The hardest part

Ginja Ninja

Sorry if this is the wrong type of thread or hits a nerve with someone.

What was the hardest part of your loss? For me,it had to be abou 3 weeks/a month after a funeral.The hustle and bustle of the funeral and family/friends being around seemed like a bit of a distraction.
It was about the 3 week mark,when people assume you're better and back on your feet that was the toughest,people seemed to stop coming around and it all seemed quite lonely[maybe this was just my experience of it]

I guess things have gotten easier since then,but the first few days on your own after the loss were the hardest for me.Maybe sharing some stories could help some other people

axel rose

It probably depends on who you lost but when my husband died, there are a lot of difficult times. Initially it was realising that I have to raise our son on my own. If I fvck it up I have no one else to blame!

I also get a punch in the gut when I pass men's clothes shops, particularly during the sales. My first thought is that I'll just pop in and see if there are any bargains, then I realise that I've no one to buy for.

Another silly one is passing new restaurants, I don't have my dinner partner any more. Same with holidays. We both loved travelling.

The fact that I've lost my literal other half. We knew each other inside out. You know that level of comfort where you don't have to speak? Just to sit in a room with someone, read the Sunday papers, no chat but complete relaxation? I haven't had that level of emotional intimacy in almost a year now?

When I have big news (good or bad) and he's not there to tell. It makes me feel so utterly alone. There is always a part of my brain thinking 'What would he think of this?'.

I also hate telling people I don't know that I'm a widow. Sometimes I try to avoid it but most of the time I have to come clean.

Who did you lose?

Oh I just read your post where you mention that you lost your brother! I cant believe that anyone in their right mind thought that you could ever be 'over it' in 3 weeks! What happened was horrible and Im sorry that you had to go through that.

Uriel.

I'm not sure the hardest part for me - lost my grandfather at Christmas time. We were very close and I always seen him as my second father. Hardly a day went by (except for holdiays abroad) were I didn't see or talk to him. I always looked up to him and in a lot of ways despite his old age he was a role model for me.

He suffered a lot and rarely complained. Christmas was his favourite time of year and it was also mine. I remember three Christmases ago we were about 10/15 mins from sitting down for the big Christmas dinner and I noticed he was in terrible pain. Apparently he had been all morning but refused to say or show it as he didn't want to ruin Christmas. I knew by his face, it had to be a visit to the hospital. Spend most of Christmas day in there with him and despite his obvious pain, he kept apologising for ruining Christmas.

I can't imagine how hard next Christmas will be, he died 2 days before last Christmas. I think about a lot of things on an almost daily basis. I'm not sure the hardest thing to be honest. I have the last birthday card he gave me in my drawer in my bedroom, I look at that a lot. I think at this moment, going to his grave is very difficult. I only go once a month as it's quite a drive away.

I guess things are different for everyone though, sometimes its who's left behind that can make a difference. My grandmother is still here and she is in a very bad way following his death. 6 months she's only getting worse. I live with her now and look after her a fair bit, that can help keep the mind distracted.

dollydimples82

I hated the removal, we had a huge removal from the house and when it comes to the time to say your goodbyes just before they close the coffin, its like been kicked in the gut. I never felt so alone as i did that day knowing i would never see his face again. My brother was gone, just writing that made me tearful 9 years on. We went to the church where we endured a long removal, the hand shakes went on and on. It was draining. I made the decision that when i die i want funeral and removal all the one day as a result.

Apart from that i dont really recall any particular part been the hardest, i was so worried about my mam that i just had to 'get on with it'. i guess my mam suffering was tough too, i felt she gave up on life after my brother died took a long time to get her back.

Of course the obvious times are still hard, birthdays, christmas, weddings, parties, all the times when he should be here and you miss him terribly. I cried the night of my 21st because he wasnt there, i hate family photos because its obvious he's missing. The only good thing to come from his death was an end to his suffering. The last 3 weeks of his life was awful, something i wouldnt wish on my worst enemy.

tupac10

i lost my Grandfather last summer and he was like a second father and my best friend...he was sick for a few weeks and we brought him home for his last few days... i was holding his hand as he passed .. it was like being kicked in the stomach when the nurse said he was taking his last breath.. i ran out of the house in floods of tears.. i didnt want to believe what was happing... but the hardest part for me was in the church looking at his name engraved on the coffin that made me realize he was gone.. i broke down and my aunt who had recently lost her husband had told me some advice i will never forget.. "Death has been around since the start of human life and its the one things humans dont know how to deal with"

other things like birthdays and anniversary's are hard... few weeks after he had died i was fishing and as i always did i brought a few extra fish home for he... it wasnt until i got home i realized he was gone ..

LegacyUser

My mother died suddenly less than 9 months ago.

I found the repose and removal very hard; overwhelming at times. People looking to share their (very real) grief which just washed over me at times as was the strength of it. The instant of the closing of the coffin; even the moment of burial was almost a relief.

It was a sharp, immediate pain: one which went away over time.

However, that immediate loss has been replaced with a deeper pain. One which remains. A longing for what has gone and will not be found again.

Mummy2girls

My Dad passed away suddenly 9 1/2 weeks ago. The hardest part for me was that phone call to tell me he was gone. He was there and then just gone from me. I was in the car driving home from work and I pulled in and became hysterical for about 20 mins. I had to drive home then another 20 mins.

Seeing him laid out was another gut wrenching experience, I just wanted to lie down beside him and wrap my arms around him and of course, the closing of the coffin was beyond belief pain...

But the really worst thing of all for me was when it was all over, everyone gone home the day of the funeral and I went back up the the graveyard that night at 10 o clock and sat there wailing for however long and my husband walking me back to the car and it was cold that evening and looking back at the the grave.... that was the hardest and most difficult and if my husband wasn't with me, I'd have gone back and lay down on the grave because I didn't want to leave him on his own. My heart is completely broken over my poor Daddy.