Ex

LegacyUser

Ok, I know what some people might say and I know this is a sensible thing he is doing but at the same time I do not understand it.

Here's what's been going on. My ex and I have remained friends since our break up. it's weird as it is like the relationship part never happened but it did 6 long years of it and it was a most wonderful but heartbreaking experience of my life. I could tell you that he was the first man I truly loved but cos of circumstances we could not get together so time lapsed and things came to a head and he decided that to call time on it. But although we have not met up since or anything we chat daily either online or texts. We are going to meet up sometime either August or September. That's just a bit of background.

Even though he has dated since me a couple of times, he is not with anyone yet. I am busy finding things to do with my life and take up new challenges etc. I'm going to learn to swim, something I thought I would never do.

Anyways, I have worked within the creative industry for many years mostly involved in dance or theatre. My ex is a graphic designer and 3d animator. Here is what I do not get.
Up to recently he was not involved in any groups or such like, now he is in my face daily with what he is doing, like he had joined a theatre group, a pop choir and is getting into films and is having bit parts stuff. He never expressed an interest in the theatre to me in the years I was with him. He was a very private person and never wanted to put himself out there. He knows what I work at and all about my background in dance and theatre.

I some how feel that a competition has developed between us as to who is the most busiest and who is the most successful. Which is bad really, I think. He is going on about singing the famous Glee song to me and that he will be singing it at a carnival. Oh do not get me wrong I am not grumbling or jealous as I have a lot of stuff to do too but I am not in his face about it and all the time gabbing about it, like he is to me. I do tell him the odd stuff but not as much as he is. But I want to say is this, he will drop all this theatre and choir stuff when he meets someone he wants to be with. I don't think it is just so he is occupied I think he is using it as a platform to meet girls and date. I do not think he has a genuine interest in what he is doing even though he said its fun. I know him long enough and well enough on that. I am doing things that I have interest in and won't be dropping cos I meet someone I want to be with. I do try to change the topic but he always says it after something I say and he ignores that and continues on

I would like to hear someone else's opinion on this

Thank you

merlie

Hi Op,

He sounds a bit childish. I think he may be just doing stuff to occupy himself but as you say he may also be joining these groups to date. Sometimes that is how people meet but if you say that he will drop going to these groups when he meets someone, then he is wasting his time and learning nothing if that is his agenda. You only do something like that if you know you are going to enjoy it not cos simply to look for dates. Here's one for you, suppose he meets a girl at one of these groups, goes out with her, and after a while they fall out, he will have to leave the group then as things may become awkward or maybe he will become friends with her like you are with him. Who knows!! I think he should have been a little more careful of what type of group he joined, out of respect for you. In a way he is teasing you a lot and this is nagging you, so completely understand. Leave him to it and say nothing to him that will make it bigger, so his head doesn't swell further!!

You also say he ignores what you say and he flips back to what he was saying before, that to me sounds a bit rude. I don't think I have a friend who does that kind of thing. It would strike me that this friendship is imbalanced and he is holding all the strings or at least trying to control them. You have to be careful even though you say you know him well, he may have a game plan I don't know but it is a bit strange.

Good luck

Ickle Magoo

Why don't you just break ties and then what he's doing or not doing or why will be neither here nor there. If you are bothered about him at all and you suspect he's doing things to get your attention then you are clearly not over each other. You can do one of two things; draw a line under things and move on and away by cutting ties or ask him out and see if there is chance of reconciliation.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

OP here

Thanks for the replies. I get what you are saying Merlie about the childish behaviour, he does behave like this from time to time. I do not think I should ask him out to reconcile as I feel the time has come and gone for that. He did text me today and told he that he is going out for a meal tonight and that it should be fun!

He didn't elaborate any further but he had told me the other day about him meeting up with an old school girl friend from years back in a few weeks so I was wondering if it was her and, thinking that maybe that the meeting had been brought forward. I did text him back asking him was it her, and he has not replied to me. So I am guessing he is going on a date.

I just wish he would be direct with me and stop being so vague about things like that. I did tell him a good few months ago that I had met someone and I told him about him and he told me about his then gf. So nothing was hidden, but I really hate it when he is saying something but not really saying anything at all. I do not mind him going on dates or such as he is getting on with his life as am I. We do have a friendship but I do not like stuff being hidden and that is what he is doing, saying something but obscurely. I just don't like my questions or what I say ignored by him.

Ickle Magoo

As a friend he is under no obligations to tell you about anything, especially his love life. You have to accept the days of having a right to know what's going on in his life are over - as are your rights to answers to your questions and converstions.