Happily Married Man ???

Carter12

Hi

I know im going to be slated for this, but that’s fine, ive slated myself enough over the years and called myself all the names as well.

Anyway, I know this man 10 years, we were great friends and then he split with his GF, so it got physical about 5 years ago. We were never a couple and it was a secret between us. I fell hard for him but knew it wasn’t the same for him and never told him how I felt.

He met someone else and we stopped seeing each other. The contact between us started again after a few months and we started up an affair, (I know) even after he married.

Anyway, I finished it last year with lots of heartbreak on my side and ive tried to move on. His wife had a baby in January and a week later he contacted me again wanting to meet up. Ive asked him to leave me alone, I tried ignoring his txts and email (for 2 months at 1 stage) and he is still contacting me.

ANYWAY, after all that Im just wondering why? Does he not care about his wife ? Is he not scared he is going to be caught and lose his marriage ? . He txt me 12 times yesterday, I got so scared that he was going to show up at my house that I went out for the day and switched off my phone. I then got another txt last night asking if I was home alone, I didn’t reply.

Im sure he will move on to someone else eventually, but im just wondering why does he do it, if he says things like how happy he is, and how his wedding day was the happiest day of his life????

carmel27

The only person that can tell you why is this guy. Nobody else knows the answer.
But if you have any sense at all, you'll cut all contact with him. Change your number or do whatever it takes. Hes making a fool out of his wife, and probably you also. If he was truly in love with you, why hasnt he left his wife for you? If you ask me, he's having his cake and eating it too.
Forget about him.

Ickle Magoo

There is no point naval-gazing about how he feels and why. If he wanted to be with you, there wouldn't be a wife.

Change your e-mail and buy a new sim card and move on and find someone who wants to be in proper relationship with you, not just clandestine sex.

fairycakes

Hi OP

Your doing the right thing just keep ignoring his texts can you change your mobile number? He is playing games with you and should be stopped.
I would strongly recommend you tell his wife she does not deserve to be treated like this..

You don't owe this guy anything start over again and be happy you deserve that from a single guy stay strong

Good luck
FC

kenbrady

Carter12 wrote: »

ANYWAY, after all that Im just wondering why? Does he not care about his wife ?

Im sure he will move on to someone else eventually, but im just wondering why does he do it, if he says things like how happy he is, and how his wedding day was the happiest day of his life????

Sex, ego boost, because you are desperate enough to fall for it.

Carter12 wrote: »

it was a secret between us.

Even when he was single he wouldn't tell people you were going out. Just shows his opinion of you

magneticimpulse

Well you obvisously dont really want him to stop contacting you...if you did you would change your phone number. I mean how much does a sim card cost?? 10 euro at the most. For peace of mind, its really worth it.

Also if you were that scared, Id call the Gardai and ask them to ring his number and give this married man a warning that he is harrassing you. The Gardai know how to deal with this. They will tell him, if he contacts you again, they will issue him with a court date.

Simple as....if you cant follow those steps, id seriously doubt you have any self confidence or respect for yourself and go to counceling to sort it out. Leave this man alone, he doesnt love anybody. HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU.

Miss Fluff

Carter12 wrote: »

[Im sure he will move on to someone else eventually, but im just wondering why does he do it, if he says things like how happy he is, and how his wedding day was the happiest day of his life???? [/FONT][/SIZE]

I think you are maybe hoping that someone will reply saying it's because he loves you and he can't stay away and he really wants to be with you. Which is not the case at all. He's just another cheating scumbag (and what kind of dirtbag goes actively looking for the ride elsewhere ONE WEEK after his wife has delivered his baby? Seriously....:mad:)

It's very very easy to put a stop to this. You can block his number so you will never receive texts from him again, or you change your number. You can maybe send one parting text to say if he dares contact you again you will contact his wife. It is very easy to prevent the toxic ba$tard from making contact though......

SarahSassy

I personally would tell his wife... She needs to know what a low life she has on her hands in order to protect herself (STI's etc) and her baby.

It will also stop his calls...

mood

You know what you did was wrong so I'm not going into the ins and outs of that. Obviously he only thinks for himself not you or his wife.

Text him once more and tell him you will tell his wife what happened and contact the guards and report him for harassment if he ever contacts you again in any way. That should put a stop to it.

dublingal80

Anyway, I know this man 10 years, we were great friends and then he split with his GF, so it got physical about 5 years ago. We were never a couple and it was a secret between us. - why you both not want it to be out in the open about you guys, or do you think he just wwanted sex?

Anyway, I finished it last year with lots of heartbreak on my side (well done op!) and ive tried to move on. His wife had a baby in January and a week later he contacted me again wanting to meet up. (its more than likely because his wife cant have sex now for a few weeks after giving birth...what a nice man) Ive asked him to leave me alone, I tried ignoring his txts and email (for 2 months at 1 stage) and he is still contacting me. (i think if you keep literally ignoring him, and dont even reply to his texts asking him to leave you alone, it should make him go away. there wont be a point in contacting you if you arent texting him back. if that doesnt work, change your number)

ANYWAY, after all that Im just wondering why? (because he is able to get away with it) Does he not care about his wife ? (he obviously has no respect for her, especially at a time when she has just given birth, she needs him so much right now) Is he not scared he is going to be caught and lose his marriage ? .(he is just being completely selfish and probably doesnt care if he is caught) He txt me 12 times yesterday, I got so scared that he was going to show up at my house that I went out for the day and switched off my phone. I then got another txt last night asking if I was home alone, I didn’t reply. (keep it up op. dont reply at all he will get bored of it)

Im sure he will move on to someone else eventually,(yup!) but im just wondering why does he do it, if he says things like how happy he is, and how his wedding day was the happiest day of his life???? (there are so many different reasons why people cheat, but just keep doing what you are doing and you will be ok)

ash23

Carter12 wrote: »

His wife had a baby in January and a week later he contacted me again wanting to meet up.

ANYWAY, after all that Im just wondering why? Does he not care about his wife ? Is he not scared he is going to be caught and lose his marriage ?

just wondering why does he do it, if he says things like how happy he is, and how his wedding day was the happiest day of his life????

Why? Because he's gotten away with it for this long that he thinks he can continue.
Why? Because he wasn't getting any at home a week after his wife gave birth and wanted to get laid.
Why? Because he thinks you'll give in eventually if he is persistant enough. You only managed 2 months of not contacting him.
Why? Because he's a selfish pr1ck who only thinks about what he wants.

He loves his wife but he loves himself more. And he doesn't love you at all.

Carter12

Hi

Thanks everyone for your straight answers, I needed a good talking to

I know he doesnt love me but thats not an issue anymore. Theres no way im telling his wife, I just couldnt. He will carry on cheating with someone else and be found out eventually, but it wont be with me.

Ill tell him to leave me alone and if not ill threaten him with police. That should do it !

thanks again

SarahSassy

I really think she needs to know so she can use condoms etc if she chooses to stay with him, to protect herself.

sorry op must be hard to fall in love with a dickhead you deserve better and i hope karma kicks him up the arse

Denimgirl

This guy is a scumbag! he is good for nobody! change your number and email address he's will mess with your head and life,stay away!!

shhhhh

I'd also advise changing your number in this case, I've been there myself with an ex (not married thankfully) who just wouldnt leave me alone and kept coming back every single time he was single and changing my number was the best thing I ever did for my sanity and for my emotions... my guess is he knows you well enough to know you wont report him to the police so ringing him is just going to incite him to contact you more...

tbh

tell him that any texts he sends you, you'll forward to his wife. and then do it.

SarahSassy

Or block his number.

Oryx

The man has been using you as an emotional and sexual crutch from the beginning. No strings sex might seem like a very modern and liberated way to do things, but in reality, it gives him the freedom to use you and not have to offer you any care or regard in return. (and vice versa, if you were the sort to want that detachment).

He cares about his wife, but when he gets horny or lonely, all bets are off. And he was in the midst of new baby chaos, which is hard, his wife is temporarily not who she was before, tired and phsycially damaged, so he turns to you, as he always has, for some light relief. You are a girl who will still have a tight body, and no post partum issues, and you are handy. Its his habit to use you, instead of toughing out the lonely days and his horny days when he cant get sex from his wife.

He may never learn how to deal with his life without looking around for distractions when things in his 'real life' are hard. He may always be a cheat. But you cant fix him, nor can you be the one to judge or punish him. You are out of his life now, and you need to really make that a fact. Posting here shows you still hold feelings for him, and you need to let them go. He will NEVER give you a true emotional bond, you were never a 'lover' in that sense to him. Yes, he may move on to other women, but truly thats none of your business, and if you feel you still have to involve yourself in what he does (telling his wife) you wont be able to remove yourself from his life fully.

He may have been wonderful when he was with you, he may know how to say all the right things. But that was just window dressing to make shagging him seem a legitimate thing for you to do. But all you or any other woman will be is an emotional fix for him, he sounds emotionally immature, still stuck in a place where getting his kicks are what matters, not deepening a relationship with another person through the hard times.

Carter12

Thanks for that.

Yes I still have feelings for him, he doesnt know how I feel about him (maybe i could tell him and that would get rid of him LOL ).

Ive no intention of telling his wife, there are kiddies involved as well. I just couldnt do it. We always used protection.

Ive been in counselling for the past while so working through some stuff. I just want to get past this..

thanks again