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hen party organiser (me) fired without even being told

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  • 29-06-2010 3:26pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi, my friend is getting married soon and as I am a bridesmaid she asked me to arrange the hen. Things at work have been hectic lately and we're down three bodies because of illness and maternity, so the workload has increased considerably. I've also been completing a course outside of work so i can try get a better job.

    I agreed to arrange the party after this week as soon as the temps were trained up. I already rang the restaurant, arranged a beautician for the bride to be for the night, and told the club we're going to so I could come in and decorate the VIP area. All I had to do was give everyone times and arrange a theme. Just today I got an email from one of the girls that isn't even invited to the wedding, to say that she's finally arranged it all, and that it's in this place at this time...

    I'm incredibly hurt, not even so much as a phone call from my friend to say this was going to be happening, or to even let me know i was stripped of the duty. Am I overreacting?


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    #2
    ziedth
    Moderators, Entertainment Moderators, Regional South East Moderators Posts: 9,081 Mod ✭✭✭✭ziedth


    How were you asked? When were you asked?

    If you were out and she was drunk or whatever it might be a misunderstanding.

    Best say it to your friend, be calm and don't lash out. I'd be very surprised if it's as black and White as your saying.


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    #3
    messymess
    Registered Users Posts: 359 ✭✭messymess


    I don't think you're over reacting at all. How long ago is it since you got the mail?

    Forward it on to the bride to be and let her know you've already made a number of bookings already and are a bit confused by the mail the other girl sent on. Ask her would you like you to cancel these bookings now. Wait for the response and then give her call about it.

    She may not have felt things were moving quick enough for her, so it's likely she said this to the other friend (possibly in passing) and the friend decided to hop in and 'safe the day'. It's possible she may have been a little embarrassed to push you on it, or just didn't want to bother you about it.

    There's too many unknowns here but you should bring it up with her.


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    #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    She rang me a few weeks ago and asked me to arrange it for her because I'm a bridesmaid, and I said to leave it with me, she asked me just over a week ago how it was going and I said i still haven't told anyone but that I was getting everything sorted out but that it would take a couple of weeks because of work . I didn't want to give her any details because it was all meant to be a mystery to her , the beautician and the vip area for example.


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    #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    hi messymess, i got the email just today. I haven't replied or said anything to anyone else.


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    #6
    kjl
    Registered Users Posts: 3,127 ✭✭✭kjl


    Just have two hens. My sister had three.


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    #7
    Taltos
    Registered Users Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    Who knows - this other friend could be stirring the sh1t or maybe is arranging a wider gathering for those that are not as close as the rest of you...

    Just stay calm- at the end of the day - while you might be hurt by all this - just imagine yourself in the other girls (bride to be) shoes - probably stressed out about everything and could have capitulated without even thinking. Why not just be gracious - show you are bigger and just when confirmed say oh that was a shame I had x - y - z all sorted but went ahead and cancelled it since so-and-so doublebooked us...


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    #8
    Redpunto
    Registered Users Posts: 2,024 ✭✭✭Redpunto


    When is the hens? If its not too far away Id say she might have been a bit upset if you hadn't got around to inviting anybody yet. Just ring her and see what the story is. Why was the other girl not going to the hens? Is she another circle of friends to the bride? Maybe she was organising one for her too and you were on her guest?


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    #9
    trio
    Closed Accounts Posts: 494 ✭✭trio


    OK, first of all stop freaking out. You haven't been "fired". You've obviously been up to your eyes and someone else has copped that and stepped in.

    Or have offered to step in, has assumed that you've been told, and has worked away.

    Perhaps there was a failure in communication with the bride. But it's not clear from your post whether you had the bride in the loop about what you had organised, if anything.


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    #10
    shoes34
    Registered Users Posts: 620 ✭✭✭shoes34


    ladyfired wrote: »
    Just today I got an email from one of the girls that isn't even invited to the wedding, to say that she's finally arranged it all, and that it's in this place at this time...


    If this girl wasn't even invited to the wedding why is she organising a hen party? Has the bride changed her mind and invited her - maybe just go ahead and tell her that you had everything organised and was just about to send out the invites to the hen party.


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    #11
    Emme
    Registered Users Posts: 4,055 ✭✭✭Emme


    kjl wrote: »
    Just have two hens. My sister had three.

    Contact the bride-to-be with details of the arrangements you've made. Don't say anything about the other email you received. Ask the bride-to-be if she's happy with arrangements and if she says yes then ask her if she's sure because you got the email from the other girl and you don't want the arrangements to clash.

    If she says no and tells you you're fired (unlikely) just say that she should have let you know.


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    #12
    sexdwarf
    Closed Accounts Posts: 178 ✭✭sexdwarf


    Why don't you just email the other girl back and say that the hen night arrangements are already well in hand as the bride had asked you to do it.

    Seems very odd that this girl, who isn't even coming to the wedding, just organised a hen night over the heads of the bridesmaids. Not really the done thing I would have thought.


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    #13
    Micahelxcx
    Closed Accounts Posts: 113 ✭✭Micahelxcx


    This is a tricky situation. The bride did ask you how plans were for her hens and you said you hadn't really got around to doing anything because of your heavy workload.
    If that were me I would have said well I will ask somebody else less busy.

    I think you are over reacting and your pride is hurt. At the end of the day this is the bride's hen party and you want what's best for her on the night.

    Although you were making arrangements you said you didn't tell anyone else so maybe the girl who arranged the alternative hen night thought you were going to leave it to the last minute. She stepped in and organised everything. That's fantastic.

    Don't take it too personally. It's just a hen night after all. Who really cares who make the arrangements.:D


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    #14
    Chinafoot
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,894 ✭✭✭Chinafoot


    ladyfired wrote: »
    She rang me a few weeks ago and asked me to arrange it for her because I'm a bridesmaid, and I said to leave it with me, she asked me just over a week ago how it was going and I said i still haven't told anyone but that I was getting everything sorted out but that it would take a couple of weeks because of work . I didn't want to give her any details because it was all meant to be a mystery to her , the beautician and the vip area for example.

    Ok, so she asked you a few weeks ago, you said yes, she checked in with you a week ago and you told her things were in hand but nobody knew about it yet because you're so busy in work and it was going to take another few weeks.

    If I were the bride OP, I'd probably have told you to not to worry about it and I would have asked somebody else to organise it. These things really don't take that much effort to organise, it's a couple of phone calls, so to the bride it probably looks like you're not arsed and you're using work as an excuse. I appreciate that you wanted it to be a surprise but you could have at least let her know that you had things booked, you didn't have to say what, instead of telling her you were getting to it and would have it done in a few weeks because you're so busy.

    If she did ask somebody else to take over she was out of order in not letting you know. However, I would agree with a previous poster that there is a good chance the bride was venting her worries over the night and your lack of progress and the friend decided to step in to save the day.

    Reply to the girl who sent you the mail and tell her what you have organised. See what she says. If she tells you that the bride asked her to orgainse it, ask your friend whats going on. But be aware that you have appeared to be dragging your heels about the whole thing.


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    #15
    NextSteps
    Registered Users Posts: 984 ✭✭✭NextSteps


    If you haven't at the very least set a date and sent around an email asking everyone to keep the night free, you can see how people might get frustrated.


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    #16
    rainbowtrout
    Registered Users Posts: 15,382 ✭✭✭✭rainbowtrout


    I'd agree with Chinafoot and the situation could well have arisen because the bride was getting calls from people supposed to be going on the hen asking what the story was with it. People like to know about these things in advance, if it will require being away from home, how much it's going to cost them, will they need to get childcare etc etc, which week they shouldn't go mad with the pay cheque because they need it for the hen. Any of the hens I've been on in the last couple of years I've known about at least 2 months in advance. While I mightn't know the finer details, I'll know the date it's on, if it entails a weekend away, a meal in a restaurant and I can budget accordingly.

    While it was bad form of the bride not to let you know if alternate arrangements had been made, I'd be pretty pissed off if I rang you last week and you had still done nothing. It only takes 5 mins to send around a group email/text of the variety 'Mary's hen is on Saturday 15th July, meal in X restaurant and drinks after. RSVP if going'.. if it is as you think it is, she probably thought she wasn't going to have a hen.


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