luck

Menas

We had no first dance at our wedding- it is not our scene and we would have been very uncomfortable with it.

It was more or less a traditional Irish wedding, but the DJ was on strict instructions not to initiate a first dance. We went from the meal straight to the disco.

No one commented upon it and I dont think it was missed. With the party in full flow we did go dancing - but that was to disco/rock music....none of that lady in red sh1t!!

quad_red

Yeah, the first duckin dance is what I'm dreading!

I. cannot. dance.

tatli_lokma

ninnyhammer wrote: »

you could get the bridesmaids & groomsmen to dance first (joining in couple by couple) and ye just join in at the end/last chorus. I understand ye dont want to do it at all but it might be a good mid-point.

I think this is a good suggestion - I completely understand where you are coming from in terms of the awkward 3 minute shuffle with all eyes on you - we also dreaded that. As a result we opted for a more fast paced song so we weren't shuffling around gooing into each others eyes. I don't mind seeing other people do it but to do it myself, personally I hate that! Feel totally morto!

But just something to bear in mind, if you are having the fairly standard wedding, then you will be gawped at ad infinitum (in the nicest possible way, but gawped at nonetheless!). By the stage of the first dance - you'll have been gawped at up the aisle, at the ceremony, gawped at as you come into the reception,you'll have had a gazillion photos taken....gawping a-plenty.

By the time the dancing comes along you may well not even give a toss! that's how we were - by the time the dancing came along we weren't worried about being looked at, and you are on such a high and everyone is so complementary, and everyone is there because they care about you - by that stage, its not as nervewracking (at least that's how we were).

I think it is nice, if you can, to get a photo together, or share a moment to a song which has meaning to you. But that dance doesn't have to be you and him, centre stage, spotlight shining...it can be, as suggested, you and him, and the rest of the bridal party. The main thing is that you are happy and enjoy your day.

bubbles747

hi allienare
im watching this thread like a hawk!! im in the same boat he cant dance and i dont want to but i know the miniute i mention this to the family there will be uproar :mad:
im thinking of not saying anything and on the day hope people dont notice;)

sweetie

you could always get the band/dj to call everyone onto the dancefloor and start off with I gotta feeling or 500 miles or one of your favourite floorfillers
and everyone will be up for dancing straight away!