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Barely controlled anger

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  • 01-07-2010 3:18am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi all

    Im a 20 year old college student who has never had a girlfriend. For years this brought me down and was the sole focus of my life but after years of trying I have finally accepted that I dont know what im doing wrong and that I should (for the time beeing at least) give up. Mostly this hasnt been too bad as I have good friends with whom I have a good laugh. Being single has also given me the energy and drive to suceed in sports and have the balls to go out and experience many wonderful things in life (If im going to die alone as an evolutionary failure im going to at least show the world that I can suceed in other things).

    However I am finding it hard controling my anger when certain things remind me of my situation. I cant stand public displays of affection, I mean REALLY cant. The site of it makes my blood boil. I just want to go over and ruin things for them or feel like starting a fight with the guy for no reason. It leaves me in an angry mood from which I find it hard to calm down from. I was at my worst when I was stupid enough to fall for a girl and she inevitably got a girlfriend. I spent the next two years watching as she had her face eaten off by her boyfriend. Everytime I saw that I just wanted I would spend the day with the worst rage searing through me. I would get home and fantasise about smashing everything I own.

    The anger feels really good and helps me to succeed (getting angry really helps my sporting life and gives me a high level of assertivness and a refusal to take **** from anyone) but I know it's far from healthy. Im not sure if I really want it to stop. I guess im just fed up of being single and dont have a anyone to blame for it but myself and because I dont know what to do have become this ball of frustrated rage.

    Should I try stop being angry and if yes what should I do about it?


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    #2
    sexdwarf
    Closed Accounts Posts: 178 ✭✭sexdwarf


    You're only 20 years old, LOADS of people don't have relationships until they're in their twenties. Try not to get too cynical or stressed, work on the anger and make an extra effort to mix with new people, get talking to girls on nights out. Maybe some meditation, massages or relaxation techniques might help you with the anger?

    You are still a young 'un, plenty of time to find a girlfriend, don't worry!


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    #3
    Dravokivich
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Music Moderators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,360 CMod ✭✭✭✭Dravokivich


    angerisagoodthing wrote: »
    Should I try stop being angry and if yes what should I do about it?

    Yes, you really need to get that anger sorted out.

    To me, it seems a lot like Jealousy. But it also comes across that a lot of the anger you hold towards couples is a reflection of yourself not being involved with someone.


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    #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    sexdwarf wrote: »
    You're only 20 years old, LOADS of people don't have relationships until they're in their twenties. Try not to get too cynical or stressed, work on the anger and make an extra effort to mix with new people, get talking to girls on nights out. Maybe some meditation, massages or relaxation techniques might help you with the anger?

    You are still a young 'un, plenty of time to find a girlfriend, don't worry!


    Well if I no girls are interested in me when I am in colllege (a time when I am surounded by hundreds of single women daily) what are the odds going to be like when I leave and things become even harder.

    Not good is my guess. If I cant get a girl to save my life now then I will only get worse as time progresses and it makes me more angry.


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    #5
    sexdwarf
    Closed Accounts Posts: 178 ✭✭sexdwarf


    Well I didn't have my first proper relationship til I was in 3rd year of college and I've had plenty of relationships since and am in one now. It's different for everyone, doesn't mean it's never going to happen. If you get all cynical and angry, that's not going to help. You need to be friendly and keep up your spirits, don't be defeatist at such a young age!


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    #6
    The Recliner
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,630 ✭✭✭The Recliner


    angerisagoodthing wrote: »
    Well if I no girls are interested in me when I am in colllege (a time when I am surounded by hundreds of single women daily) what are the odds going to be like when I leave and things become even harder.

    Not good is my guess. If I cant get a girl to save my life now then I will only get worse as time progresses and it makes me more angry.

    Actually you might be surprised

    When you are young and in college you generaly can only date from people around the same age as you

    As you get older like when you are in your 30's you can date people from their 20's, 30's, 40's etc, the dating pool to use an Americanism actually gets larger as you get older

    Plus people mature at different stages and what people your age find attractive now wont be what they find attractive later in life


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    #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    The longer I wait, the angrier I get. Im starting to become a little mysoginistic too. After years of trying I just want to run up and yell "what the **** am I doing wrong" to people. I would trade it all to be a ladies man. Some of them are complete losers but have that hidden element that lets them get women. Whats the point of achieving anything if I spend my entire life focused on how much of a failure I am in evolutionary terms while some slob can succeed.

    Im thinking of trying some pick up artist material. At least I will get a solution that doesnt involve me spending years becoming an angry headcase.

    I just want to get into a fight, and let it all go. Just keep swinging until they are a bloody mess on the floor. I dont care who they are or even if they are bigger than me. I just want to let it all out. Everywhere I see these public displays of affection and they are driving me insane. I just want to tell them to **** off. I feel like im going to explode.


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    #8
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I'm the exact same OP, except rather than anger, when I see couples together (especially when I find the girl attractive) I get a terrible feeling of emptiness mixed with an incredible sense of desire. I WANT THAT.

    It's harder for me because I am 25 and have never even kissed a girl. I left college long ago and let me tell you, it is 100x harder now to meet girls. See the college counsellor and get into the college dating scene NOW or you will regret it for the rest of your life.

    I have decided that if by the time I am 27 I still have not got with a girl, I will commit suicide. Life would be too pathetic to live at 27 being a complete frigit. I won't stand for it, if I can't do it by then I'll never be able to do it.

    On the bright side though, my mates are adamant that if I'm 26 and still frigit, they are going to drag me to a hooker just to get it over with. Can't say I'm happy about this but beggars can't be choosers.

    Anyway my point is, see the counsellor, talk through your feelings and get into the college dating scene NOW!


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    #9
    Victor
    Registered Users Posts: 78,333 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    angerisagoodthing wrote: »
    I just want to get into a fight, and let it all go.
    That isn't very constructive. While the feelings might be understandable, the behaviour wouldn't be acceptable. At best someone gets slightly hurt. A worst its hospital and/or prison.

    If you have persistent thoughts like this, perhaps join a gym or martial arts club to use up the anger and adrenelin. I think it might also be useful to have a word with your doctor on advice for reducing stress and anger.

    Someone mentioned massage above and it might be useful. No, you won't get your jollies, but it is close personal contact and is relaxing.


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    #10
    Victor
    Registered Users Posts: 78,333 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    imthesame wrote: »
    It's harder for me because I am 25 and have never even kissed a girl. I left college long ago and let me tell you, it is 100x harder now to meet girls. See the college counsellor and get into the college dating scene NOW or you will regret it for the rest of your life.
    I wouldn't necessarily agree that its harder to get together with someone after college than during.
    I have decided that if by the time I am 27 I still have not got with a girl, I will commit suicide. Life would be too pathetic to live at 27 being a complete frigit. I won't stand for it, if I can't do it by then I'll never be able to do it.
    Surely this is melodramatic? At least try going to salsa first.


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    #11
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Victor wrote: »
    That isn't very constructive. While the feelings might be understandable, the behaviour wouldn't be acceptable. At best someone gets slightly hurt. A worst its hospital and/or prison.

    If you have persistent thoughts like this, perhaps join a gym or martial arts club to use up the anger and adrenelin. I think it might also be useful to have a word with your doctor on advice for reducing stress and anger.

    Someone mentioned massage above and it might be useful. No, you won't get your jollies, but it is close personal contact and is relaxing.

    Thanks for the advice. I know it would be a bad idea to act and im trying really hard but if this keeps up one day im going to snap.

    I am already competing in a martial art (amongst other sports) and I have been able to channel my anger to achieve great results in competition. But even when I win and experience the brief surge of victory I usually see my opponent afterwards being embraced by their gf or you see some other public display of affection in the crowd and I once again begin to feel the anger building.

    I am a sports junkie as it is the only way its the only succesful way I have found to keep my anger down.


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