Feeling lost.

LegacyUser

Hi, not sure if this is the right place to post this or if there has been countless posts like this before.. I just don't where i'm going anymore, i work in a job i hate i'm with the two same guys everyday and you have to watch everything you say or there is serious mood swings, i'm a very easy going and probably a bit sensitive at times, but it's very frustrating
The pay is pretty bad and i'm doing in FAS any chance i get and looking at online sites i am
thankful for having a job but there's just noone to talk to there or have an adult conversation with because it's all about the job and back stabbing..
My girlfriend broke up with me about a year ago and i know in my heart i'm still not over her
even though there is no chance of us getting back together i have gone out on dates and
stuff since her but just can't seem to connect with anyone. I had to move back home to my parents house because i want to save for my own, and it's going well slow but still
I get on with my parents but i don't really have any friends can be shy and right now just find life very frustrating - i feel like everything is on hold i'm 36 years old i don't want to be stuck in this situation this time next year, i want to live again i want too experience life and
stuff and stop feeling sorry for myself but i just don't know how to move forward..
Thanks for reading this..

Angus Og

You're only as old as you feel. It doesn't matter about your situation. Humans are really just binary. We live or we die. There is no in between. Whatever makes you feel alive is what matters. Your life isn't so bad by the sounds of it.

LegacyUser

Hi, I'm feeling pretty similar to you and I'm just a bit younger so I feel the pressure too. I don't want to be the way I am in a years time. I have a few very good decent friends but I rarely see them, so its hard, I feel like I don't have enough support. My parents are supportive though as well so I'm lucky that way. I do try and appreciate my life because I know plenty of people are a lot worse off. I would just love to have more friends in my life, I, like you, am shy as well and lack confidence and it was always hard for me to make friends but I'm feeling extra blue about it at the moment. Also someone who I thought was a good friend - and met in the last few years - turned out not to be so I guess thats why I'm feeling it more these days.

Its hard when you are around lousy people, I am self employed so don't have to deal with much of that but I'm sharing a house with people I don't get along with, at least in the last while. It gets you down. I guess I should just move but I'm fed up of not being settled. You're right to save for your own place in any case. I don't know what else to say since I essentially feel the same as you.

LegacyUser

I think the above response is unhelpful to say the least. op do you have friends or family you could speak to about this? its obviously getting you down, and you need someone to talk to. Living at home at this stage in your life may also go against you quite significantly with the moving on with new relationships, would you think of a house share? new friends, and your own gaff?.

A lot of people hate their jobs, have problems communicating with other staff members, it might be a good idea to send your cv to a few recruitment agencies in your vicinity, and Fas has a website too http://fas.ie/en/ to keep an eye.

The most important thing is not to lose hope in your life getting better, theres allways going to be bad days op, but you do have a plan, concentrate on working for your new home, try to meet new people, join some clubs, go to boards beers, try to find common ground with your colleagues, dont give up op

LegacyUser

I think the angus ogs response is particularly unhelpful. op do you have friends or family you could speak to about this? its obviously getting you down, and you need someone to talk to. Living at home at this stage in your life may also go against you quite significantly with the moving on with new relationships, would you think of a house share? new friends, and your own gaff?.

A lot of people hate their jobs, have problems communicating with other staff members, it might be a good idea to send your cv to a few recruitment agencies in your vicinity, and Fas has a website too http://fas.ie/en/ to keep an eye.

The most important thing is not to lose hope in your life getting better, theres allways going to be bad days op, but you do have a plan, concentrate on working for your new home, try to meet new people, join some clubs, go to boards beers, try to find common ground with your colleagues, dont give up op

LegacyUser

I realise I wasn't giving any helpful advice, like I said I'm in the same situation myself so...maybe its a bit like the blind leading the blind. I know it does help me to know that I'm not the only one. But I appreciate your advice EmilieVander. It is important not to lose hope and to believe that your life can get better. I really needed to hear that too!

In fairness though OP did say that he is looking on Fás any chance he gets and that he is in a low paid job so the chances of being able to rent a place and save money for a house may be quite slim...or maybe not, I don't know his situation.

I have looked on other threads where people are asking for advice on how to meet people. They suggest meetup.com and getout.ie and also volunteering. Volunteering might be an option OP as you would meet people of a different mindset and I know I've often heard it said that one of the best ways to help yourself is to help others...You might just gain another skill aswell.

And OP maybe you could try talking to someone about the breakup so that you can move on. or...This might not be your 'thing' at all but no harm in telling you, Paul McKenna has written a book called 'I can mend your broken heart' no idea what its like or anything but just thought I'd mention it as it came to mind.

I really need to meet new people myself, it is hard when you're shy, I think people who aren't shy don't understand that its not so easy to just switch and be outgoing and friendly. But for myself at the moment, I've decided that the best thing to do is focus on my talents and hobbies and try and develop them rather than focusing on the problems in my life. Hopefully things will unfold for me through that. In that sense I can appreciate what the second poster said about people being binary...I'm trying to focus on doing what makes me happy, alive etc instead of mulling over problems and worries about the future.

Stay positive! I'm saying that as much to myself as to OP!

LegacyUser

goingget, I didnt mean your comment, I'm sure having someone else know how he feels would be a great help to the op. You ideas, especially volunterring sound very good. My Gf was very much in the same boat when I met her, she joined a photography night class I was on at the time, and we're together 4 years now. But the night class was one of many, she had also taken up aerobics, a walking group, writing classes and cycling, all as part of clubs, and she still even now has friends she made then, she would be very shy too, but she found it easier, she said, when she had some common interest or ground to discuss.

If you focus on the small changes you can make now, everyday, try speaking to women, (maybe its easier if you dont find them particularly attractive) get used to chatting to women and men you dont know, get used to listening to them and asking questions, making conversation every day, then maybe it wont be so hard when you do join clubs or meet new people. Theres someone out there for you two guys, just waiting to meet you, and wishing for someone just like you, dont forget that

LegacyUser

Thank you EmilieVander and goingget for the advice i do appericate it.. It's kind off an awarkward situation i guess because off the low paid job it's hard to even think about renting somewere because longterm i probably be in a bigger mess that i am in now - i am on the housing list and things like that but i know that could take years..

It is extremly hard when your shy as goingget says,it's trying to think of what to say to people and not feel like you are going to say something stupid, i do try and make conversation with people but am not always sure if i am going to say the right thing - i have started to go to gigs and stuff by myself because i really want to make the effort in getting out there and stuff but when your there it can make you sad because you know you are alone.. The only friends i do have are online but they live in different countries so your back to square one really - It just a vicious circle really because i know it's not really a healthy way to live i just want what everyone else has but at times seem to be further away from it then ever...