feedback on the father's thread

Bill2673

d4v1d wrote: »

i have been instructed by the administrator that my views have been deemed non constructive and have a point against me until september.

the fact that i don't want much to do with my partners pregnancy does not negate the fact that i still have to put up will all that it entails. i posted some questions asking how other guys in a similar situation to mine try to put up with this change in their partner as we can do nothing.

the only replies i seemed to get were from pregnant women saying i should try to understand and that i'm a monster for having an opinion contrary to the fact that they think i should be delighted in having to put up with change, i am not thrilled with the changes.

the link i posted only supported the view i had and to find out that there was research that actually supported my feelings on the matter actually helped me a lot more.

to spell it out for everyone
1. i am very happy with my partner
2. i am delighted i am going to be a father
3. i hate having to put up with my partner while she turns into a monster while pregnant when really there is nothing i can do about it and therefore don't even want to bother.

if this board is for fathers then i would really appreciate if pregnant women would stop trying to give me their point of view and maybe allow some fathers to be have a say. just because my view is unpopular with pregnant women it does not mean it is not constructive. it called a different point of view.

granted, in frustration i have probably been harsh with some comments, to which i will tone down in future. but personally it's the very fact everyone seems to insist that men should be thrilled to see their women turn less mentally and physically attractive for nine months ridiculous.

i can see this posting will probably have me banned but to hell with it. if the only thing that guys are allowed to post is 'how radiant she looks' or 'we're pregnant!' then why even bother to have a fathers thread.

WHile I offered my own opinions on your personal situation earlier on; I agree with you on this thing....this is no longer a fathers thread, seems to be very few fathers posting.....which is fair enough, but personally I would not share my personal situation having seen the reaction you have received, principally from women. While I am all for constructive advice, I think some the personal abuse that you have come in for has no place on a thread like this. And all of that personal abuse has come from women, as far as I can see. The father's thread? I don't think so.

Nevyn

Bill2673 if you have issues with posts please report them.

Bill2673

Posts weren't directed at me, so I don't feel the need to, thanks all the same.

Bill2673

Thaedydal wrote: »

d4v1d if you want to start a thread on that as a stand alone topic then please do.
This thread is to encourage fathers to be to post in the forum it is not the only place for fathers to be to post.

This is one post I would consider reporting though.....a female moderator telling a male contributor to the Father's thread that he is not entitled to post on a subject relating to his partners pregnancy on the Fathers thread....should I report it to the moderator....who is the moderator.....oh.......

Nevyn

It doesn't matter if the posts were not directed at you, you shoudl still report them if you think the breach the forum and site rules. Mods rely on reported posts to catch such posts and to guage feedback from those who post in the forum.

Bill2673 there are 5 mods of this forum all of them get a copy of the reported posts report. 2 of them are fathers and the cat mods for also get a copy of the reported posts and they are also male.

the whole point of this thread was to make sure that Dad's to be knew that they were welcome in the forum as a whole not just in this thread and it's a chat and hello thread.

It is not the only place father's to be can post about topics, it is not meant to suck up other discussions. d4v1d has been asked to start a thread on the topic of not wanting to be invovled in his partners pregnancy.

Pregnacy is not all a happy time for both parents to be and I don't' think that should be brushed under the rug at all, it should be discussed in a thread of it's own merit.

As for posters who come into a forum on any topic and declare that they have no interest in that topic and post in an inflammatory manner, there is a name for that it's trolling, some times people do it and don't realise it and so the mods step in.

Nevyn

Dad's to be does this thread need a warning in it to ask Mammy's to be who frequent the forum to not swamp the thread with posts?

Bill2673

.

Nevyn

The 2 Dad's we have who are mods are the last two recent additions to the forum and before that it happened to be female mods who were mammys, so we have tried to make sure that there is a presence for Dads here.

It's strange the site as a whole has more male posters, most forums male posters out number female posters but yet when it comes to the topics of pregnancy, babies and parentng we have more female posters then male eps the last 2 years.

The post was suitable for the forum yes, for the thread no as it's a serious topic which merits it's own dicussion rather then buried in a chat/introduction thread.

Again why post in a forum with a topic of X saying you have no intrest in X?

As for me being passive agressive I have already explained how you may report my posts and make a complaint if you wish.

Bill2673

Thaedydal wrote: »

It's strange the site as a whole has more male posters, most forums male posters out number female posters but yet when it comes to the topics of pregnancy, babies and parentng we have more female posters then male eps the last 2 years.

There's only one way I can read this comment, and that is, that men are less interested in parenting than women. And you know what, you may well be right. But I wouldn't generalise in that way. Certainly not on The Fathers Thread.

Look, I don't like contributing to an ill-tempered debate, no more I'm sure than you do. I made my point re David, I'm giving my perspective as a father and father-to-be on the reaction he received. I disagree wholeheartedly with you that this was inappropriate place for him to post. His post was best answered by other fathers or fathers-to-be, not by women, as there was only one way that women would respond to his post. Thats my view. You don't share that view. C'est la vie. Life goes on.

ThePiedPiper

I made my reply as a father to d4v1d back on the 21st May. I think the issue became a little bit emotive after that point. Some of the responses were definitely a bit much. People choose to have whatever viewpoints they wish.

I do think however that d4v1d will be in for a bit of a land when his child is born because his partner will most likely never be the person she was again before she was pregnant. His life will have to change. Being completely carefree is not an option for new parents and the sole focus for quiet a while will be on the newborn. Anyway, it's his choice to live in blissful ignorance for a while now, thinking things will get back to normal as soon as the 9 months is up. He'll learn in his own time, verbal abuse probably won't make him change his mind.

cbyrd

Posting in the fathers thread by women can sometimes give a new dad-to-be some perspective from the pregnant womans point of view. i posted wondering how his partner felt about his lack of interest and if she was ok with the fact that he didn't want to hear her "whingeing"

hear all this talk about giving her massages when the baby is coming out. why?? i don't expect a back massage anytime i have constipation. i don't understand why i have to know how many legs the baby has at week 22 or that it now has a brain and/or ears. the end result speaks for itself. when the babies arrive, then you can take part with changing nappies and raising them, but if you start feeling pressured into taking part now you'll just end up resenting the whole thing. i know i do.

it's not a good indicator when he admits to feeling resentful of the whole pregnancy and in my humble opinion if you post on a thread you are going to get a response. there's lots of new dad's who ask for the female point of view in this thread, and when females wish congratulations is that wrong too?

but until baby arrives i couldn't care less about goes on in the womb. she's the woman, it's up to her to carry the child until it's born. and i don't want to listen day in, day out that her hips are sore, or she's feeling poorly. for gods sake she's been like that 23 out of every 24 hours since getting pregnant. i mean every woman in the world has gone through and felt the same thing, why does she have to broadcast it as if martians had landed!!! she's surely not the first woman to have had a few aches and pains.

this just sounded like she got pregnant by herself and he had absolutely nothing to do with it..
his posts were worded to offend and seeing as a lot of the mammies on the pregnant forum will usually welcome and give little snippets of advice to new dad's, this being his first child you'd have to wonder if his partner was aware of how he felt and by the same token did he realise how insensitive he was being.
My main reason for posting replies to D4v1d was firstly shock at how insensitve he sounded and then to wonder how he thought he would just switch on once the baby was born.

to spell it out for everyone
1. i am very happy with my partner
2. i am delighted i am going to be a father
3. i hate having to put up with my partner while she turns into a monster while pregnant when really there is nothing i can do about it and therefore don't even want to bother.

if he doesn't ask how does he know if she's in pain or just fed up??
i know in one of my posts i did point out that not attending any of the antenatal classes wasn't the end of the world, it can be helpful to know something of whats going on in case of an emergency.. I'm sure Khannie would agree
what he posted was insulting to pregnant women as we tend to empathise with each other. A lot of parents did also try to point out if he found this stage hard then having an actual baby is no easy thing either.
i didn't think it was appropiate to have this debate in the Fathers thread, it did need a thread of its own maybe with a *no female input* banner
I do think he is entitled to his opinion, but he also has to take into account other peoples opinions too and i don't really see where the personal abuse was maybe you'd post some examples??(not being smart just can't really find any that personally insult)

Bill2673

Hi Cbyrd,

thats fair enough. Maybe I only saw what I thought was a group of girls ganging up on a guy on the fathers thread; and didn't consider enough that pregnant women would find it so insulting as you said.

Anyways, my (our) news is that we have a new baby as of yesterday morning; a baby girl. It all happened very quick; and as regards preparation it was important for me to know how frequent contractions should be and how long they should last, in terms of getting my folks quickly to the house (to babysit) so that we could get in to the hospital, as my OH was a little dazed by it all. Last time round contractions started at 3am and baby was born at 10.30pm; this time round contractions started at 2.30am and baby was born at 7.30am. Also v important was sharing the breathing exercises. Natural birth, no epidural, the breathing was a big part of it. i was a lot more involved this time than last time, partly since it was so much quicker and partly because there was no epidural. As regards my own personal preparation, I made sure to bring a few sandwiches this time, was absolutely starved the previous time......but you can't really be saying, anyone got a mars bar handy, when its all happening.

cbyrd

Ah that's great news congratulations you and your family !!!:);)

Nevyn

Congratulations Bill2673 on the new addition to your family.