Problems with condoms

LegacyUser

Hey,
Going unregged for this one as it's embarrassing but I hope someone can give me some advice. First I'll give you a little background info.

I'm 22 and recently, about a month ago, I've been seeing a girl (she's 25). I'm absolutely loving the relationship. We see each other whenever possible and really enjoy each others company. In short, it's lovely.

Prior to meeting this girl I had only slept with two people, one when I was 18 (one night stand) and one when I was 21 (sex just for the sake of it, absolutely no feelings for the girl at all). I have never been in any stable relationship because I have never met any girl that I honestly wanted to get to know and love as much as her. Needless to say that's changed now.

My problem is when it comes to bed. My problem, I think, has something to do with condoms. I don't know what it is but when I put on a condom to have sex it's honestly like a switch gets flicked in my head and I lose my erection. I have no problems with other sexual acts, oral and all the rest of it is better than good. The above has happened three times and honestly I feel like it's destroying me. She has been with more sexual partners than me and I feel useless. She says it's okay and I honestly believe her but it's far from okay in my head. She enjoys oral sex and I can make her orgasm that way but I really want this to happen. It happened the third time last night and I honestly felt like crying, it's ****.

She's the first woman I've had intense feelings for and I think this may be a factor but honestly it's just guess work.

Can anyone give me some advice please? Any help at all will be much appreciated.
Thanks.

petethebrick

You're not alone! Plenty of people lose sensation when it comes to condoms. I hate them myself but have gotten used to them.
My advice:
Get the really thin featherlite condoms.
Practice masturbating while wearing them so you get used to quickly throwing one on etc

LegacyUser

Thanks for the reply. Usually i'll lose my erection even before I get close to her. The reply is appreciated though, maybe if I can get one on quicker it'd help.

Trashbat

Agree Strongly with petethebrick.

Always use featherlite, or other skin thin brands.

Practice makes perfect. Get used to wearing one. So try masturbating with one on.

Also, ensure you are putting them on properly. When i was first sexually active, I had difficulty maintaining with a condom, until i realised I was putting them on slightly wrong, which was effecting me.

Also, Ensure you are using the right size. Without Stroking anyones ego, you might be more suited to a larger condom. Nothing worse than a tight condom for making you lose an erection.

Last but not least, possible a latex allergy causing issue. Try Durex Avanti, they are non latex and they are a little larger also, so more comfortable.

Good luck,

Micahelxcx

You could ask your partner to put the condom on for you. That can be very arousing. Once she has fitted it properly you will be plenty aroused, believe me.

BumbleB

OP its more common than you think.Probably a lot to do with nerves.

Floppybits

OP you are not alone. I had the same problem, the thought of having to put on one would be a passion killer. There is no way around it though you have to get use to wearing one. What I found worked for me was to try all the different types out there to see which ones worked and which ones didn't. Found as other people have mentioned that featherlite worked best but if I use elite they are useless. I also found that if you use ribbed or flavoured ones, I know they helped me because I was excited at trying the different ones and the GF liked it as well asking which ones tonight.

So my advice after all that is experiment with them all see which ones work best for you and for her, and most importantly have fun experimenting. Remember your not the only one.

Best of luck.

Miss Fluff

Try and inocorporate putting it on as part of foreplay. Ask your partner to put it on with her mouth and/or hands.

Also as someone else pointed out, you should masturbate with one so you get used to having one on and being able to cum while wearing one.

I know it is easier said then done but you need to relax. This is only a very temporary problem and it happens to lots of guys if nervous/anxious to impress etc so just slow down and take your time. It is only TEMPORARY.

mariaf24

Why not both get a sexual health check and stop using condoms?
There's a whole range of hormonal and female contraceptives out there.

Nevyn

mariaf24 wrote: »

Why not both get a sexual health check and stop using condoms?
There's a whole range of hormonal and female contraceptives out there.

But not everyone woman can take those and if he doesn't want to risk being a father any time soon for his own peace of mind he's better of using condoms.

mariaf24

Thaedydal wrote: »

But not everyone woman can take those and if he doesn't want to risk being a father any time soon for his own peace of mind he's better of using condoms.

There are non hormonal female contraceptives.

LegacyUser

i had this very same problem and confided in a friend

he told me to try featherlite but that was worse again

i got a larger condom and now it works perfect everytime

the normal sized mustve cut off some blood or something i dunno

Nevyn

mariaf24 wrote: »

There are non hormonal female contraceptives.

Yes there are but there are very few contraceptives for men and the op asked about being able to keep a stiffy why choosing to use condoms not how to go about not using condoms ever again.

Condoms come in a range of sizes it's not one size fits all and wearing the wrong size can have a negative impact.

lynsalot

Hey Thyedal

You know perhaps the OP hadn't considered not wearing one and possibly hasn't had a sexual health check. no harm in not wearing one once you're cautious. It's a personal choice and perhaps a choice the OPs not been presented with previously. No harm in him knowing his options

LegacyUser

OP here.

Thanks so much for all your replies, it's nice to know that I'm completly on my own in this. I know that there are plenty of female contra. but we live in a foreign country and it would be very hard/a hassle to get a hold of them.

I don't want to be a father any time soon either so it's better all round.

I think I just need to relax, particular thanks to Miss Fluff. I think you hit the nail on the head, I just need to relax.

You've all helped to put my mind at ease, thanks.

Nevyn

You are not on your own, this issues comes up now and then in the personal issues forum
and the advice is, relax, check you are using the right size and practice.

kraggy

My advice would be to stay away from Durex. They kill me. Hate them.

I find Comdoni condoms good or even Mates Natural.