A healthy way forward

LegacyUser

I got involved with a friend as he was coming out of a long term relationship nearly a year ago. At first I accepted that he wasnt ready to be in a full, publically acknowledged relationship. As the months went on his reluctance to commit upset me more and he knew this but for whatever reason he didnt feel ready for a real commitment. We tried to keep it as friends but it kept drifting back into old patterns and it caused a few rows.

Recently we decided to leave each other alone for a while. Im in the final stages of an important project at work and cant afford to be getting drawn into further drama. He removed me as a friend on facebook but has texted me once or twice to say hello.
I dont want to contact him as it feels like going around in circles at this stage. Hes not a bad person and I believe he does have strong feelings for me. Maybe Im being a fool but Id like to think it could work out eventually but I know the unhealthy cycle we are in has to be broken first. And yes, I know it wasnt the wisest thing to get involved with someone straight after a big break up, but the heart wants what the heart wants.

Id like to hear some outside opinions/advice on this?

Micahelxcx

Well I would focus on your work project. When that is completed I would call him, if he hasn't called you in the meantime, and suggest meeting up for a drink.
I'd tell him how I feel, that I like him so much that being just friends is out of the question.
Life is too short to be pussy footing around and making allowances for his situation and his feelings. What about your feelings? What do you want?
You like this guy lots, that's obvious and my advice is to let him know.
The situation can't get any worse than it currently is. And remember that noting ventured is nothing gained.
Put yourself first and see how things go.

dublingal80

cyclist wrote: »

I got involved with a friend as he was coming out of a long term relationship nearly a year ago. At first I accepted that he wasnt ready to be in a full, publically acknowledged relationship. As the months went on his reluctance to commit upset me more and he knew this but for whatever reason he didnt feel ready for a real commitment. We tried to keep it as friends but it kept drifting back into old patterns and it caused a few rows.

Recently we decided to leave each other alone for a while. Im in the final stages of an important project at work and cant afford to be getting drawn into further drama. He removed me as a friend on facebook but has texted me once or twice to say hello.
I dont want to contact him as it feels like going around in circles at this stage. Hes not a bad person and I believe he does have strong feelings for me. Maybe Im being a fool but Id like to think it could work out eventually but I know the unhealthy cycle we are in has to be broken first. And yes, I know it wasnt the wisest thing to get involved with someone straight after a big break up, but the heart wants what the heart wants.

Id like to hear some outside opinions/advice on this?

sorry - im a bit confused as to what advice you are looking for because you seem to know what you want.

YUou are completely right to stay away from him if he doesnt know what he wants at the moment, relationship wise and you definitely dont want to be going around in circles either because thats not good for you either.

Give him the space he is looking for and you do what you have to do for yourself too and if he does want to be in a relationship with you he will let you know

LegacyUser

Hi again, thanks for the replies.
I suppose I was looking for outside opinions on the situation since Im probably too close to see what might be glaringly obvious to others. Obviously no one can see the future but what Id really like to know is if anyone thinks it has a chance of working out eventually, and if so is maintaining complete distance for a period of time the best way to ensure that?

LegacyUser

cyclist wrote: »

Hi again, thanks for the replies.
I suppose I was looking for outside opinions on the situation since Im probably too close to see what might be glaringly obvious to others. Obviously no one can see the future but what Id really like to know is if anyone thinks it has a chance of working out eventually, and if so is maintaining complete distance for a period of time the best way to ensure that?

OP as long as he knows that's what you're doing think keeping your distance until he knows where his head is is definitely the best option. Did the two of you agree on giving each other a bit of space? As long as he knows that the ball is in his court you've done all you can.

If that's the case and he knows how you feel there's nothing more you can do really. Just get on with your project, enjoy the summer and if it happens it happens. You can't force it to go the way you want, and any attempt to do that generally results in the complete opposite.

Elle Collins

cyclist wrote: »

I suppose I was looking for outside opinions on the situation since Im probably too close to see what might be glaringly obvious to others.

Sorry but the only thing that's glaringly obvious to me is that the whole time he was with you he hadn't got over his ex. That's what comes of rebound relationships, they strip a person of the necessary time to move on and heal. I think you jumped into things too fast and most likely ruined your chances. Sorry, but the way I read it is that it'd be better for you to move on.

LegacyUser

Elle Collins wrote: »

I think you jumped into things too fast and most likely ruined your chances. Sorry, but the way I read it is that it'd be better for you to move on.

Your probably right unfortunatly. Thanks for telling it straight.