Hide and Seek

Canard

I don't really do much writing, this one was forced upon me by my English mock back in February but got me full marks, so decided to post it here for some input.

Not looking for any big criticism since I'm not planning on writing an extended or improved version, but just wondering if people like it really.

It was a typical, warm, summer morning. I opened my curtains as I opened my eyes, the silky soft texture almost sending me back to sleep.
Sunlight poured in like a river through the clean glass, the warmth smacking my face.
"Wow," I thought. "This really is a great day to go outside!"
I pulled off my cosy, khaki pajamas and threw them onto my bed, and walked over to my wardrobe.
"Hmm! What to wear?"
I settled on a pair of my old skinny jeans - that way, it wouldn't matter if they were ripped. I put on a simple, soft, stripy shirt over it. It wasn't the warmest shirt I owned, but because it was so sunny I figured it didn't really matter. Throwing on my blue, furry jacket to make up for the light shirt, and stepping into my reliable wellington boots, I called to my little brother.
"Mark!" I called, brushing my brown fringe to either side. "You ready?"
'Yep, sis!' he called. 'It's time to play hide and seek!'
"Typical annoying little brother..." I thought, but I didn't mind really. We were both eager to go exploring in our uncle's fields, so I seized this game as my opportunity.

Hearing Mark opening his door, I began to march downstairs. I called to my uncle Larry and told him we were going outside for a game of hide and seek. According to him, this was fine, but he wasn't listening to complaints of getting mucky!

We stepped outside. The scene was breath-taking, especially for two city kids like us. The fields stretched as far as the eye could see, dotted with carrots, turnips and other assorted vegetables.
'You're on, Emma!' cried Mark with glee. 'Count to...one thousand!'
'Okay, go!' I ordered, starting at one, then 10, then 20, until I reached 1000. "Here I come!" I shouted, to a now empty field, the lonely looking forest to either side of it. I listened to my voice echo. I gazed over at the forest, the barbed wire making it forbidden, yet ironically more inviting. I ran over to the fence and peeked into the opening of the maze of leaves.

'He could be in here...' I thought, climbing over the fence, watching with caution not to step on any spiked parts.
As I wandered deeper and deeper into the green wonderland, time seemed to stand still. I sat over at a tree to appreciate the forest.
'Wow,' I whispered. 'Wait, what was that?'
I crept over to the bushes which had shaken moments before.
"GOTCHA!" I cried triumphantly.
Silence.
'Mark, I got you, come on.' I sighed, my eyes rolling.

Hearing a soft whimper, I looked through the bushes. A puppy stared back at me, its big brown eyes contrasting with its beige fur, causing the assumption this was a labrador.

"Aww!" I exclaimed, picking it up as its tongue reached for my face. I strolled through the forest with it in my arms, repeating 'Mark! Look, a puppy!'
After walking through two clearings I saw Mark huddled between two trees, his head up in an attempt to camoflauge him.

He ran over and joined me in the adoration of the dog.
'Whose is it?' he asked.
'I'm not sure, I just found him!' I replied.
We decided to bring him back to where we found him. We went home as it was getting late, and had some hot chocolate while telling Larry of our forest find.
"Well," he said grinning. You never know what you'll find playing hide and seek!"

Black Heart

You said you don't want "big criticism", but there are a few things that detract from enjoyment, such as finding a puppy on the uncle's farm, then leaving it there afterwards, or did I get that wrong? It seems a bit unrealistic, but maybe not. The only problems I would have revolve around realism, but other than that, it's a pleasant piece of writing.

DualBladez

yeah unrealistic

Robbyn

Cool little piece of flash-fiction. I liked it.