Feel like a right old tit

LegacyUser

I just feel like a right tit and need to get something off my chest (sorry for the pun-not intended).

I was on holidays - came home a few days ago. While there, I met a guy - no hanky panky - lots of talking and got on very well. On my part, I could feel there was something there - maybe I imagined it on his - although I could feel restraint. We've decided to keep in touch by fb. Now Ive discovered he is actually in a relationship and is 7 - yes 7 years younger. I feel like such an old tit. Self esteem was about 1. Now its zero again. Big judgement error I think - or maybe it was flattery or I dont know. At my age (32) I shouldnt be feeling like this, should I? I came out of a long term relationship a year ago and possibly was/am feeling lonely.

Am I just a hapless, stupid old woman?

Katgurl

OP, first of all 32 is not old and if age never came up, i'm sure he probably paid no attention to it either.

so you felt something for a man you met & got on well with on holidays? totally natural. he didn't mention his OH, its hardly your fault.

you have nothign and i mean NOTHING to feel embarrassed about.

StarryMoon0

7 years younger ? Awesome!
Why you feeling so bad?? Really .. he didn't tell you he was in a relationship.

Don't beat yourself up so bad .. enjoy it for what it was and whatever..

Honestly, don't feel like a tit .. only you can make yourself feel bad for this..

sara-lou

Awesome x 2!

What have you done wrong, Nothing! you were on hols enjoying yourself. Don't be beating yourself up about this you didn't sleep with him so you should look at it as a holiday thing... Maybe don't be his friend on facebook!
What happens in vegas.......

LegacyUser

I think I am more embarassed than anything. I really really fancied a man/boy 7 years younger than me and need to get that out of my head now. He didnt lead me on or anything - you know when you just click with someone and get on with them very well? Age and partners never came up - well he asked me a personal question once - but I am single so didnt think anything of it. I dont know what I was thinking or expecting. I should have more cop on. I thought he was older and interested - he approached me and now I find he is neither so guess am just a bit upset/embarassed. He must think what a saddo...will leave well alone now. Gonna start building that wall back up again.

Silverfish

Woah woah woah.

There's 8 years between me and my bf - and only a little older than you OP.

Really, this isn't your age or anything - this is just one of those things that happen regardless of what age you are. Perhaps he did like you, but he had a girlfriend and decided not to pursue it. Or maybe he wasn't interested in that way at all, but there's no harm in you thinking he might have been - if it turns out he isn't, then you shrug it off and move on from it.

But don't beat yourself up over it.

Miss Fluff

It's a complete over-reaction and you are being extremely hard on yourself for no apparent reason whatsoever. Your attitude is a bit shocking to be honest. Give yourself a break girl!

You refer to this as a "Big judgement error".....what is exactly??????

You had a flirt on holiday with someone you clicked with who you mistakenly took to be around your own age and suspected he was single. He didn't lie to you. He didn't mislead you. He didn't sleep with you or treat you horribly. He didn't make false promises.

You are 32, hardly a fossil. You didn't actually form a relationship with this guy so hardly a hangable offence, why you should let it damage your self-esteem as you put it is a little baffling.

SheRa

Have to echo the above 2 posts, you are being waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to hard on yourself.

rightejit wrote: »

Gonna start building that wall back up again.

No no no, why would you do that:(?

LegacyUser

@ silverfish you mean you are 6 years older than your boyfriend?

Just embarassed - I thought I was a bit long in the tooth for all this stuff. I am even picking up wrong signals now - its the first time in a year that I have let someone in I guess - possibly goes to show the state of my self esteem was in in the first place.

Silverfish

rightejit wrote: »

@ silverfish you mean you are 6 years older than your boyfriend?

Just embarassed - I thought I was a bit long in the tooth for all this stuff. I am even picking up wrong signals now - its the first time in a year that I have let someone in I guess - possibly goes to show the state of my self esteem was in in the first place.

No, 8 years older. But wrong signals is not something that goes away with age, or even experience. And perhaps you weren't even picking them up wrong.

Have you talked to him at all since?

Miss Fluff

Ah girl, you've to kiss many a frog to find that prince. Don't let a little thing like this effect you.

He sounds like a nice chap, and you had a bit of fun and felt a little bit of motion in the ocean.;) That's a VERY VERY positive development. Means you are ready to open up a little and would consider getting involved, albeit on a lighthearted or casual footing to start. You met someone who you found attractive enough to have a little connection with. Maybe he did too. But he is taken. You can still find someone very attractive without actually acting on it.

My God, wouldn't it have been exceptional and downright barmy to have met the love of your life the second you choose to let your guard down a little?

Don't build a wall around you as the only person who that will damage in the long run is your good self. Seriously.

And I'm 33 so I take umbridge at your old biddy self-assessment:rolleyes:

LegacyUser

Wow - I am impressed. Have you ever had any problems because of this?
We spoke via personal message on that fb site - now its awkward as I messaged him this morning and havent heard anything, plus all the other stuff. Only dawned on me what the heck was I doing. I wont be sending anything else - will leave the poor guy alone now. I know I cant second guess what anyone is thinking either way, but my instinct is saying back off now.

LegacyUser

Miss Fluff, your post actually brought a little tear to my eye.

I havent found anyone nice or interesting enough (in my eyes) since and one that I do, cant have - and I would not pursure anything like that.
Just goes to show the luck I have with men. I could write a book.

Miss Fluff

Aw, don't think like that. Not everyone you have a crush on is going to be attainable or reciprocate that crush. That's life. That's the way it is. And while you don't want to get hurt, and that is understandable, you have to recognise and accept that you MAY.

But that's not even relevant to this particular situation. Stop taking it so personally and seriously. Putting so much impetus on a mere flirt is not good for your mental health. You are a young 'un, you are very recently out of a long-term relationship, why inflict this angst and pressure on yourself. Chill out....!!

LegacyUser

I agree with the other posters you did nothing wrong and a 26 year old guy when you are 32 is NO big deal at all!!!!! hey, even if you were ten years older i wouldnt give it a second thought. Age is not important as the person and the connection you have with them.

leave that wall down, you did nothing at all to be embarrassed about.

StarryMoon0

OP, please ..give yourself a break..
dang..yer making me feel old!!!
I'm 35 and well, I'd be downright thrilled if i was single and met someone i had a nice time with with.. be it 7 yrs younger or older..who cares??

Some guys like older women as well ... no problem in that!

Not like you actually did anything and robbed him of his virginity

Eve_Dublin

OP come on! He was a 25 year old man!! You had some fun, you were on your holidays and not that it should matter (but if were honest, it´s nice to know) you´re still attractive enough to "pull" a man 7 years younger than you. I say fair bleedin´play to you....that´s one for the sisters, OP! Honestly, why should it be any different for women? I don´t get that kind of thinking at all at all. You wouldn´t see a man posting up here worrying about the same. When I was travelling a few years ago, I was 28 and I hooked up with 2 guys on two separate occasions...both were 22! Did I give a damn? No! I was delighted with myself! It was just a bit of fun and nothing more.

It´s depressing that we have what we should be like and what we should be doing at "our age" drummed into our heads from the day were born. Nobody cares what you get up to so why should you? I turned 30 last month and I look in the mirror and I´m still the same woman I was a year ago (if not SLIGHTLY better....I quit the smokes 5 months ago). I´ll continue to have as much fun as I did in my twenties with a bit more wisdom on my side.

It´s hard to settle back into the single life after a long term relationship....it´s only been a year...give it time. Try and develop a relaxed "feck it" attitude and "live and let live" approach to life and not let things like this situation upset you or knock your confidence. You´ve done nothing silly or stupid and honestly, I say fair balls to you, girl!

Motley Crue

rightejit wrote: »

I think I am more embarassed than anything. I really really fancied a man/boy 7 years younger than me and need to get that out of my head now.

I wouldn't. Nothing wrong whatsoever with fancying someone younger in these terms. I mean I'm 8 years younger then you, and if I met you on holiday and we clicked and all that, whose to say we couldn't have a good relationship

OK, so he had a girlfriend, maybe he was just being friendly or maybe he was trying to test the water while the fish was in the other pond....stupid one that....but no reason to beat yourself up

trio

And I'm 33 so I take umbridge at your old biddy self-assessment

I'm 35 and I'm shocked. I think I'm pretty young in the great scheme of things. Bloody hell, love - if you're telling yourself that you're an old biddy now you're really getting into self-sabotage in a big way.

I have a cousin who's husband is 6 years younger. She's just a bit older than you. He's got a good head on his shoulders and she's really youthful and fun-loving. Emotionally, they're the exact same age.

By the way, being 32 is not a turn-off for any younger guy. But acting like you're Methusulah IS!

By the way, being 32 is not a turn-off for any younger guy. But acting like you're Methusulah IS![/QUOTE]
i couldnt agree more confidence is attractive moaning on about being old isnt

LegacyUser

I've learnt my lesson and will chalk it down to (more) experience.

Yeah, I guess the feelings werent reciprocated and felt embarassed. Almost felt like I was a crazy, older woman chasing him - just gave me a fright...will leave well alone now and no contact.

trebor28

megan fox got married the other day to one of the actors from the old 90210. there was 12 years in the difference there.

by that reckoning that would make 17 years olds available to me.
though i doubt i could listen to a 17 year old girl but you get the picture.