Living abroad

avalanche

i have been in a long term relationship now for almost 7 years with a girl from a foreign country. we met and lived together in ireland - im irish - for about 4 years before moving over here to where she is from. the problem is im here about 3 years and i cant decide whether this is really where i want to be. i miss a lot of things, family, friends , language, scenery, even the weather at times, im also restricted workwise due to language restrictions i can speak the language pretty well but recession etc... Basically some key areas of my life are not working out. ive few friends, no family here, not great job prospects and dont particularly love the location. This does come in waves but the fact that i think it at all worries me. is my life here going to be forever filled with these doubts?im far from convinced. i find myself getting annoyed by the things that are done differently here, too many people, small apartments etc.. she is not interested in returning to ireland so its really a case of decide to stay here with her or go home alone. its a more than difficult choice. any adivce?

Exclamation Marc

My advice is that in life you have to be as close to 100% content as you can be.

And whilst you sound happy in your relationship, it seems as if every single other facet of your life is making you unhappy.

Happy with: relationship
Unhappy with: Family life, friendships, language, scenery, weather, work, job prospects, location, small apartments, too many people.

You should talk to your girlfriend about how unhappy you are with life, that you love her, but you aren't getting any joy out of life where you are and what comes with it.

Considering you have (i assume) no commitments (marriage, kids, mortgage), then at least the decision is somewhat easier for you. If you have tried everything and simply can't find happiness where you are, is it worth it for the relationship?

Or would you rather live at home where you have family, friends, crap weather (which you like), no language problems, and a location you enjoy. If you are convinced you will never find happiness and have tried to find happiness there, then thats probably not going to change. Whereas if you move home, you get all the parts of life you miss/want back, and you'll eventually meet someone new, but in a location where you can be happy.

It is a huge decision and I'm not trying to simplify it down to something as simple as what to order off a menu, but at the end of the day, you should aim to be as happy as you can be, and apart from the gf you have, it sounds like you're not even slightly happy. Plus, having little friends and no family around is a hard life to live.

Hope this helps OP.

LegacyUser

I came to Ireland nearly twenty years ago and I still miss my home very much. I have no close friends and a few acquaintances. No language barrier, but I'm not outgoing and have found it difficult to get close to people I've met. My OH's family are lovely but busy with their own lives and not living in the same area we are. At first I was very active in a community of my own but that gets difficult after so many years as people go home and you're left behind. I never did go to work here, and while it might have been possible during the height of the boom years I would never manage to find anything now.

What I have is a hobby I love that takes up much of my time and (most importantly) the internet so I can communicate with cyber-friends who share my interests. Because I was already married it was a different situation than you find yourself in, but looking back over the years I wouldn't change my decision. Yes, I had a much better lifestyle, better housing (still feel like crying when I see what I left behind!), much nicer cars, and (of course) FAR better weather. The thought of being ill didn't frighten me the way it does with the health system here. But I love my OH very much and on balance think I'm happier with him here than at home with my family and old friends, despite the MANY things that still annoy me from time to time.

So really it comes down to your relationship, is it worth staying there for or not? Only you can decide, and if you stay there be prepared to always miss home a bit. Some people settle better than others, and some locations are easier to settle in as well. I wish you luck making your decision!

avalanche

thanks for the feedback, i know that sounded pretty complaining but thats honestly how i feel .but should i really throw my relationship away because of these things. sometimes i find it hard to get my priorities right regarding which is more important. anyone??

R.D. aka MR.D

I know exactly what you are going through in terms of friends/language barrier and weather!

I'm heading home next month for other reasons and leaving my OH behind.

But even if those circumstances were different I would still leave because this is not the place for me. My OH is very important to me but then again so is MY life. Our shared life is amazing but I know that my life can be amazing too without the depression/desperation of living in a country I don't enjoy.

So I would say do what will make you the most happy personally. Sometimes it is hard to leave a relationship but some times it is for the best.

My other suggestion is a compromise- why can't your OH compromise and the two of you move somewhere else that might suit both of you better?

peasant

avalanche wrote: »

im here about 3 years and i cant decide whether this is really where i want to be.

Have you been back to Ireland lately? The job situation is pretty bleak at the moment.
Wherever "here" is ...you've got a job (and a partner) there. Whatever you do, don't do anything rash.

Glenshane Pass

You could be coming back to Ireland for a very boring lifestyle consdering the job situation. Can you get involved in some clubs or any of that craic over there? Well done for coming this far anyway. Have a big think about it and discuss at full with your partner.

[-0-]

The grass is always greener mate. Trust me, if you came back to Ireland you'd be sick of it in a couple of weeks. What you should do is try to come home maybe twice a year to help you with your feelings of longing.

You can always improve your life over there. There's nothing stopping you from picking up a few hobbies, going to the gym, taking a night course, etc.

Please keep in mind that 13.8% of the population in Ireland are unemployed - I think that's around 450k. It's not pretty here, and while I am working lots of my friends are not.

I'm actually considering moving abroad but I'm not so certain about leaving a well paying job in a recession.

If I had what you had I would be counting myself very lucky. Chin up my friend.