Always left out

LegacyUser

I am a 22 year old girl with a good job, wage and everything about my life seems great from the surface. Trouble is I seem to be always left out with everything in my life involving friends. Take for example my house with two other girls. I thought we were great friends and always got on well. I would have felt a tiny bit left out at times but nothing too serious.
One of the girls has got a new job in another town and the other girl is moving to live with her about half an hour away even though her job is in the town we are living in at present. They don't seem too guilty about this and are looking up houses as we speak. I accept they are better friends but to think it won't upset me a tiny bit is a bit insensitive.

I just think am i that awful that a girl is moving to another town to live even though she could live with me in this town where her job is. I moved to the town I am in now last year and knew nobody only my cousin who, is 27. She knew I didn't have any friends here and my job is such that I can't make friends in it. She never made an effort with me or asked me up to her house and for the whole 5 months in the town she called to my house once. I called up to her house a few times out of boredom but felt I couldn't keep doing it.

My friends seem to be decreasing rapidly over past year or so. I have two friends that I trust and the rest are more people I go out with at night but not text in between this. This time last year, I would have said I have 4 or 5 good friends but I realised after two weeks of not contacting them to see would they get in touch, they would never contact me so I don't consider them great friends. Only people who get in touch if I contact them.

Just I have this feeling that if people were to choose a friend or whatever I would be the last chosen. I think I'm a pretty decent person, friendly, up for fun, I can be trusted and as girl's go I am not that bitchy. Even the two boyfriends I have had in my life have dumped me in the end. I just want to feel wanted if that makes sense. I want to be for once the one not left out, or forgotten about.

I am just deeply unhappy in my life at the moment and am crying writing this. I hate my job so much as I can never get to meet people but I can't leave as the sector I am in has no jobs. I don't like where I am living as I have found it so hard to make friends, and i just dont think i can take moving in with strangers next year for the 3rd yr in a row. I wish there was some way out, something I could do to make me "desirable to others" if that makes sense. I am just stuck in a deeply unhappy place where I feel constantly rejected and I know I deserve better but I can't see any positives to this at all.

LegacyUser

This may be of "some" comfort, but i was in a similar situation at 22 as well. Worse is I had no real work so money was an issue. Other thing similar was at 22 my own friends were moving on and I was stuck in a bedsit and nothing positive around me.

I lost 2 friends within a year also, it was very upsetting to see their decline and even now 17yrs on I think what if I had done something different all 3 of us would have been better off then. It messes with your head for sure and even now I feel a "what if" etc.#

People move, so if the 2 girls leave the house so be it, dont take it so personally. believe me you will move into another circle or pattern as time moves on.

I cant condense what I want too say in this forum so well but take it from me, hold firm!!

What I witnessed "back then" has made me a fighter and self supporting and a company owner. My circle of friends from then are still in their small worlds and same ones looked down their noses at me at 22 and said I wasnt fit to do much. Who won, me in fairness.

Moving flats and so on I also went through a phase of this, I cannot remember how many times I did this.
This will probably wreck your head, but if you have in the town some social thngs organised, go along. I know... wtf. The fear is similar to when I got into a car for first time to drive and it scared the s**t out of me .)

Sorry if this is a rambling story but main thing is hold firm. People are unintentionally nasty sometimes and its not You.. I have been there.. Im sure someone else will give better advise. Beautiful, yes you are..

LegacyUser

Thanks for your words of advice. They are comforting to know someone else was in the same situation. This is just making my confidence collapse and I'm tired of it.
Last night I cried in my bedroom for about two hours because I was so fed up about the whole thing. I am always the one with the problem and the one nothing workd out for. So much so I don't tell my friends as much as I did coz it brings them down as well having to listen to it.
It's just a case of wanting to be the one that people want to live with or want to be friends with coz at the moment it doesn't seem like that.
I have looked at myself and my personality and I know I am a nice person. I see people who are so nasty and they have so much friends, everyone wants them.
Wish there was some way to change this but I get a knock back everytime something is going well in my life and I'm back to square one. Sorry for going on but typing it out has really helped.

Mary Hairy

You are at a stage in life when a lot of things change. New jobs, housemates etc. Things will work out. It is better if you are not anxious about it. Nervousness or being too clingy can transmit itself to other people and they can end up avoiding you. There is no need to cut people out of your life just because they do not call you. Friendships in life move from being ones where you are with your friends for most of your social life to ones where you might only meet very good friends a few times a year.

LegacyUser

Sorry if this is long:

Hi again
Glad to help. A lot of what your feeling is what I discovered , is other people's reflection of their own self pity or worth/ insecurity.

most people put on a "front" so to speak. I guess you also do it but its eating you up inside. Like a black pit you cannot climb out of. I saw exactly the same in my 2 friends who couldnt get out of it.

What i witnessed back then really woke me up and it still has a lasting effect as to how I do business, handle people and so on.
Also the older you get and im not 100 yet, it dosent change. it manifests differently. However now im in control and I see right through people, be it clients or just friends/family.

Thing is you have work, believe me no matter how bad it is, I didnt have that so there were other complications.

If you "ever" see down and out in Beverly Hills, at the beginning is a sketch of the son who leaves a video tape for his father to see and its something like "Dad, this is what I think of you".. Im sure its somewhere on youtube. I can still relate to that clip.. Also the kid in Sesame St whos "doing his own thing".. Bottom line hold firm, some not all people are nasty selfish and self loathing and dump on you. Probably as your nice and perceived as succesful.

your not alone, and its not ALL your fault.
Like I said before, the people who sneered behind my back in 93/4 at that time are in their cocoon jobs having a boss, watching their backs, having affairs and soon to be mid life crises.
Me Im too busy being ME, i do what I want,am free of that and have no boss. I hated having a "job" so I made it myself. i take no s**it from anyone. Its a threat alright to others but gven my past, I am not suprised how I turned out.

Am not asking you to work for yourself, but in terms of how to handle people, take a step back. fuk what others think or dump on you. you have to think of yourself, your hobbys and things you like or could do. Id go bak to being 22 and try to change things to some extent but we dont get a 2nd chance. Also avoid anti depressants and anything that mushes up your brain and perception. I never had any addiction to stuff so what i senses was real, it still is. pity my partner .)) hahah. ie things do work out.

Stay firm, yes you are beautiful, you need to see it from inside only.
Smile .)

LegacyUser

Hey OP,

Im in quite the similar situation as yourself, I'm a 21 guy, I moved away from my home town for 3 months to go on a work placement, and when I came home I found taht all my friends just kinda moved on. I have been home now for the last 3 months, I still hang around with them, but I notice that I need to do all the contacitng to meet up, I dont have any good friends that I can just text and talk normaly to, were in the past I had 3/4.

It has gotten a lot worse recently, were I got a new job so I am working 9-5 hours for the last 3 weeks, and they just dont get in contact with me at all. Last friday I remember ringing them when I was finished work I rang them roughly at 9pm asking if they were going out or what they were doing. And they infromed me that they were at a surprise aprty for one of my other friends(his birthday was in early june) I kinda felt a bit disrespected since none of them told me this was happening even though I am good friends( I thought) with the guys birthday and the people who orginised it. I asked one of the guys who organised it asking how come i never got invited and he told me it was up to me to meet up with them. I kinda felt a bit annoyed with that comment, how can I meet up with them for a party I dont know is happening.

So I am only guessing how you feel OP but I think that i know what yoru going through. Its hard to find out people dont want to be hanging around, were you always need to make the effort. I knew people who i presumed were my best friends making efforts with people that they regulary give out to me about more then they make an effort to me. Its a hard situation to be in, for you with being in the town and hard to make friends due to your job(I may suggest joing a club, or some sort of activity night your intrested in) But I find it hard for myself becuase I find it hard to make new friends, and stick with the crowd of people im fimliar with and now I find myself without any friends.