Am I being stupid?!

LegacyUser

I met a guy last summer and we casually saw each other but never got serious because he was going to work on the other side of the country and I was entering the final year of a pretty tough course. We never really talked about our situation but it was obvious that we both really liked each other but also that we both understood that it wasnt a serious thing.

We met up any time he was back over here and it was always really nice. One time when he'd had a few drinks he told me he really liked me, I made him want to move home, that he wanted to be with me but knew at the moment it wouldnt work but in the future he'd like to. The next day (when he was sobered up!) he told one of the lads who's our mutual friend that he meant what he said, but was a bit embarased that he'd said it.

Anyway, he changed job and moved back home about 2 weeks ago. We've seen each other twice in group situations (and did hook up) but apart from that he's not making an effort to be texting me or getting in touch with me. We both know we'll see each other at group things, like this Saturday there's a party that I'll definitely be at (and he knows this) and he might be at, but I thought maybe he'd want to meet up with me alone. Maybe I just expected too much from this... like I thought the minute he'd come home there'd be fireworks and romance!! A few times I've been on msn and he's been on, and I want to talk to him but I also want to play it cool and see if he talks to me, and I know if I talk to him and he doesn't mention meeting up or seeing each other I'll feel worse! I'm also wondering why he's not talking to me when he's obvisouly just sitting at home on his computer! (like me...)

So Im thinking now I'll just play it cool. Maybe if he tries to get with me next time we see each other I could tell him I don't want to get with again him until he decides to make the effort to talk to me more? Or I could just leave it for a while and not talk to him and if he makes no effort then just text him asking did he actually mean what he said that time or should I move on?

I'm really bad at men situations but I've liked this guy for over a year and don't want to ruin it! For all I know he could be sitting at home completely content knowing that he's gonna see me at the weekend and knowing that we can take things slowly and eventually be together... or else he might have changed his mind about me!
I feel like a teeanger stressing so much about this!
How would you handle this?!

tbh

give it time. He feels like he's made a rash step forward, so he's taking two steps back to try to recover. What about from his point of view tho? "I told this girl I really liked her, I think it freaked her out, when I'm online she never talks to me or anything - do you think she's avoiding me?"

tbh's prediction: you'll both get a little squiffy at the party because you'll both be nervous, then once the nerves are overcome you'll get together, and he'll say something like "did I really say that" and you'll say something like "yah you did, but it was nice when you did" and he'll look at you and you'll look at him.....and it'll be cool.

Taltos

tbh wrote: »

give it time. He feels like he's made a rash step forward, so he's taking two steps back to try to recover. What about from his point of view tho? "I told this girl I really liked her, I think it freaked her out, when I'm online she never talks to me or anything - do you think she's avoiding me?"

tbh's prediction: you'll both get a little squiffy at the party because you'll both be nervous, then once the nerves are overcome you'll get together, and he'll say something like "did I really say that" and you'll say something like "yah you did, but it was nice when you did" and he'll look at you and you'll look at him.....and it'll be cool.

This sounds so romantic. You could also just hold back a small bit from the booze so that your recall is 100% the next day...
Best of luck - I am with tbh on this - chances are he is feeling just as nervous and unsure as you - not wanting to make assumptions. Use the party as a chance to gently probe how he feels about you

LegacyUser

God, I feel your pain. You are not the first girl to be in this situation! I've been seeing a guy for the past few months and am definitely falling for him, but it's wrecking my head not knowing what he's thinking, and wondering if he's feeling the same way or should I try to cool my own feelings. It's hard to know what guys are thinking half of the time. I get myself so worked up with my overactive imagination and am paranoid at the best of times, but I try to remind myself that sometimes it simply comes down to men's brains working differently to ours.

That said, it sounds like one of you need to make a move of some sort (not even physical), but there needs to be some sort of middle ground established so that you know where you stand - either continue to like him, or move on! Bring it up subtly at the party if you can! It doesn't have to be all heavy and like you're giving him an ultimatum. Good luck!

tbh

ifeelyourpain wrote: »

, but I try to remind myself that sometimes it simply comes down to men's brains working differently to ours.

you know, they really don't. Why don't you just ask the guy how he feels?