Brilliant news to see this forum set up!

axel rose

Never in my wildest dreams did I think that I would use- never mind suggest this forum.

Almost 12 months ago I found my husband of 2 years collapsed getting ready for work. Although his life support was switched off 2 days later I feel that he died that day.

Since that day I've been numb, cried, argued, screamed and laughed. I still do. I'd do anything to get my normal life back but the fact is I'm stuck with this one and have to make best with what I have.

LegacyUser

Oh I'm sorry. Dealing with a sudden death must be one of the hardest things, imho.
The not having a chance to say goodbye is difficult to deal with.

Hope you are coping as well as possible.

xxx

Rev Hellfire

I'm curious have you attended any of the bereavement courses/lectures run by hospitals or other agencies ?

axel rose

No. I literally don't have the time. I guess it would do me no harm but it's a case of fitting it in. Why?

Rev Hellfire

I was curious as to how you found them.

axel rose

Well to answer your question I didnt!

However I DO think that counselling is a personal thing. Some people may not be ready and others may not gel with their therapist. I could probably do with it and haven't ruled it out.

banie01

Axel rose, just want to congratulate/thank you for all your lobbying and hardwork in never letting this forum idea drop off the radar.
And of course thanks to the mods too for finally adding the category.
I lost my partner of 12yrs just over 3yrs ago, in fact today is her 30th birthday :-(
and while I've not posted a lot about it, it's great to know that now if the mood takes me I can post in a specific forum rather than lumping it onto PI where although great advice is often given.... You sometimes feel that you get a little lost amongst all the vast range of topics on that board!
Once again thanks to Axelrose and everyone else who campaigned for this subforum, and the mods for finally listening

Dudess

Excellent forum.

Miss Fluff

I think it's a great idea, well done to whoever actioned it. Everyone goes through a bereavement at some stage in their lives, think it's a great that Boards has forum where people can air how they are feeling.

dollydimples82

i lost my brother almost 9 years ago, still miss him

WanderingSoul

I'm so glad this forum was created, I think it's certainly needed and will hopefully benefit a lot of people. Thanks axel_rose for suggesting it, the admins for making it and the PI mods for agreeing to mod it.

Posy

WanderingSoul wrote: »

I'm so glad this forum was created, I think it's certainly needed and will hopefully benefit a lot of people. Thanks axel_rose for suggesting it, the admins for making it and the PI for agreeing to mod it.

+1
Looks like it'll be a tough one to mod (emotionally speaking) but such a worthwhile forum. Thanks, Boards!

princess-lala

axel rose thank you for trying so hard and succeeding in having this forum opened

As for the counselling - I tried it after my boyfriend died and hated it! I felt the woman didnt want to know but that was my experience.

A friend of mine went after the same boyfriend died (she took it really bad he was her 4th friend in 6 weeks to die) she went to a different councellor to what I did and she said he made her see things so differently and she is now so much better than what she was back then.

axel rose

(Getting all embarassed with the thank yous)

princess-lala

axel rose wrote: »

(Getting all embarassed with the thank yous)

Well it is all thanks to you

Now we don't have to go down the route of PI and at least we can all relate to how the others are feeling in here

banie01

princess-lala wrote: »

axel rose thank you for trying so hard and succeeding in having this forum opened

As for the counselling - I tried it after my boyfriend died and hated it! I felt the woman didnt want to know but that was my experience.

A friend of mine went after the same boyfriend died (she took it really bad he was her 4th friend in 6 weeks to die) she went to a different councellor to what I did and she said he made her see things so differently and she is now so much better than what she was back then.

I agree with you on the counselling, Its a very personal and subjective experience.
I went after my partner died and while I was glad of the opportunity to talk to someone who wasn't directly affected by Kates death, as I found anytime I spoke to my own friends or family it descended into a round emotional torture where we ended up upsetting each other more and more.
My partner and I were together 12yrs and with me being the eldest of a big family, She wasn't just a partner/mother to our son.
She was a big sister to all my siblings, a best freind to the eldest of my sister's and my mam too....I just felt at the time that unloading my own emotions on my family fuelled a despair that I wasn't comfortable with.

I found that the counsellor I saw was very preoccupied with how the death was affecting my religion(I'm not even slightly religious) and the impact on my 'spirituality'......She seemed obsessed with predestination and Blame....

When I pointed out that I am the kind of person who if I had someone to blame for taking Kate away from me that I would quite happily hunt them down and crucify them, even if it meant figuring out how to get to God(And sure didn't he already have experience of crucifixion ) She finally stopped banging on about that aspect and listened to me.....

And thats what I needed...An ear, someone who wasn't going to break down when I reminisced about any particular memory...

Quite often I think that someone who will let you unload and have your tears and memories without being set off themselves can be more valuable than any exercise or methodology.
If you can find a counsellor who can meld both your doing well....But I'm sure many would agree that as counselling is such an intensly personal relationship that the Counsellor who can do that for one person.....May not be able to do it for another due to the nature of the relationship and personal dynamics varying from person to person