How not to drink alcohol at events

bank

Hi all

I need a few words of wisdom or at least some helpful thoughts to put into my head to keep me on the straight and narrow over the weekend. I am a binge drinker when I do go out and absolutely hate drinking too much and what comes the next day if I've over done it the night before. Guilt, shame etc. I am going to a wedding over the weekend and my chatter box is trying to tell me it would be ok to just have a few over the day. I don't know why I'd want to really, perhaps I hate the thought of being bored etc. I just don't know what drives me. I have never gone to any wedding and not drank. My life seems to have been revolved around alcohol, parties, dinners, pub events, wedding and so on. I don't think I actually know how to go to anything without drinking. Any thoughts or advice would be welcome thanks.

Tom Thorne

Hi Bank,
I too am the classic weekend binger. I'm 35 and have been going on lash at the weekends for 17/18 years - so its a hard habit to break.
About a month ago now I decided I had enough and decided to knock the booze on the head. Last weekend was the first weekend I went out and didn't drink - wasn't even tempted.
I would suggest you just focus your mind that you are not drinking. What I've found useful is making a list of all the negatives of drinking - if your a problem drinker they may be lots. Also list the positives of not drinking this will also be a long list. Have a look at the list when feeling tempted it may help.
I have a wedding in about 6 weeks myself which invovles staying in the hotel - this will prove a real test.
I'm a novice at not drinking but the above has helped me so far. You might also find www.mywayout.org forums usefulto chat with other people in the same boat.

Suburbanite

Hi Bank,

I just did my first ever wedding sober recently and the relief of not having to do the walk of shame down to the lobby the next morning after getting up to god knows what the night before. I try to avoid drinking sessions like the plague but when something important comes up like a wedding I will set out say three of the most resent shameful incidents in my head and try to remember that this is where the night will end if I start to drink. Personally when the drunken s@!t talk starts about 10pm I have to leave. I had a great time at the wedding not sure if this will help but have a good one;)

dont tell anyone your not drinkin otherwise you be treated like a leper and just drink coke

bank

Hi

Thanks for your replys. I think the focusing on my not drinking is a good point because if I start to even let that bloody chatter box get a word in, I'm gone. I give in so so easy. To be perfectly honest, both yesterday evening and today I told my partner I may have a few drinks and tried to convince myself i was ok with that decision. If I listen to the real me and go with my true gut feeling, I really really don't want to drink. I want to wake up next morning, punch the air with my fist and say "Yes, Yes and more Yes" I finally did it. I will keep you in mind and the advice you gave and I'll look forward to posting on Sunday with the good news.

enaekleon

[quote=[Deleted User];66702177]dont tell anyone your not drinkin otherwise you be treated like a leper and just drink coke[/QUOTE]

fck what other people think. try not to drink coz its important that YOU dont.

sorry for the outburst but i hate the fact that what this poster has just mentioned (about being treated differently when abstaining) is to some extent true in this country. as i sober up i am realising more and more just how bent and sick we are as a nation when it comes to our attidude to alcohol/abstinence etc.

p.s.
this post/thread hits a raw nerve with me right now as i am trying to get to a space in my head as i prepare for the outside world again. i am pretty much housebound with injuries from drink but have been off it for near 3 weeks and so am psyching myself up for trying to cope with social occasions like the OP's upcoming wedding etc etc when i am fit again. i just want to be at the stage where i literally dont give a fcuk what others do or dont think about me when i am not the pisshead i once thought was the way to be.

gl with your wedding. i hope you get threw it as it really will be an important milestone in your abstinence i should think. down the line i know my things like my first wedding/family funeral/overseas holiday will be the really hard occassions for me.

ballyharpat

Good luck OP,

I would suggest having a scapegoat, just in case, do not be counting on someone else for transportation etc. which may leave you stranded in a bad situation at 11pm. As suggested, it is really hard to hang with people after 10pm if they are half in the bag, so be prepared to leave early-no one will care that you are missing-they will be having such a "good time" making asses of themselves.

I thought it was funny when I first stopped drinking, the stigma and shame attached to going to AA meetings-'twas an awful embarrassment and brought "shame", but it was okay to fall out the door of the pub, drunk, six nights a week? That was a good man's problem, but God forbid you admit you may have a problem with drink.

bank

I don't wish any negative thoughts on anyone but it's relieving to hear other people also feel the same as i do. One of my biggest problems and one I find myself almost waiting to get over ( on the very few occassions I haven't been able to drink for various reasons) is the period when people start to get drunk or even very merry. Its not that I want to join them, I actually really don't, but my patience is next to zero and I get extremely agitated and I don't like myself for this, especially when I am normally the drunk one making an ass of myself.

I am not staying at the venue but in a hotel near by. I am going to drive, which will give me the excuse to go off for a drive if need be. However I am going to try and relax during this period I normally can't and just observe and try and see the amusing side to the affects of alcohol etc. I am going to imagine we are all there talking about the really positive reasons for and great benefits we are having since making our decision to not bother drinking alcoholic drinks.

I am going to make a promise to all you strong and brave people that have made very positive decisions that will improve your health and well being. I will come back and post my experiences and observations and I will give any tips/advice that may be helpful to you when you have a wedding to go to.

Today is the beginning of the rest of my life and I am going to make damn sure its a good one.

Thank you all for your support.

cantdecide

You have to re-programme your own mind. You already know the **** talk that goes on as a night goes on but it never bothers me in the slightest but as a life long t-totaller, it's the #1 thing I get asked about.

People who give up alcohol are usually more concerned about the idea that this how they used to prattle on when they drank too. It's like being there sober holds a mirror up to them about their previous life. In other words, the annoyance of being present in these circumstances it's less about the other people and more about themselves to a large extent.

Start by forgiving yourself for being a 'drunken idiot'. Other peoples drunken idiocy won't bother you so much, then.

RedXIV

Not really sure I should be posting here as I'm still fond of an aul pint but in recent nights out I've always noticed that I seem to have an absolute thirst before drinking which some of my problem stems from. But drinking three pints of water before you start drinking should guarantee you cut it down a good bit anyway

Works for me anyway, just thought I'd share

bank

Well I lived to tell the tale. I wish i had read Cantdecides post though. It makes sence. I did find my self very agitated long before I even went to the wedding and I found myself arguing with my husbnd beforehand which didn't help me to relax. I guess it's hard for him to understand and if I'd known how agitated I was going to be, I would have sat down with him the day before and talked through my feelings etc.

I had a very long journey to get there too which made me very tired. Everything went fine however, the time didn't go as slow as i thought it might but I did give in and go to bed pretty early which I don't think was really noticed. I guess I just have to put it down to experience and know my next AF event will be better. My advice to others going to their first wedding/event is to prepare and talk over if possible with your close ones, how you may feel and what you can do to stay positive and cheerfull on the day. Also, what could happen/how you may feel if you do get very agitated/annoyed etc and what you can do to avoid it.

Tom Thorne

Bank,
Well done on getting through the wedding. The key is not to revert back to booze just to get over the discomfort or agitation. Hopefully occassions will become more tolerable and enjoyable as we progress down the non-drinking route.

Nice one.
TT

derealbadger

bank wrote: »

Well I lived to tell the tale. I wish i had read Cantdecides post though. It makes sence. I did find my self very agitated long before I even went to the wedding and I found myself arguing with my husbnd beforehand which didn't help me to relax. I guess it's hard for him to understand and if I'd known how agitated I was going to be, I would have sat down with him the day before and talked through my feelings etc.

I had a very long journey to get there too which made me very tired. Everything went fine however, the time didn't go as slow as i thought it might but I did give in and go to bed pretty early which I don't think was really noticed. I guess I just have to put it down to experience and know my next AF event will be better. My advice to others going to their first wedding/event is to prepare and talk over if possible with your close ones, how you may feel and what you can do to stay positive and cheerfull on the day. Also, what could happen/how you may feel if you do get very agitated/annoyed etc and what you can do to avoid it.

This is why I find A.A so powerful you can talk to people who understand what you are talking about I don't talk to non-alcoholics about my alcoholism as I think its like trying to explain colours to a blind person they just don't understand and will feel one of two things for you either pity or contempt neither of which I really want

well done Bank keep it going its great not to have the hell of the morning after any more

derealbadger

derealbadger wrote: »

I don't talk to non-alcoholics about my alcoholism as I think its like trying to explain colours to a blind person they just don't understand and will feel one of two things for you either pity or contempt neither of which I really want

From my experience, a person being able to drink normally and stop at one or two is as weird to me as me not being able to stop for days is to them.
It's best left at "I don't drink"!

grace201080

Hi all,

I find the following helpful at events :

1. Offer to drive others home e.g older adults
2. Go off and get some food
3. Go for a short walk
4. Learn to dance...loads of fun on the dancefloor to be had
5. Talk to new people.

These things might sound very basic but often the simply things do work.

Good luck.

billybenner

Check it out www.facebook.com/sobersaturdays

sonicthebadger*

grace201080 wrote: »

Hi all,

I find the following helpful at events :

1. Offer to drive others home e.g older adults
2. Go off and get some food
3. Go for a short walk
4. Learn to dance...loads of fun on the dancefloor to be had
5. Talk to new people.

These things might sound very basic but often the simply things do work.

Good luck.

QFT

I haven't enjoyed drinking at events for a good few years now, that and I get epic hangovers. After a couple of months of "taking the car" (horay for drink driving laws!) I stopped noticing that I wasn't drinking and people stopped asking me why. Now I get up to just as much mischief on a night out as I did when I was drinking but I can remember it all so it's even more fun! As for talking to drunks, when it gets messy I hit the hay. Though most nights it's possible to find plenty of people still sober enough to hold a conversation even at 3am. I love weddings cause the hotel usually provides free tea and I'm a tea fiend! Learning to dance now too. Not to mention I can afford a new motorbike cause I'm not spending all my money on booze

derealbadger

sonicthebadger* wrote: »

QFT

I haven't enjoyed drinking at events for a good few years now, that and I get epic hangovers. After a couple of months of "taking the car" (horay for drink driving laws!) I stopped noticing that I wasn't drinking and people stopped asking me why. Now I get up to just as much mischief on a night out as I did when I was drinking but I can remember it all so it's even more fun! As for talking to drunks, when it gets messy I hit the hay. Though most nights it's possible to find plenty of people still sober enough to hold a conversation even at 3am. I love weddings cause the hotel usually provides free tea and I'm a tea fiend! Learning to dance now too. Not to mention I can afford a new motorbike cause I'm not spending all my money on booze

i like your name but may i add in the words of Sean Connery to Duncan McCloud there can be only one derealbadger