How would you interpret all these?

LegacyUser

i went with a man in the evening for a coffee.

a bit of background: i met him in work. our work is quite individual, on freelance basis, but would have to deal with a lot of people. we dont really have colleagues, we come and go to the places we provide the service. so, this week, this man is asked to dublin, he bases in another european country but dublin does not have people who has his skill. so i met him in the workplace in the resting area. we have common background.

then he asked me for number and said he would like to invite me for a coffee after work as he is so boring here and has nothing to do.

i dont like him that way, but i dont mind to have one more friend who works in my profession, afterall in this profession, you rarely can make friends with others. and although i am a bit conscious, but i dont want to assume all men asking for my number = wants to chase me.

so, we met. and we chatted. he has a wife. and i told him i am now dating a guy.

but then in the conversations, he said i looked like his ex. and we talked about muslim country and he said in muslime countries, men can take more than one wives and used him me as an example and said he can get me as a second wife and make me feel very comfortable ( i immediately said 'no' jokingly). he and then got closed to me and said you know it's not easy for men to satisfy women. i started to feel not comfortable and suggested to go.

he then asked me whether he can see me again next time when he comes to dublin again and maybe we can do something more than have a coffee. i said, yeah, i can bring him to dinner. and he asked maybe more after dinner... i felt uncomfortable and really not sure what he meant, and i asked ' what do you mean?' and he said maybe for a walk or a drink in pub. i replied 'yea'.

do you think i am too sensitive feeling offensed by him here? maybe he did mean a walk or a drink? or then he did imply sex?

i do want to make friends with my profession, but if he wants something more, i would certainly keep away from him.

LighterGuy

Op, to pretty much sum it up ... this man is looking for sex. Not friendship as you are. Its best to use translation on what he said:

"he said in muslim countries, men can take more than one wives and used me as an example and said he can get me as a second wife"
= I am coming onto you. I am mentioning this because I want to have sex with you. (thats called a "build up" op)

"you know it's not easy for men to satisfy women"
= He is hinting at sex again.

... and maybe we can do something more than have a coffee. i said, yeah, i can bring him to dinner. and he asked maybe more after dinner...
= sex.

... But the ultimate one that makes his intentions clear before everything else was ...
"then he asked me for number and said he would like to invite me for a coffee after work as he is so boring here and has nothing to do" ...
"bored and nothing to do here" was a line to get your number. What he was really asking was I want to go out on a date with you. I'd put money on that you showed reluctancy. Hence why he threw the "i am bored here" line in.



Op, he will not stop with his advances. Most men would the way you clearly stated you had a bf and got uncomfortable with certain suggestions.

Muslim men are well known for being pushy. Sadly as you are about to find out. You are going to have a bit of a hard time putting him in his place very soon.

LegacyUser

I was in a similar situation with a guy from India/Pakistan (not sure which country)....both of us were alone in a foreign country and I wanted a friend. I was quite a bit younger than him and a bit naive (I was 23)....it turned out he wanted sex, and I thought maybe I'd led him on for going for a drink with him - in my mind it was just a drink and a chat, for him I'd accepted an invitation on a date.

Don't meet up with this guy thinking that you risk offending him if you don't. His intentions are pretty clear as pointed out by LighterGuy so at this stage you're more than entitled not to play along, and in fact, if you see him again after he's made it quite obvious he wants sex, you might be getting yourself into a bad situation...especially if you have contact through work, who knows, he might say you led him on and be annoyed at your later rejection...or it will simply be as what happened to me a very awkward encounter and uncomfortable situation.

Decline politely and keep an eye open next time someone asks you for coffee - sometimes it's a date disguised as friendship, watch the body language/words (really, he couldn't be more obvious here)....if you feel uncomfortable there's probably more to the situation....but don't let it stop you. If you make it clear you're not interested, like you did, then you have every reason to go expecting it to just be a friendship coffee. Don't let it put you off making friends, you have to risk it sometimes like you did, but now you've realised what he wants, look elsewhere for friends

LegacyUser

OP here.

Thanks for the translation. Very nice one.

No, it's easy for me to keep away from him. He's not in Dublin. Next time if he comes and calls, I would just ignore his calls. And I don't think I would go to the place he works always. If I accidentally pick up his calls, I just push him away by saying that I am busy or I am not in Dublin at the moment. If I see him in work, I just say I have to work or meet friends after work. If needed, I can ask the guy I am dating with for help.. etc. Hahha, never find it hard to sweep away an unwanted man.

THANKS again.