Pregnant- freaking out

LegacyUser

I've just found out I'm pregnant, literally did a test 5 mins ago and I really don't know what to do. It couldn't be worse timing, I'm only in a new job a couple of months, not even out of my probationary period. I was out of work for nearly 6 months before this. Used up all my savings just to keep paying my mortgage in that time. I really can't afford to be out of work for another six months. My company pays maternity but I don't think I'll qualify for it being so new.

Also I'm not with OH too long, only a year and a half, I've no doubts he is the one for me but we had so much planned before settling down to have kids. This should be years off. How do I tell him? I'm so afraid of his reaction. He has just bought a house of his own so financially he won't be in a great position either.

I'm shaking here, can't take it all in. What do i do?

Miss Fluff

You have had a big shock hon. It's a lot to take in. Please do not freak out, you need to take a deep breath and you need to calm down. Have you a friend you can trust who you can meet up with to talk it through with?

LegacyUser

I do but I don't really feel like telling anybody, people will think I'm so stupid. Being honest I've been late before and have done tests and typically half an hour later my period would I arrive. I was expecting that this time.

lilminx

Miss Fluff is right - you've literally just found out.. so give yourself time to let it sink in before you start freaking out... Talk to your OH - whatever else it's his baby too... and as Miss Fluff says - find someone you can confide in to go through the initial OMGs with.. I'm sure you'll find that talking it through with someone and hearing yourself talk about it out loud will help you figure it out.

Miss Fluff

People will not think you are stupid. You don't have to tell all in sundry. Have you a close friend that you can confide in? It really does help to talk things through to get them clear in your head. It's too much to internalise.

klumsden1982

With Regards to your probabtion, try not to worry too much
From Citizens information:

If you become pregnant while in employment in Ireland, you are entitled to take maternity leave. The entitlement to a basic period of maternity leave from employment extends to all female employees in Ireland (including casual workers), regardless of how long you have been working for the organisation or the number of hours worked per week. You can also avail of additional unpaid maternity leave. The Maternity Protection Act 1994 and the Maternity Protection (Amendment) Act 2004 provide your statutory minimum entitlements in relation to maternity at work including maternity leave.

LegacyUser

Miss Fluff wrote: »

You don't have to tell all in sundry. Have you a close friend that you can confide in?

The father of the child is the first person you should be telling about this. Seriously.

Also, you say he's just bought a house. Fair enough, that'll put a financial strain on him but at least there's a roof to put over your heads. It's a good thing, not a bad thing.

Also, take it from a father. Babies don't cost a whole lot for quite some time. Kids, not babies, are expensive so there's some time yet for you to settle financially.

Exclamation Marc

The worst thing you can do right now is to try to deal with this alone.

As the others have said, tell a close friend that you'd really appreciate some time tonight and sit down and talk with them.

Keeping it to yourself would be incredibly tough and you need someone who can calm you and support you right now.

And nobody will think you're stupid.

LegacyUser

Being Honest OH is probably my best friend even though I do have other close friends. I think it would feel like sort of a betrayal to tell someone else first.

I'm a bit calmer now, thanks for all the advice. A lot to take in and think about, I might sleep on it before telling OH or wait til the weekend when we have time together. We're actually supposed to be going down the country tomorrow after work, might be a good time when we get there.

Thanks for the links on legal advice too... I kinda knew that but think it looks awful bad from the employers point of view though and hope it doesn't damage my career prospects

How Strange

OP, take a little time to absorb the news. Of course you're in shock. This is a life changing event and you only just found out. I'm 9wks and we wanted to get pregnant but it was still a shock when I saw the positive test. I kept it to myself for a whole day before telling my OH because I needed to get my head around it. It took him a little while to process the news as well.

Would you speak to one of the crisis pregnancy agencies? They are qualified and trained to counsel you without any bias or personal involvement.

Perhaps post over on the pregnancy forum; you're not the first woman to get pregnant at an inconvenient time and there are lots of women over there to speak to.

With regards to work you say you're there a couple of months and assuming you have a 6 month probationary period then don't tell anyone until you've completed that. Possibly ask around and see what their maternity leave policy is and if there are any restrictions on qualifying for it. Also ring citizens advice and check that you qualify for the state maternity benefit.

LegacyUser

How Strange wrote: »

OP, take a little time to absorb the news. Of course you're in shock. This is a life changing event and you only just found out. I'm 9wks and we wanted to get pregnant but it was still a shock when I saw the positive test. I kept it to myself for a whole day before telling my OH because I needed to get my head around it. It took him a little while to process the news as well.

Would you speak to one of the crisis pregnancy agencies? They are qualified and trained to counsel you without any bias or personal involvement.

Perhaps post over on the pregnancy forum; you're not the first woman to get pregnant at an inconvenient time and there are lots of women over there to speak to.

With regards to work you say you're there a couple of months and assuming you have a 6 month probationary period then don't tell anyone until you've completed that. Possibly ask around and see what their maternity leave policy is and if there are any restrictions on qualifying for it. Also ring citizens advice and check that you qualify for the state maternity benefit.

There official policy in handbook says nothing except you are entitles to statutory. I know that they have been paying topping up the statutory so that staff are on their full pay while out, which would be great but I don't know if this will apply to me.

How Strange

momma2b wrote: »

There official policy in handbook says nothing except you are entitles to statutory. I know that they have been paying topping up the statutory so that staff are on their full pay while out, which would be great but I don't know if this will apply to me.

Well if it doesn't specify exclusions or qualifying conditions I would assume it applies to you. Unless it directly affects your day to day duties I wouldn't say anything to your employer until 4 months+.

momma2b

Thanks for advice. Probably best to keep under wraps until I pass probation, which I think I should do. Although based on the amount of work I've done today I probably won't :rolleyes:

Been googling every symtom and guides on telling OH since I found out. My heart is racing, so nervous.

I've been doing some calculations and I think I may have missed a whole week of the pill, took a 2 week break instead of 1, how silly could I be. I've gotten both myself and OH in a really bad situation

Thank you all so much for advice.

Motley Crue

momma2b wrote: »

how silly could I be. I've gotten both myself and OH in a really bad situation

It takes two, if you were taking a break from the pill for whatever reason, he should have been using a condom just to be safe

But there's no point in blaming yourself, because this is a blessing rather then a mistake, and you will look back on today as one of the greatest days of your life

Discuss it with your OH and make rational decisions, talk about the implications and decide upon the best course of action for your future situation

IzzyWizzy

Motley Crue wrote: »

It takes two, if you were taking a break from the pill for whatever reason, he should have been using a condom just to be safe

She wasn't taking a break. She forgot to take it when she was supposed to. Don't think the boyfriend should be blamed for that.

But anyway, the situation sounds fine. Sure, it's not the ideal time, but when is it ever? You say he's the one, he's just bought a house, presumably he's working as well. It's really not a bad position to be in at all. Only thing is the job thing is a bit unfortunate, but it happens.

tinkerbell

OP, take a deep breath - this is a huge shock to you right now. As for your probation, they can't fire you for being pregnant. In fact, it's not your employer's business to know just yet that you are so no need to tell them right away. You wouldn't be telling anyone anyway until you are at least 12 weeks gone.

As for the maternity pay, companies must give you maternity leave, however it could be paid / unpaid. I know with some companies (I assume this is standard?) that you only get normal full pay (less social welfare maternity benefit) if you have been there for a certain number of years first.

Also, tell your OH. You say he's the one and you were planning on having children eventually. These things happen - it just means you're doing your eventual plans in reverse order, and there's nothing wrong with that. Just take some time to sit down and think about things, hope everything works out ok *hug*

dublingal80

talk to your oh. i couldnt imagine keeping something like that from my oh. i would immediately be calling him freaking out!

talk to him and the two of you can think about what to do over the next couple of weeks. talking to him will help sooooo much

momma2b

Thanks for all the advice everyone. I told OH last night and he couldn't have been more understanding. I would go as far as to say he was happy about the news. He says it's earlier than expected but it was part of plan anyways so how bad. Reminds me why I fell in love with him

Anyway now that we can deal with it together all the other things don't seem too bad, I'll just take it as it comes.

How Strange

momma2b wrote: »

Thanks for all the advice everyone. I told OH last night and he couldn't have been more understanding. I would go as far as to say he was happy about the news. He says it's earlier than expected but it was part of plan anyways so how bad. Reminds me why I fell in love with him

Anyway now that we can deal with it together all the other things don't seem too bad, I'll just take it as it comes.

Fantastic news
See how sometimes we tie ourselves up in knots worrying about the what-ifs.

Look after yourself and enjoy this lovely time together.

LegacyUser

hey momma to be,

We were in same situation couple of years ago, we'd only been together a year and a half and were a little freaked out. However, it's definitely the best thing that has ever happened to us. We've a one year old that makes us so happy every day and has changed our lives completely, nearly all for the better. Of course, there'll be tough times, stress, hormones, sleepless nights, and all the other things that come with pregnancy and having a child, but it really is worth it. Delighted to hear your boyfriend took it well. Best of luck on your journey.