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Seeing a married man
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28-06-2010 10:01am#1
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Hi every1,
This is my first post on this board. I am posting this as I would like to get the opinion of various different people including married men.
Approx 9 months ago I met a guy. We talked for a few weeks then stopped talking. A few months later we got texting again and met up. We got on really well and continued texting and meeting up. I was finally starting to trust him along with falling for him, until his wife called me!! I knew nothing about this wife and I was gutted because we got on so well. We stopped talking again until a couple of days ago when we started texting again. He said we can be friends. I would like to be friends with him as we get on so well and I feel as if I can talk to him about anything. He has told me that he is going to a councilor and trying to work things out with his wife but still thinks we can be really good friends.
I want to be friends with him and I do miss talking to him but is it really worth it in the long run? I think that I will always want more from him and I can not expect that from him.
I was just wondering what other people think on this subject?
I'm sorry to tell you that my advice is to run. Run away from this situation. He wasn't up front with you from the start, he's married and his wife doesn't need this extra worry.
Honestly, you'll find other people to talk to. I've put the part of your post that jumped out at me in bold.
No it's not worth it in the long run.
He's married and working on his marriage, leave them to it.
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Daisy Steiner wrote: »I'm sorry to tell you that my advice is to run. Run away from this situation. He wasn't up front with you from the start, he's married and his wife doesn't need this extra worry.
Honestly, you'll find other people to talk to. I've put the part of your post that jumped out at me in bold.
No it's not worth it in the long run.
He's married and working on his marraige, leave them to it.
If he really wanted things to work with his wife he wouldn't be talking to me. Do you not think we could be just normal friends?0 -
Daisy Steiner wrote: »I'm sorry to tell you that my advice is to run. Run away from this situation. He wasn't up front with you from the start, he's married and his wife doesn't need this extra worry.
Honestly, you'll find other people to talk to. I've put the part of your post that jumped out at me in bold.
No it's not worth it in the long run.
He's married and working on his marraige, leave them to it.
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If he really wanted things to work with his wife he wouldn't be talking to me. Do you not think we could be just normal friends?
So in your first sentence you acknowledge that any friendship with you is detrimental to his marriage. And in your second you ask if you really can't just be normal friends?
You clearly already know the answer, of course you can't just be normal friends. But I suspect you don't just want to be normal friends deep down. I think you want to be with him and a part of you is secretly hoping that this contact with you shows that he wants you more than his wife. You want to feel special to him.
And if that's how you feel that isn't your fault. You developed feelings for him when you thought he was a single man. Those feelings, the fantasy of what might come from them, won't just disappear because you know the truth about his marriage. You'll have them for a while and in time they'll fade, as long as you cut him out of your life. Tbh, you'd be well rid, he sounds like a douche, leading you on, damaging his marriage, hurting his wife, hurting you, then committing to work on his marriage while at the same time contacting you, which you know hurts his marriage all over again.0 -
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Thank you for your advice every1. I text him yesterday basically saying, if the councilling doesn't work out with ur wife text me then and maybe we can be friends until then I rather you didn't contact me. He repied with an "ok".
I just wanted to be friends with him because we got on so well
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Thank you for your advice every1. I text him yesterday basically saying, if the councilling doesn't work out with ur wife text me then and maybe we can be friends until then I rather you didn't contact me. He repied with an "ok".
I just wanted to be friends with him because we got on so well
i can guarantee you that he will be in touch again via text trying to be friends.
I just couldnt imagine starting a relationship, even a friendship, that started out with such a big lie.0 -
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Elmer Blooker wrote: »I've heard of divorce all right. The man loses everything and ends up in a flat penniless even though his wife was probably the one who rejected him!
Oh, and the legal profession get even more obscenely rich!
If I was a man I rather be penniless in a flat and happy then be unhappy with money and a wife I do not have a good relationship with 0 -
Elmer Blooker wrote: »How do you know it's "a bit on the side"? This married man may not have had sex with his wife in years. Anyway I've always thought that this "bit on the side" accusation is just another stick to beat men with!
He has a good sex life at home with his wife. He cheated cause he could get away with it but it caught up with him in the end
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RealistSpy wrote: »:O the man can cheat and get away with it don't blame him. The true test of a person is to see what they will do if they can get away with it.
To the OP is the man the in contact with you?
In my opinion rather he can get away with or not is not the issue. He should have enough respect for his wife not to communicate with me even after she found out he cheated with me. He probably hides his phone from her now as he still is in contact with me. I blame him even though he can get away with it. 0 -
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In my opinion rather he can get away with or not is not the issue. He should have enough respect for his wife not to communicate with me even after she found out he cheated with me. He probably hides his phone from her now as he still is in contact with me. I blame him even though he can get away with it.
are you replying to him?0 -
Thank you, I will run I am in my mid 20s so I have lots of time left and dont need to be stuck with him
It wouldn't matter what age you were, nobody should stay with a man who is in a relationship with somebody else. I'd rather be single forever than settle for that.
As for you, OP, I hope you stick to your guns and run. I said in another post to a 25 year old who was being harrassed by a married colleague that women who sleep with married men are labelled homewreckers. Some of these young women are genuinely misguided but others get a sick power thrill from taking something that belongs to somebody else - I guess it's the relationship equivalent of theft. Oh well, who am I to judge if somebody chooses a life of crime!
Sometimes I wonder if the women who post on these boards about being with married men aren't getting a sort of thrill about it and are bragging in their own sick way.0 -
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It wouldn't matter what age you were, nobody should stay with a man who is in a relationship with somebody else. I'd rather be single forever than settle for that.
As for you, OP, I hope you stick to your guns and run. I said in another post to a 25 year old who was being harrassed by a married colleague that women who sleep with married men are labelled homewreckers. Some of these young women are genuinely misguided but others get a sick power thrill from taking something that belongs to somebody else - I guess it's the relationship equivalent of theft. Oh well, who am I to judge if somebody chooses a life of crime!
Sometimes I wonder if the women who post on these boards about being with married men aren't getting a sort of thrill about it and are bragging in their own sick way.
I agree with most of your post as it is common sense, but really - no one belongs to anyone else, do they? Therefore there is NO relationship equivalent of theft (unless we are talking of kidnapping etc.).
I am pulling this up (again) because this is exactly the kind of thinking that perpetuates the double standard of putting all the blame on "the other woman/man" as a thief and a homewrecker, and facilitates in the actual person whose responsibility it was not to betray their OH, getting off the hook, being forgiven, etc. (they were "stolen"! = not their fault). Which in the long run just encourages the cheating, of course. The slut/bastard will be reviled (and rightly so, but what they should be reviled for is participation, NOT "theft" or betrayal), but the cheater will carry on cheating as their behaviour has been rewarded with forgiveness, misplacement of blame and exculpation of responsibility.
Why are people making it so difficult on themselves with these dreadful, painful and unhelpful double standards? I just get a bit riled about seeing so much stubborn denial around the place... 0 -
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