adrift

LegacyUser

I feel pain more recently than ever before. Well not true pain. It's more an absence of anything. It starts in my chest and spreads. It's cold and empty and growing. It runs down my arms and covers all of me when it gets really bad. Like you're being drowned but not with water more heavy blankets. I like the cold, it makes me feel something.

I'm sad a lot of the time. I can ignore food and not eat for days. My time feels empty. My path is not going anywhere. I can still fill my days and hours with distractions but ultimately i'm not happy to sit with just myself. I feel adrift and cut off from the world around me. I can interact with people and i know from the outside nothings wrong.

And then i can feel it grow. I can't stop it. And i have no reason to. Of all the possibilities i see before me, each one just makes me more unhappy and panic stricken. I used to think there has to be more to it than this. Now i'm resigned to knowing there's not. This has crushed me.

I'm 30, i've tried counseling. I can remember being happy and knowing what to do. I've lost that somehow. I rue my choices and regret so much. This is vague and more for me than anything else. My heart's in the right place. Nothing else is.

humanji

I don't know how good advice it is, but I found that keeping myself occupied helped change my demeanour completely. I joined a gym and afterwards, with all the exercise I was getting, along with a healthier diet, I started feeling great. I got more focus in what I wanted to do. Whenever I found myself lounging about feeling sorry for myself, I forced myself to do something, anything, that was even slightly productive.

I found myself being more optomistic and I had much more drive. I'm now doing a job I love and loving every minute of the day. As I said, I don't know how well it'll suit you, but it's worked wonders for me. So give it a try and hopefully you'll be on top of the world in no time.