internet date-am i mad?

chappy

Ok so signed upto a dating site about a month ago for the craic as having been working crazy hours and really just wanted to buzz off some new people.

Anyway got the usual wierdos chatting to me,but then got talking to who seems to be a really genuine guy.Was looking for any funny business or anything...

So we were chatting online and have been texting each other pretty regularly for like the past month.Nothing too crazy but some flirty messages havegone back and forth.

Have never done the whole blind date thing before but decided to meet him last week for a few drinks.Did all the safe things of meeting in a busy place,having a mate text me etc. Got on pretty well and had a bit of a snog but nothing more then that.So we have been texting and that since our date and the conversations have gotten a little more heated. I do quite like the guy but am I mad to think that this could be more then a lusty grope?

Any input greatly appreciated!!!

rainbow kirby

If things are going well, just go with the flow and enjoy it. If it works out - fantastic. If not - c'est la vie.

gavney1

hey OP

I'm a guy and have been using POF for a couple months now.

I'm not a weirdo, and I'm looking for more than just so called "funny business".

Have met one girl from it so far, but it turned out we weren't really a good match

Can i ask you why you are a little wary of meeting someone on one of these sites? Is it just cause of the stigma attached to meet someone online?

Cause I've been chatting with a couple of other girls who I like and can see a future with. They seem interested in me too, but then when I ask them out , they seem reluctant, and we've arranged to meet and then...........cancelled.

Like, I wouldn't be texting a girl if I didn't like her. Are these girls that I've been chatting to just not interested and leading me on? Or are they just wary of meeting someone online? If so, why go on the site in the first place!!!!

Anyway, hope I'm not going OT - but I just wanted to give you a guys perspective

LegacyUser

gavney1 wrote: »

hey OP

I'm a guy and have been using POF for a couple months now.

I'm not a weirdo, and I'm looking for more than just so called "funny business".


Cause I've been chatting with a couple of other girls who I like and can see a future with. They seem interested in me too, but then when I ask them out , they seem reluctant, and we've arranged to meet and then...........cancelled.

a little off topic but just part of the above jumped out at me. I'm a bloke and have from time to time gone on dates off dating sites and any girl I've met has described guys who although not a "weirdo" have come on way too strong.

If you haven't even met someone yet how could you possibly see a future with them? If I was chatting to a girl online and I got that impression off her before we ever met I'd make whatever excuse and cancel too. Not having a go at you, just something you might want to consider? Another consideration is POF is a bit notorious for time wasters!

Back on topic, OP as Rainbow as said go with it and see where it leads. No different at this stage to meeting someone you liked in a bar/club/social group, you've met, you like each other and you're still in touch. Treat it as such, apply your normal common sense standards and enjoy

chappy

My main concern is probably safety.I would never put myself in a position I was not sure of before.

I think as well I have talked to a couple of guys who have only been interested in meeting up for sex and I'm not into the whole one night thing.

I was pretty ok when we met in a public place but wonder if I'm being silly considering going to his house...?

In relation to your question about being considered "wierd" guys that come on real strong worry me a lil.The reason I was more confident meeting this guy was because he didnt seem sure that he wanted to meet up either.Maybe it was more to do with liking the chase for me though...lol

Thanks for the advice though guys.

Birdsong

OP to be honest I think you are over thinking everthing.

Now that you have met in person, thats all that matters - its nothing to do with whether you connected on line or not, you meet in person in reality.

Go for another drink with him, go for dinner, go to the cinema - get to know him in person for the person he is. You don't have to go to his house the next time you meet him.

As some one who has done internet dating, I think you are way better to meet up ASAP - I message a week max.

Firetrap

I don't necessarily think your meeting him on the internet is an issue here. If you meet this bloke in a pub or something, you could equally be wondering what his motives might or might not be. All you can do is play it by ear and go with your gut instinct. And yeah, try not to over-analyse things.

Miss Fluff

gavney1 wrote: »

Cause I've been chatting with a couple of other girls who I like and can see a future with.

Hate to say it. But I'm on POF to and if a guy I'd never even met thought he could see a future with me, I'd hardly be able to hear what with the alarm bells going full blast in my ears!!:eek:

Emme

Miss Fluff wrote: »

Hate to say it. But I'm on POF to and if a guy I'd never even met thought he could see a future with me, I'd hardly be able to hear what with the alarm bells going full blast in my ears!!:eek:

Maybe he meant "future" as in the sense of going on a date? Surely that's ok.

Micahelxcx

I don't see anything wrong with online dating, 'cos it is impossible to meet someone any other way these days. Let's face it. You go to a pub on a Friday or Saturday night and many guys and girls are out of their face.
Not ideal.

Unless you are a member of sports clubs or drama societies you have little chance of meeting someone.

So internet dating is an option. Of course you take precautions. You don't accept his or her offer to go back to their place no matter how well you got on earlier. Be sensible. There is no stigma attached to it.

I read recently of a girl who was out for a casual walk one weekend and she met a guy who was also walking. They chatted, swopped numbers and a couple of years on are now happily married!!!

shhhhh

Hmm I've also done the online thing and no I dont think you are mad, just trust your gut instinct.

I have used most of the dating sites and have always found POF to be a waste of time to be honest, I think if someone is paying to use a service they are more serious about meeting someone but hey thats just my opinions.

LegacyUser

I used paid dating web sites and free ones. I met a very decent guy on POF. But well, it's still early day, so let me come back to you later.

I think it's no problem to use web sites. It's just a way to meet people. I don't go to pubs/ clubs. I like surfing on internet. Seem dating web sites suit me.

It's just a way to meet people. But as someone suggested before, dont wait too long to meet. And... dont trust the photos! ;-P

go with your gut if the texts are gettin of a sexual nature this early on though hmm

jurgenscarl

funny business or anything...

Nothing too crazy but some flirty messages havegone back and forth.

but decided to meet him last week for a few drinks.

Did all the safe things

conversations have gotten a little more heated.

am I mad to think that this could be more then a lusty grope?

You seem really hung up on the whole thing.

You seem to terrified that everything is going wrong before anything has even happened.

Stop being so anxious and stop over analysing.

Go with the flow and have fun.

gavney1

Miss Fluff wrote: »

Hate to say it. But I'm on POF to and if a guy I'd never even met thought he could see a future with me, I'd hardly be able to hear what with the alarm bells going full blast in my ears!!:eek:

ok, I'm giving the wrong picture with my choice of words there. When I say "see a future with", I mean "I think there's potential" i.e. I fancy them from their pics, and we both seem to get along very well, so I'd like to give it a go. I'm by no means delusional - I know that we may well get along online, but in real life there may be no chemistry

I'm just a bit confused when I'm talking to a girl for a couple weeks on POF, and she seems as interested in me as vice versa. And then I ask her out and.......................

LegacyUser

as a previous poster said...dont trust the pictures! ;-)

I have been on few sites as well, and found that it's pretty much window shopping, unfortunately, you start off already by liking someone by their looks, lets face it and be honest its true, now, of course from a pub/ club or groups setting you would get to speak and get the chemistry, if it is there before then you would go from there...sadly with the websites you jump off that step so the more you will chit chat with someone the more you will feel you are a good match to then meet and ....its not there!

I have been on a date last thursday and sadly the pretty handsome guy from the pics ended up with an added 30 kilos !!! thing is, he blew ME off after 1 drink!

I dont blame him, I wasnt what he thouht although i sent him pics from me from 2 weeks ago i hadnt change but clearly he had and for both of us chemistry ended up just not there when we actually ad chatted for 1 week everyday and got along great!

oh well, plenty of fish in the see! ;-D

good luck to you!

Miss Fluff

gavney1 wrote: »

ok, I'm giving the wrong picture with my choice of words there. When I say "see a future with", I mean "I think there's potential" i.e. I fancy them from their pics, and we both seem to get along very well, so I'd like to give it a go. I'm by no means delusional - I know that we may well get along online, but in real life there may be no chemistry

I'm just a bit confused when I'm talking to a girl for a couple weeks on POF, and she seems as interested in me as vice versa. And then I ask her out and.......................

Fair enough. I completely took that up the wrong way, thought you may have been coming across as way too intense too soon! My bad.

I think online dating sites are a minefield to be honest. There are some people on there for the craic who have no intention of actually going on a date. There are some almost professional daters such is their quest to meet someone urgently (I know a friend of a friend who goes on about four dates a week). There are people on there who are recently out of a relationship and are literally dipping their toe in the "virtual" waters but may not have the courage to actually meet anyone just yet. Then there are the people who are attached (not sure about girls but a good % of the men on these websites are already in relationships). Then we have the attention wh0res who are doing it for kicks and to confirm to themselves that they still have it. And then there are people who are just really busy and while having the best of intentions, they can't commit to a date. I've met three guys online who I ended up going out with for a while but have had lots of dates. A couple of nutjobs but for the most part ok. In my experience it helps to email for a few weeks. And really email, not a "hi how are u" but lots of questions and striking up a bit of banter and getting to know someone and having your curiousity aroused - that's what makes me accept a date invitation and while oftentimes there may just not have been any chemistry, the dates have always been good fun etc.

I guess what I'm saying is, you just have to persevere while also being discerning about who you ask out in the first place:)

gavney1

Miss Fluff wrote: »

Fair enough. I completely took that up the wrong way, thought you may have been coming across as way too intense too soon! My bad.

no, really it was MY bad, I used the wrong wording completely. Your interpretation was completely logical!

gavney1

Miss Fluff wrote: »

a good % of the men on these websites are already in relationships

I've seen a couple of other girls say that on the RI forum. Are you just guessing that - or have guys actually admitted it in conversation?

Anyway, the strangest thing I've found is that on THREE occassions now, I've arranged to meet up with girls who I've talked to for at least a week and built up some good banter. Then, just before the date bamm - they text me to cancel. I can say that this has never ONCE happened to me when I meet a girl in a bar or elsewhere.

so, that's why I'm wondering is there a reluctance from girls to meet a guy from the internet cause of the stigma or safety factor?

Miss Fluff

gavney1 wrote: »

so, that's why I'm wondering is there a reluctance from girls to meet a guy from the internet cause of the stigma or safety factor?

Well to my mind they shouldn't be on the site in the first place if they are not willing to actually meet up. That's just dishonest. I think a good indication is if you know someone has already been on dates on the site then you know they are actively dating and are using the site in earnest. Perfectly ok during the course of a conversation to ask them have they any dates/funny stories since being on the site etc.....

LegacyUser

gavney1 wrote: »

I've seen a couple of other girls say that on the RI forum. Are you just guessing that - or have guys actually admitted it in conversation?

Anyway, the strangest thing I've found is that on THREE occassions now, I've arranged to meet up with girls who I've talked to for at least a week and built up some good banter. Then, just before the date bamm - they text me to cancel. I can say that this has never ONCE happened to me when I meet a girl in a bar or elsewhere.

so, that's why I'm wondering is there a reluctance from girls to meet a guy from the internet cause of the stigma or safety factor?

picked you up wrong as well in your wording on an earlier post so sorry about that. Still think what I said about POF is valid though. One of the reasons I stopped using that site was the amount of timewasters, attention seekers, and girls that would cancel at the last minute. Final straw was one girl who cancelled twice in a row. I'm fairly easy going and not given to pre judging, plus we'd been talking for a few weeks so when she asked to reschedule for a third time and we hadn't actually met yet I decided to hold off on any judgement and give it one last go. The day of the date (which she'd requested should be on a Friday) when I asked if we should exchange numbers I got a very late in the day reply cancelling again. There goes my Friday night thanks very much.

This time she was finally a little honest saying that herself and her ex had got back together a few weeks before and she wanted to give it a chance? Deleted my profile after that one.

Trick is though not to take it personally. Lot of timewasters, serial daters, people on a total rebound or those who just can't seem to make up their mind on what the hell they're looking for. Despite all of that, there are actually normal easy going non baggage hoarding girls out there as well as guys who are really single and actually genuine. Just have to get through all the bullsh*t and actually meeting one of them.....any day now

gavney1

guest1234 wrote: »

picked you up wrong as well in your wording on an earlier post so sorry about that. Still think what I said about POF is valid though. One of the reasons I stopped using that site was the amount of timewasters, attention seekers, and girls that would cancel at the last minute. Final straw was one girl who cancelled twice in a row. I'm fairly easy going and not given to pre judging, plus we'd been talking for a few weeks so when she asked to reschedule for a third time and we hadn't actually met yet I decided to hold off on any judgement and give it one last go. The day of the date (which she'd requested should be on a Friday) when I asked if we should exchange numbers I got a very late in the day reply cancelling again. There goes my Friday night thanks very much.

This time she was finally a little honest saying that herself and her ex had got back together a few weeks before and she wanted to give it a chance? Deleted my profile after that one.

Trick is though not to take it personally. Lot of timewasters, serial daters, people on a total rebound or those who just can't seem to make up their mind on what the hell they're looking for. Despite all of that, there are actually normal easy going non baggage hoarding girls out there as well as guys who are really single and actually genuine. Just have to get through all the bullsh*t and actually meeting one of them.....any day now

Jesus! that sounds like a pain in the neck mate. I feel like I shouldn't be complaining now. 3 cancellations is a bit much!

BraziliaNZ

I think it's a minefield too, I would stick to more conventional methods if I were you. Just live your life and someone will show up eventually.

chappy

jurgenscarl you are probably right about me over thinking things...

I actually quite liked the guy when we met up and have had a good laugh texting and emailing.I think it is more the safety side of things that I am worried about...he has invited me to his next week for a meal and just don't know if it's too soon to put myself in a secluded situation like that...?

Asphyxia

There are also loads of freaks and weirdos in pubs and clubs. My sister met her fella from a dating site, 4 years later they are living together and engaged happy than ever! If things are going well you should go for it and be happy.

KyussBishop

chappy wrote: »

jurgenscarl you are probably right about me over thinking things...

I actually quite liked the guy when we met up and have had a good laugh texting and emailing.I think it is more the safety side of things that I am worried about...he has invited me to his next week for a meal and just don't know if it's too soon to put myself in a secluded situation like that...?

If you're unsure/uncomfortable with the idea, just meet him out at a restaurant for dinner instead or something, the next couple of times you meet, until you're comfortable enough to go back to his.

If you've met up a good number of times in person, and you know you're comfortable with him, it's probably not too soon to go to his. It's all down to how well you can judge his character though, and since you've been talking more than a month now, you may have a decent idea.