First Date Advice - Touching!

gavney1

Hi guys

I'm 26 and single guy.

I've always always had a problem with making a move on a girl and touching and affection at first. I'm actually pretty confident in other areas. Like, I'm actually good at initiating conversations with girls in bars and keeping up good conversations - I approach girls more than any of my friends

My problem comes with physical contact. If I'm talking to a girl and we're getting on well, it takes me forever to make a move, even if I KNOW she's interested (like, on a couple of occassions girls I fancied have even asked me "are you ever going to kiss me" and I still just freeze)
My friends have gotten so frustrated watching me sometimes, that they've genuinely gotten angry with me, cause I often blow it by not making a move - which is the part that lots of guys find easiest!!

Anyway, went on two dates with a girl this week. Quite like her, and she told me (while drunk) on the night we met that she really likes me. But then when I met her, I just couldn't make any physical moves. She gave me a peck on the mouth when we parted on the first date, but on the second date, she stood there awkwardly waiting for me to make the move, before I said goodbye.

I know I'm making things awkward on the date and killing any potential chemistry the longer I go on without physical contact. I even think it's made me so nervous on a couple of occassions that I start acting like a bit of a dick to hide my nervousness

My friend is advising me that a good thing to do is to peck a girl on the cheek when you meet her at first - that it kills some of the tension, and will make the conversation flow much easier.

I like the idea and I always tell myself I'm gonna do it on a first date - but I never ever do! I just feel nervous.

What do people think??


I'm meeting a different girl tm night, and am thinking of doing it - I've only met her once (and very very briefly) - would it be weird to kiss her on the cheek? Would it kill tension?

Btw, I'm not a virgin before anyone gets that impression and I've kissed loads of girls (eventually), but physical contact is something I'm just woeful at and always have been.

Cullen82

Yeah 100%, Hold her hand (as in to shake) and then meet halfway but do it with confidence - As in not so slowly or arkwardly that she's doubting what you're up to!

Sit back and wait for the fireworks:D

Ha Best of luck on the date, Wish I was having one this weekend!

forest gunner

I need to work on this too but Id agree with Cullen82.
Im pretty useless at that sort of thing. I dont know whats going too far and whats not enough.
But I think if you show confidence in your body language, and a bit of class, she will like it.

Exclamation Marc

The key for you is to be assertive about the date. Don't build up tension in your head and end up a pot of nerves.

My advice is always this, she likes you thats why she's there. If you go for a kiss and she's not into it, you've lost nothing at all. If she is into it, you'll just enjoy the end result, so its a win win situation.

When you meet her, peck on the cheek is a good call, it breaks the tension completely and its a very friendly thing to do so its not as if youre being OTT.

gavney1

Cullen82 wrote: »

Yeah 100%, Hold her hand (as in to shake) and then meet halfway but do it with confidence - As in not so slowly or arkwardly that she's doubting what you're up to!

Sit back and wait for the fireworks:D

Ha Best of luck on the date, Wish I was having one this weekend!

thanks man. I think you're right. I keep visualising myself doing the kiss on the cheek but messing it up. Gotta start visualizing a positive image! You're right - confidently but not groping!

Good idea to hold hand I think as otherwise I'd be conscious of where to put that hand!

gavney1

forest gunner wrote: »

I need to work on this too but Id agree with Cullen82.
Im pretty useless at that sort of thing. I dont know whats going too far and whats not enough.
But I think if you show confidence in your body language, and a bit of class, she will like it.

Thanks Cullen. Glad to hear I'm not the only one.

Will let you know how I get on

gavney1

FireballPitcher wrote: »

My advice is always this, she likes you thats why she's there. If you go for a kiss and she's not into it, you've lost nothing at all. If she is into it, you'll just enjoy the end result, so its a win win situation.

When you meet her, peck on the cheek is a good call, it breaks the tension completely and its a very friendly thing to do so its not as if youre being OTT.

yeah, you're dead on - I think I should repeat this in my head before I go on the date tonight!

thanks

LegacyUser

Don't forget, she'll probably be nervous too! You might think that women have it all sussed, and you feel like a doofus in comparison. Let me tell you, women don't have it all sussed!

I'm a girl and I always used to get nervous about this bit cos it is kinda embarrassing. I don't know, but maybe the guys I was with noticed this because they would often ask if it was alright to kiss me. Fair play to them, and I always thought they were gentlemen for asking (they certainly didn't have to ask).

You sound lovely, you have lots going for you. But the kiss is your Everest. Don't look at it as such a huge obstacle : ) because it's not. Just another part of the date.

Sebastien De Valmont

Think of touching as like climbing a mountain.

At the bottom of the mountain is a friendly touch on the arm and the summit is sex.

When people get intimate the level of touching increases.

You go from from arm in arm, holding hands, arm around the waist, arm over the shoulder, facing eachother in a hug, a kiss on the cheek, a peck on the lips, kissing with tongues, foreplay to sex.

If you want to get more and more intimate with a woman you have to climb the mountain step by step.

If a woman wants you to stop you simply go back one step and when she gets comfortable you can go further.

That way there is no pressure on you and no pressure on her.

It will just flow naturally.

Nevyn

Sebastien De Valmont wrote: »

If a woman wants you to stop you simply go back one step and when she gets comfortable you can go further.

You were doing ok up until that point, no means no, not try again later.

gavney1 I suggest you go and take up a massage class.
That way you will learn some self confidence, get used to physical touch, learn boundaries and how to make someone feel good when you touch them.

Some times the freezing could be you being worried/scared and over thinking when you meet the right person everything else fades away and in the mean time look at a beginners massage class.

gavney1

Sebastien, thanks - I like your mountain analogy, will defo keep that in mind

Thanks every1 again

I had the date on Friday, and everything was perfect. Gave her a kiss on the cheek at the start. It made things alot more comfortable (for me at least, and I hope for her). Then later on I played a fun game my friend showed me involving drawing on her hand!

Got on really well, and really enjoyed it. then when I went for the kiss at the end, it was much easier for me to do, as there had already been some physical contact. There wasn't even one second of awkwardness for the whole date.

Thaedyal - thanks for your advice. You're actually the second person to suggest massage classes to me this week!

Micahelxcx

A simple peck on the cheek is always a nice introduction when meeting on a date. It is a friendly gesture.

As the date continues you will know whether she is into you or not from eye contact, and her body language.

I would suggest accidently touching her hand and her arm during conversations and see how she reacts. Don't grab her hand to hold it. Just hold and rub it and let it go, and repeat it while you are talking to her and looking at her in the eyes.

If you want to kiss her then kiss her GENTLY on her lips, no tongues just yet. Leave that to a later date. Tell her you enjoyed meeting up and would like to meet her again.

Be confident, cool and considerate.

Memnoch

Thaedydal wrote: »

You were doing ok up until that point, no means no, not try again later.

I think you're taking this bit a little literally. I think what he meant was that it can take time to build up a level of intimacy. A girl might let you kiss her one night and even make out a little, but might not be interested in sex, that night.

That doesn't mean that she never wants to have sex with you. And that once you're a little closer and have spent more time together, she might be more in the mood for "the next step," however that's defined. So in that case, I don't really think that "no means no," as it were.

p.s. glad you got over your shyness a little op. Well done!