does taking a break work?

LegacyUser

hi all,

I feel a bit silly writting here, but would like to hear others advise on this...

Ive been with my boyfriend over four and a half years now having met in college but still not living together, so we only see each other for a few days during the week or the odd weekend. recently I feel the spark between us is starting to fade, from texting or through to the bedroom, I know I still love him but need a way to make sure its not getting too much just like how you love a friend. people have suggested to me that going on a break might help, the whole logic of seeing how much we miss each other?
others have suggested that while we see each other during the next say 6 weeks during the week, but be on a break during the weekend, i suppose leaving single time to spend with friends at the weekend? we are both only 23 so I think thats why people reccommend single time!
I know I should be talking to my boyfriend about this, and I will, but just need to get it some perspective beforehand!
Thanks for any advise!

shebango

nowtodecide wrote: »

hi all,

I feel a bit silly writting here, but would like to hear others advise on this...

Ive been with my boyfriend over four and a half years now having met in college but still not living together, so we only see each other for a few days during the week or the odd weekend. recently I feel the spark between us is starting to fade, from texting or through to the bedroom, I know I still love him but need a way to make sure its not getting too much just like how you love a friend. people have suggested to me that going on a break might help, the whole logic of seeing how much we miss each other?
others have suggested that while we see each other during the next say 6 weeks during the week, but be on a break during the weekend, i suppose leaving single time to spend with friends at the weekend? we are both only 23 so I think thats why people reccommend single time!
I know I should be talking to my boyfriend about this, and I will, but just need to get it some perspective beforehand!
Thanks for any advise!

Well before taking a break, have you told your boyfriend how you feel with regards to the spark? IMO, its impossible to decide on this until you at least talk with him first. The two of you could come up with a plan that helps you both and may not need the break at all.

I am getting the feeling that you're feeling too young to be tied down. Is that the case?

Also, you said that you didn't see your boyfriend all that much so I am a bit confused as to why you need more 'single' time?

My advice is just to talk to him first and see how it goes. If you both decide on a break, then it could go either way. Good luck with how it all pans out.

degrassinoel

from my past experiances, breaks are breakups disguised as something less harsh.
I'd definetly bring it up with the other half, just wouldnt do the break thing.
Would you not ask him to move into a place of your own for a few months, see how it goes?

Wagon

Breaks don't work really, they're shyte.

Just break up with him properly. If the spark is fading, and you want to go for other people rather than try and get things back on track (because thats what taking a break really means) then it says it all.

LegacyUser

Well from somebody who went on a break (not my decision) and afterwards was dumped, i would say they do not work. However, in my case, i went on a break without being told what the reasons were, what the issues were and the time apart was pointless as i never got to give my opinion on us or her, and even get the chance to try and work on the issues.

I think you are best to speak to him,to commuicate to him how you are feeling. If you don't, how you are feeling now will just snowball These things feed off themseleves if they are not dealt with and will engulf all the good things that you have in your relationship. Your issues seem like they can be dealt with but only if you two sit down and talk and lenght. Before even condiering a break, my advice is that you communicate with him and be 100% honest.

lazygal

Its a prelude to a break up and gives the dumper time to come up with a nice way of breaking up while saying to themselves "I was nice about it, it can't have been a shock so I can feel good about the breakup". That's my experience anyway, having fallen for the "lets take a break" line, never will I fall for it again!

Fiend-Foe

Worked wonders for myself and the missus. We were together 2 years and we took 6 months off, didn't contact each other at all bar the odd email to make sure the other was ok. We're back together a year now and everything is so much better than it ever was before. We treat each other so well now because we really appreciate one another so much now and we realise how well suited we really are for one another and that other people really just don't cut it for us and how hard it is to find someone who you click with as well as the two of us do.

You have to make sure that you are both on board with it and you have to be able to deal with the fact that your partner will probably be with other people and be ok with that. Might not work for everybody.

Beruthiel

I never got this whole break thing.
If a relationship has come to the point where by you feel the need for a break, then finish it with him.
IMO you either make an effort to make the relationship work, or you walk. None of this namby pamby half way house crap.

Monkey61

nowtodecide wrote: »

others have suggested that while we see each other during the next say 6 weeks during the week, but be on a break during the weekend, i suppose leaving single time to spend with friends at the weekend? we are both only 23 so I think thats why people reccommend single time!

Forgive me if I am misunderstanding, but what exactly do you mean by single time? Do you mean that you would be in a relationship on weekdays but sleep around/date etc on the weekends???? Because that is just ludicrous.

Or do you mean you would have time to be physically apart, go out with your own friends and not see eachother? That makes more sense but surely you should be doing that already?

Ickle Magoo

OP,

It's not for other people to dictate the terms of your relationship - it's entirely for your boyfriend and yourself to sort out. If you are not happy with some aspect of the relationship then you need to tell him that and work on it - I'd be very wary that suggesting you get the weekends out of your relationship to make sure you love him like a boyfriend is probably not going to get a very good reception...