Boyfriend on dating sites...

LegacyUser

My boyfriend of 5 years is on dating sites.

Im pretty shocked at the moment and don't know what to do.... I have confronted him and he has lied.

Iv always trusted him and believed that he was the man I was going to spend my life with but now that I have discovered this I don't think I can trust him agin.... and if I can't trust him it's just not going to work for us. I'm always one for trying but I really have an issue with lying and sneaking behind your partners back.

Advice???

Glenshane Pass

Make sure the profiles are up to date and not years old. Don't take offence, I've just seen these mistakes being made.

LighterGuy

Normally the most logical thing to do would be what Glenshane Pass has said above. But lets face facts. That is 100% a pc answer.

Op has been with her BF for 5 years. Really doubt shes found a 5 year old profile.


Op, you must break up with this man. I know that will hurt. But think of the logic. The best advice anyone could give you right now is for you to take yourself out of the situation, look at it from a 3rd view.

"girlfriend of 5 years finds boyfriend is on dating sites"

What else can be said.

Peggypeg

Hey OP,

First of all big BIG hug, that is just horrific. If you're anything like me then that is definately an instant dealbreaker. If you're absolutely sure you're correct, I wouldn't bother talking to him or explaining anything. I'd just be gone when he gets home. Without trust a relationship is horrible and destructive and will turn you into a whimpering paranoid mess and you don't deserve that. Just pack up everything and move out. If he tries to contact you just tell him that you want zero contact and are moving on with your life. I know how horrific a break up is after that length of time but to be honest sweetie you've given him 5 years, now that you see he's not worth it why give him more time? Move out, get busy with hobbies and friends and move on. That's my advice.

I know that it is scary and heartbreaking and makes your stomach hurt, but I will tell you that when I broke up from my ex 4 years ago I felt the same way. Within 2 months I'd met my current bf (the love of my life) and honestly I've never been happier, we're looking forward to a great future and have so many plans. I'm telling you this because this kind of break up can feel like the end of the world but I'm telling you from experience it's not. It'll take time but I'm sure in a while you'll be thankful that you didn't accept this treatment.

Seriously everything will be ok,
The very very very best of luck with everything.

mood

OP how did you find the profile? Did it have a pic of him? How did he discribe himself etc? You should have printed off the profile to confront him with.

leedsfan88

Hey sorry if my advice is very sinister,

But what i'd do is set up an account under a different name and start chatting with him, if he replies and agrees to go on a date with you then you know his been cheating, and when ye meet up and you've caught him then you know its really him.

Sorry but i think this would be a fun way to get the truth out:D

P.S sorry to hear that your bf is a possibly ****

mood

leedsfan88 wrote: »

Hey sorry if my advice is very sinister,

But what i'd do is set up an account under a different name and start chatting with him, if he replies and agrees to go on a date with you then you know his been cheating, and when ye meet up and you've caught him then you know its really him.

Sorry but i think this would be a fun way to get the truth out:D

P.S sorry to hear that your bf is a possibly ****

I think the fact that he is on it means he is looking to cheat and that would be the end of it for me.

kjl

Well just because he is on a site doesnt mean he has done anything. Sometimes us guys have a need to be liked and we go on those site to see what we can reel in. Talk to him, tell him you found his profile and give him a chance to explain himself.

Miss Fluff

kjl wrote: »

Well just because he is on a site doesnt mean he has done anything. Sometimes us guys have a need to be liked and we go on those site to see what we can reel in.

Pathetic.

And pretty common place. I've said it before, I reckon about 30% of guys on those sites are already attached. I've experienced it more times than I'd care to mention. Many of them just sad losers who are in relationships desperately trying to cling on to the hope that they may still have it and could score if they wanted too.

Regardless of anyone saying that it could be innocent. I don't see how. People go on dating sites to either genuinely meet someone nice or find a shag or to see what's out there. So your boyfriend is doing one of those three things. Not acceptable if supposedly in a committed relationship imho....

I'd be inclined to set up a fake profile or get on of your friends to as it might be too painful and snare the pr1ck. His intentions are NOT innocent regardless of what anyone else says.....

Ickle Magoo

Before you go in guns blazing, do you know it's definitely him? And that it's definitely a current profile that he has used recently? He isn't stalking exes or just using any interest as an ego stroke (completely lame all the same but not in the same league as trying to initiate physical contact)...

If it is definately him and he's using it then I'd be tempted to join up and flirt and see how far he'd take things - if he arranged to meet up then I'd surprise him by arriving with a one-way ticket to dumpsville.

Best of luck.

SarahSassy

kjl wrote: »

Well just because he is on a site doesnt mean he has done anything. Sometimes us guys have a need to be liked and we go on those site to see what we can reel in. Talk to him, tell him you found his profile and give him a chance to explain himself.

Thats not good enough.... He is putting himself out there and showing his GF no respect. In all these 'innocent' cases where they are just wanting to be liked I would estimate 95% of them are hedging their bets and trying to replace gf no1 with gf no 2.

Get rid.

Plus its not fair to the genuine girls on the site they are stringing along....

AnonoBoy

Double check that it is him before you jump in.

Could someone else be using his picture as a joke or something similar?

Emme

SarahSassy wrote: »

Plus its not fair to the genuine girls on the site they are stringing along....

That's why I gave up internet dating. I found it to be a joke and a waste of time - sitting at the PC trawling through profiles and emails that consisted of "how r u" or "hi sexy" and most men seemed to be looking for sex even though they said otherwise.:mad: To make matters worse I was eating chocolate to ward off the tedium of the whole futile exercise.

OP, I don't what I would do if I were you. It's most likely him and not somebody pretending - who would do such a thing, has anyone a grudge against him? If you feel strongly about cheating I'd get rid but it's hard to meet guys who are decent and honest.

Plenty of muppets on the internet though!:rolleyes:

fungun

the problem with this is your lack of proof. If he is on it and cheating he can just say it is not him/someone did it as a joke and you have no proof. In such a case, will you believe him or not? the fact that you are posting it makes me think not.

Pathetic or not, many men or on dating websites who never cheat. If thats your bf, would u throw your reln away for this? If yes, then do it. If not then you somehow need to figure out what he is up to. Only way to do this is to in someway contact him and see what his reaction is.

Muddy waters though...

dublingal80

as everyone else has said - how do you know its him?

mood

And how did you find his profile?

LighterGuy

Miss Fluff wrote: »

Pathetic.

And pretty common place. I've said it before, I reckon about 30% of guys on those sites are already attached. I've experienced it more times than I'd care to mention. Many of them just sad losers who are in relationships desperately trying to cling on to the hope that they may still have it and could score if they wanted too.

Regardless of anyone saying that it could be innocent. I don't see how. People go on dating sites to either genuinely meet someone nice or find a shag or to see what's out there. So your boyfriend is doing one of those three things. Not acceptable if supposedly in a committed relationship imho....

I'd be inclined to set up a fake profile or get on of your friends to as it might be too painful and snare the pr1ck. His intentions are NOT innocent regardless of what anyone else says.....

+1.


Do indeed setup a fake profile. You'll get a few people saying "ah here you cant do that" - just PC answers.

dublingal80

a couple of years ago a friend of mine was on bebo - stunning girl... and somehow, i dont know how, she found someone else had set up a profile using her own pic that she had on her profile! very strange, so she deleted her account and reported it .... there are strange people out there

LegacyUser

SarahSassy wrote: »

Thats not good enough.... He is putting himself out there and showing his GF no respect. In all these 'innocent' cases where they are just wanting to be liked I would estimate 95% of them are hedging their bets and trying to replace gf no1 with gf no 2.

Get rid.

Plus its not fair to the genuine girls on the site they are stringing along....

agree with that, however it's also not fair on the genuine guys who are single and trying to actually meet someone nice! p*sses me off no end that there's so many dicks out there, just makes it so much harder.

Most girls I've talked to on-line are just incredibly cynical and wary about the whole thing, don't blame them. Only been on the thing a month and already starting to feel the same.

People who are not single have basically ruined the whole idea of online dating. Pity as it could be a great alternative to the usual crappy and incredibly random and tedious pub scene :-(