Ways of meeting people

KyussBishop

I split up with my gf/ex some months ago (who I met on a forum online), and we are still friends, but we don't always get along as friends and I don't have any others;
I really need to meet more people (friends or dating), and to just generally get myself doing something.

This isn't so easy for me though, as (until last year) I've had big problems with feeling comfortable around people, and so don't have a previous social group to fall back on.
I've made a ton of progress with overcoming that discomfort, and I think I'm all but over it, but I'm at a loss as to how I can go and meet more people.

I've read the standard suggestions of joining a club/night-classes etc., and there are some things I'd like to do in that regard, but I don't think I'm very good at getting to know people in organized groups like that (specifically classes; group social meetups may be fine).
I think I'm far better in getting to know people one on one, or at least in an environment where the focus is on socializing. I've been trying a dating site as well, but it's quite hard to even get a reply to messages, so I'm getting fed up with that.


So, what kind of feedback/suggestions have people got here? Would also be interesting to hear other peoples experiences relating to this.

Wibbs

The Ladies Lounge not the place. You'll get better answers here I reckon.

LegacyUser

This is definitely a good place start; Tell us a bit about yourself??

KyussBishop

Ya okey, thanks. Tbh I was avoiding the personal issues forum, as when I remember reading it last year, some of the replies could be extremely counterproductive/assumptive (offensive even); will see though.

panzerachtung

I once had the same problem. I went to a counsellor and we talked about all my hang ups, problems and heavy stuff I was holding back since childhood. It really helps.

She recommended two books that are real gems.
"People Skills" by Robert Bolton
"How To Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie.

You should check them out.

Another book worth a look is "The 48 Laws Of Power" by Robert Greene.

KyussBishop

Ya the thing is, I can chat to people fine once I've spent a little bit of time getting to know them; self help books and counselling wouldn't help me.
It's finding a good and comfortable way to actually >meet< and get talking to people to begin with, that I'm having trouble with.

KyussBishop

Any other replies on this? Could really use some suggestions/feedback.

Choc Affair

you really need to join a club of some sort. not a quick 6 week painting class but something that is longer like a sports club or book club that will help you build on relationships over a year! who cares if you can't play the sport, most people are there for a social aspect!! the way your going to make friends/relationships is showing interest in their interests regardless of whether they are yours or not! depending on your location im going to join a badminton club if your interested? also there are hiking/walking clubs all over the place which are handy to join with all ages joining and you should have no fear of failing there!:rolleyes:

LegacyUser

Hi OP, clubs like meetup are full of women who are looking to meet men. Women are the majority in fact, and men do have the pick of the crop. I was in one of them, and we were all competing for the few men there. I met my OH this way, he went out with many of the other girls before finally asking me out. Could work for you, too!

KyussBishop

hannahbandana wrote: »

you really need to join a club of some sort. not a quick 6 week painting class but something that is longer like a sports club or book club that will help you build on relationships over a year! who cares if you can't play the sport, most people are there for a social aspect!! the way your going to make friends/relationships is showing interest in their interests regardless of whether they are yours or not! depending on your location im going to join a badminton club if your interested? also there are hiking/walking clubs all over the place which are handy to join with all ages joining and you should have no fear of failing there!:rolleyes:

Heh, interesting; was considering doing badminton with someone else I was chatting to online.
May be interested, I'm in around Coolock in north Dublin; not sure if there's any places to play badminton around here.

I've got a couple other plans for other clubs I may try out (including hiking stuff), but still figuring out what would be practical, and would also be nice to have someone to partner up with for some things too

formersingle wrote:

Hi OP, clubs like meetup are full of women who are looking to meet men. Women are the majority in fact, and men do have the pick of the crop. I was in one of them, and we were all competing for the few men there. I met my OH this way, he went out with many of the other girls before finally asking me out. Could work for you, too!

Not sure about meetup.com; I've looked at it before and some of the groups do interest me, just heard mixed things about it.

The only real secret to meeting friends and getting girls I have found can be summed up in three words. “Do not try”.

As long as you are focused on this you are not being yourself and it just will not work.

Instead go on a “finding yourself” mission. Find what you are into and delve into it. If you are, for example, into music and nature then get into them in a big way.

For music for example: Go to gigs, participate in the meet up boards for those gigs, most bands with a following will have “pre gig drinks” where you all bond over initial questions like “When did you first see/hear/discover X”. Get a car and drive people to the gigs that cant make it themselves. Become a supportive part of that community.

This is how I met the girls I am going out with now. One I met when I took her to a gig in my car. The other I met during a “CD Exchange” tree where people on the tree received Live recordings of a certain band from a “root”, and then distributed those CDs to the “leafs” and so on. I got talking to her while engaged in that.

Or nature: Join walking clubs. Try them all out once, they all have different themes and types of peoples. But walking is not the only thing in nature out there, there are herb and flower growing, fishing, wild life spotting, you name it.

Politics even: Get involved in the parties you support. Charity: Get involved in volunteer work. Languages: Learn a new one and participate in those groups of other learners who meet up for drinks and spend an hour or more speaking nothing but that new language, before switching back and just socialising in english.

Whatever, that is just a group of examples. The basic message is find what you like to do and start doing it for yourself and no one else. The people part comes by itself automatically as soon as you start getting involved.

KyussBishop

Ya lots of good ideas there; a lot of what I want is to just meet people generally as friends, not just look for a gf.

Going to gigs was actually another thing I wanted to try out, and I didn't know there were meetups for gigs, so I'll take a look at that (still prefer the idea of having someone to go with mind).

KyussBishop

KyussBishop wrote: »

Going to gigs was actually another thing I wanted to try out, and I didn't know there were meetups for gigs

Of course it depends on the gig, but any band or singer above a certain size will more often than not have a "forum" on their website where fans communicate. This is a great way to meet people and when the band tours there is often "pre gig drinks" arranged and the like where you have the beers and go to the gigs together.