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Long distance relationships

  • 30-06-2010 9:26am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Would you consider getting involved with someone knowing it would be long distance? I have meet someone but we live in different parts of the country. If it developed into a relationship we could only see each other at weekends. But he has hobbies that take a lot of time at weekends so I don't know how it could possible work. I would possibly have to do most of the traveling. I don't know if I should just go with the flow and see what happens or just end it no before we get too involved.


Comments

  • #2
    Recon
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,204 ✭✭✭Recon


    I was in a long distance relationship (me in Cork, her in Switzerland) for 2 and a half years, which is longer than a lot of relationships that a number of my friends were in! In the end it was the distance that broke us up but that was mainly because (due to our circumstances at the time) neither of us were really in a position to make a permanent move to the other.

    We met over summer holidays and were together for 2 months, both of us knowing that it would be a long distance relationship after that. Generally every 4 to 6 weeks one of us went on a trip to visit the other. Usually for a week or 2, sometimes just for a long weekend.

    The main pieces of advice I could offer if you do go for it is communication and honesty. If one person is always going out late at night with friends, then when chatting with the OH on the phone/skype they just said "they were out" it could raise suspicion. But then at the same time you shouldn't feel like you have to report all your comings and goings either.


  • #3
    bubblybox
    Closed Accounts Posts: 44 ✭bubblybox


    Hi there

    I'm in an LDR Im in Dub he's in London. He is Irish and had to move there for work as there was nothing here. We were not together very long when he moved, a couple of months at most not even at "I love you" stage.

    Anyway he is there a year at the end of August! I'd say go with the flow and see what happens. However one critical thing for me is that I know he will be back. A. He is already looking for jobs here so it is a case of when and not if. B. He is coming back for himself as well as me, family etc (I think people wont be happy in places if they dont want to be there - doesnt matter if your OH, Family want him to be there!) I'd honestly say I don't know how I would cope if the question of who is going to move to who was there!

    Best of luck whatever you choose, as with most good things it is hard but if it's worth it it's the best!


  • #4
    Trashbat
    Closed Accounts Posts: 489 ✭✭Trashbat


    Long Distance can work, but it is never going to be Ideal. Apart from missing your OH, you will also have to deal with issues of jealousy (this is natural, and not a bad thing - unless it becomes all consuming).

    Personally having done the long distance thing with my OH (me Belfast, her Germany, for one year) I can say that I would only advise it if you are already in a committed relationship with that person and i wouldnt advise persuing a new relationship that will be long distance. Thats a lot of difficulty for essentially taking a risk on someone you don't fully know how you feel about yet.

    Of course, that is not to say it can't work. Just an opinion.

    good luck with whatever you decide.


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Trashbat wrote: »
    Long Distance can work, but it is never going to be Ideal. Apart from missing your OH, you will also have to deal with issues of jealousy (this is natural, and not a bad thing - unless it becomes all consuming).

    Personally having done the long distance thing with my OH (me Belfast, her Germany, for one year) I can say that I would only advise it if you are already in a committed relationship with that person and i wouldnt advise persuing a new relationship that will be long distance. Thats a lot of difficulty for essentially taking a risk on someone you don't fully know how you feel about yet.

    Of course, that is not to say it can't work. Just an opinion.

    good luck with whatever you decide.

    We are not in a relationship yet. Have been out a few times, phone occasionally and text a lot. Very much just getting to know each other that is why I am wondering is it worth it. I think it could develop into something if we lived in the same place but distance when you don't know someone well, I just don't know.


  • #6
    Faith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,661 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    I was in an LDR for about 18 months. It's definitely possible to do. It's not ideal, and can be extremely frustrating at times. My ex had a lot of hobbies too and I often got annoyed trying to schedule time to see him. But if you like the person, it's worth a shot.


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  • #7
    Dudess
    Closed Accounts Posts: 37,214 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    In terms of keeping the spark alive, it's brilliant.


  • #8
    Faith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,661 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    Dudess wrote: »
    In terms of keeping the spark alive, it's brilliant.

    This very much depends on the distance, I found. The spark was always amazing when it was Edinburgh - Kerry, but when it became Cork - Kerry and we saw each other every weekend, it just became a routine.

    Best to try and mix things up a little, if possible.


  • #9
    LittleBook
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,716 ✭✭✭LittleBook


    Trashbat wrote: »
    Personally having done the long distance thing with my OH (me Belfast, her Germany, for one year) I can say that I would only advise it if you are already in a committed relationship with that person and i wouldnt advise persuing a new relationship that will be long distance. Thats a lot of difficulty for essentially taking a risk on someone you don't fully know how you feel about yet.

    I'm not saying you're wrong but I'd like to offer another perspective. If you've never lived near/with the person it could actually be a plus as you're not used to having them around on a consistent basis. My OH and I met when we lived in different countries and we had no particular problems with the long-distance, none more than I would expect any couple in a long-distance situation to have.

    Having said that, we were completely committed to each other from the very beginning.


  • #10
    Mohammed Gray Spaciousness
    Posts: 0 ✭ Mohammed Gray Spaciousness


    If you see each other every weekend, it's not even long distance, IMO. That's pretty normal. I had a LDR last year with me in London and him in Asia, took me over 24 hours to get there and over a grand in flights so I only visited twice. Wasn't too bad, as I had plenty of space here to do things and when I did see him it was amazing.


  • #11
    Memnoch
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,276 ✭✭✭Memnoch


    My cousin did the long distance thing. He met this girl 5 years ago at Uni and they got on well. They kept in touch via facebook etc and over time their friendship grew. They started dating WHILE long distance, on a holiday when they met up for a bit. They decided to continue the relationship with one of them in Asia and the other in Australia, only seeing each other during holidays etc. for the last two years.

    They are due to get married next year.

    I think many people would consider this too soon, and not enough living together, but I think they will be happy and I'm looking forward to going over for the wedding next year.

    I think people have just become too cynical these days. IMO you should go for it, and if it's meant to be, it will be.


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  • #12
    AngryBadger
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,251 ✭✭✭AngryBadger


    IMO no the long-distance thing is just a slow-burning recipe for disaster.

    As a healthy relationship develops people get to know the ins-and-outs of their partners as they see them at their best and worst. Mostly this is because it's very hard to hide the bad parts of your life/persona from someone that you see everyday/every-other-day/live-with.

    I don't see how it's possible to achieve this when you're doing the distance thing. Maybe it can work for a couple who have been together a while, (i.e. a few years), and are going to be apart for a few months or so. But for a relatively new couple I think the LD set-up is, as I've said, a slow-burning disaster.

    Just my opinion mind.


  • #13
    G86
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,660 ✭✭✭G86


    If you can see each other at the weekends then the distance really isn't a major issue, I say go for it! :)


  • #14
    Bookkeeper09
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 266 ✭✭Bookkeeper09


    distance wrote: »
    We are not in a relationship yet. Have been out a few times, phone occasionally and text a lot. Very much just getting to know each other that is why I am wondering is it worth it. I think it could develop into something if we lived in the same place but distance when you don't know someone well, I just don't know.

    I met my fiance when he was living in Leitrim and me in dublin.
    For first year we only saw each other at weekends. He then moved down to Dublin and we're now engaged and getting married next year so it can work!


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