What to do!

king909

m a 20 year old guy that was in a casual non-committed relationship with my 19 year old best friend (girl). It was going great and she only has friends in their 30s which was fine with me! everything was going great with us and were looking like it was going to become more serious and become a committed relationship! but then her 34 year old friend asked her on a date and she told me that she had feelings for him in the past but had put them to the back of her mind for a few months! So she decided that she had to date him because she loved him more at that point! we always told each other the truth and so i wasnt too broken up!

She then told me that the reason that she chose him more then anything was that she knows that if we got together now we would end up together for the rest of our lives and end up married! and that her life plan is to finish college and marry me but that she wasnt ready for that level of serious in her life and said that she couldnt say no to this other guy because she didnt want to regret anything in her life! and that she wanted us to be happy together in a few years but wanted to live a bit before settling down basically!

Again this was fine with me because i feel the same. i am in love with her and knowing that she is with someone else hurts, but we remained best friends and hung around regularily! About 3 weeks ago we ended up feeling each other up but not kissing and again the following week! we talked about it and said that neither of us had regrets that it happened!

Now this happens all the time and we basically have a relationship on the side of her still being with her boyfriend! we now kiss and act like a couple in ares that he doesnt know people like my area! she told me that she wants to lose her virginity to me now, and im honored because it clearly means that i mean a lot to her and i really believe that she wants to spend her life with me eventually as she reglarily talks about our future together! and we have never once lied to each other! I must stress that this girl is in no way a slut and i was the 1st person she ever had a relationship with and her current boyfriend is her second! she is very honest and very innocent and this is all extremely out of character for her! if you told anyone who knows her about this they would never believe it was her!!!

But i still have a niggling problem! i dont know if i should cut it now even tho i dont want to because im in love with her and she feels even more stongly! but i dont like the thought that when i leave her i just sit around while she then goes out with a boyfriend! who gets her alone in his room even tho he doesnt get as far as i would! i dont want to push her to dump him because im not sure if im ready for the serious relationship that we would be in and i know she doesnt want it! but i also dont want her to be with him! im torn over it all and any opinion would be appriciated

Esoteric_

I'm not going to call her a slut because 2 relationships doesn't make you a slut, but she's being a complete b!tch to you.

Seriously, she's using you as a bit on the side while she sees some other guy. Does that not show how little respect she has for either of you? If you truly want to marry a guy and settle down with him and are in love with him, you don't go dating other people for "experience" because if you actually wanted marriage and the lot, you wouldn't need to date other men for experience if you believed that you would settle down with one specific person.

Mate, she's using you and she's using him. Frankly, I'm disgusted that you'd willingly help a girl cheat on her partner, but she's in the wrong too. What if 10 years down the line you guys get married and she decides she wants more experiences? Are you going to sit back happily while she does whatever she wants with whoever she wants?

LighterGuy

First off mate. You're a nice guy. I can tell from your post Problem is nice guys can get used and treated badly. Look at it as you were looking at someone else:

"guy (20yo) is in love and dating a girl (19yo) who is also dating an older man (34yo) ... All because she wants more experiences" - My friend just listen to that. Picture that its not you in this situation. You would call that man a sucker.


And Im sorry to be the one to tell you this. see the way she says shes ready to have sex with you now? loose her virginity? ... my friend she is already having sex with this 34yo man.


to sum it up: (im sorry for being harsh. but a nice guy has to have his eyes opened)

- you are her safety blanket. She doesnt love you. She wants her cake. You are giving it to her.
- She isnt innocent. Shes at that sexual stage. aka wants to *uck around her.
- shes had sex with this 34man while she's making you wait. (you would be shocked how many times that happens)
- you have no future with this girl.
- she is a user.
- this girl is a sl*t. 100%. A blind man could see that.
- you're a nice guy. You deserve better.
- if you do not put a stop to this the truth will hit you in the face eventually. And that will hurt more.

Taltos

You are being used.

Either consciously or not - you are being used / played whatever.
You are being told exactly what you want but then you are settling for seconds (insert word here).

Mate you do come across really well - so why do you think you deserve to be treated like this?
End it - be friends if you want - but as long as this is going on - you stand no chance in moving forwards in your life.
Right now she has the cake - is eating it - and has a safety net to fall into at the weekends/evenings/whatever.

Sorry - but for your own sake you gotta put a stop to this before you lose all respect for yourself. Been there - (almost)done that - have the t-shirt(scars).

Sebastien De Valmont

What you should do is start going out with loads of women and after you had spread your wild oats see if this girl is really worth it.

You are only 20 and you are never going to be 20 again.

You should be spending your time breaking girls hearts rather than acting like a complete doormat.

This 34 year old is her REAL boyfriend. She and him are almost definitely sleeping together.

She only hangs out with you and lets you touch her up because she feels guilty and sorry for you.

Tell her to get lost and just walk away.

Stop calling her or texting her and get yourself a girlfriend or string girlfriends or have a dozen girlfriends on the go at the same time.

If she is really worth it she will go into a jealous rage, dump her 34 year old and come crawling back.

If she comes crawling back, act like you don't need her and she will be eating out of your hand.:D

Best of luck!