social anxiety

anon999

Hi all,

Don't know where to begin really. Suppose where i'm at now is a logical choice. I'm married with kids and have a job (at least that is something in this day and age). However, one thing is killing me is that I'm letting myself down in all sorts of situations, especially when it comes to meeting new people as we have moved into a new area.

I think the immediate neighbours are avoiding me, probably because they think I'm a bit weird. I had a belief in my head that one neighbor was talking behind my back to another neighbour and blatently snubbed her as i passed by in my car after that, which was a mistake as word has obviously spread. Now I dont even see them anymore as they just dont come out except pass by in cars.

I was at a communion dinner recently and I bumped in to a another person in the locality. I just said hello and that was it. I think he was expecting me to have a chat but i just kept going, no idea why, just didn't feel great. My child went to a party in their house and everything seemed fine but i saw the couple since and its as if the husband had said to his wife "there's your man" and her attitude had changed completly towards me and she doesn't have any time for me now. Seems a bit harsh in that i wasn't overtly rude, just non-talkative.

But this is happening all too often now and getting me down. I'm not sure what to do but just feel stuck in a rut and feel that people are talking behind my back. My mind is very paranoid and its as if I almost need something to worry about. Sorry for ranting but you get my drift.

Stu

Most adults are smart enough to know the difference between somebody who is blatantly rude and somebody who is shy or has social anxiety and comes across a bit nervous. The thing that might get up somebodys nose though is if you appear to be aloof or disinterested and often times people can misinterpret social anxiety for aloofness.

The best thing if you can manage it would be to smile and have a quick chit chat when you meet the neighbours just to let them know that you are not avoiding them. You could even tell the neighbours in question that you have a touch of Social Anxiety and sometimes feel awkward around people. If they snub you after that then they are not worth being friendly with anyway.

Also, i doubt if all the neighbours are talking about you. People have far important stuff going to be spreading silly rumours that somebody might be weird. When you are paralysed with anxiety you can think that other people really pick up on it because the physical, emotional stress can make it all feel so real and uncomfortable but the people in question are not feeling the same anxiety as you so won't look at the situation with the same intensity and will just think you are quiet or a bit nervous or just not in great form while you walk away thinking, "jesus, i made a fool of myself, they must think i'm a bit of a weirdo." Its just not the case in reality.

The following site has lots of useful info for coping with Social Anxiety, check it out ........

http://www.social-anxiety.org.uk/index.html

greengiant09

as a sufferer of SA, i know exactly what you mean regarding the paranoia...i used to feel the exact same. i would re-enact and do post-mortems on conversations i had with people and predict or fortune tell what the other person was thinking....this was always negative and i would run it through my mind endlessly....to much frustration i must add.

the reality is that you've blown things up in your mind....people MAY feel that your quiet and like to keep to yourself but thats not the end of the world! if you want more info in how i got over, you can search previous posts i've made on the topic.

anon999

Thanks for the replys and advice.

You know I wish I could say its not as bad as I think but I really don't believe so. I mean these people aren't even coming out of their houses anymore. I feel like a modern version of Atilla the Hun who has arrived to a new neighbourhood and upset everything without expressing one word of anger.

It could be that i seem aloof alright - i can imagine how people would think that although in fairness i was the first to break the ice with people here. Its a confidence thing also. If I see someone in a distance the mind starts working, will i salute, will i not, by the time i've made a decision, its too late, damage done.

Don't see an easy way out except to try and be myself (without the hangups!) and hope things improve. I know I'm not a bad person (yes, I have to make these statements to make it bearable).