What would stop you from getting back with an ex

LegacyUser

Just wondering if you were in love with an ex, what would stop you from getting back with them if they wanted to get back with you.(have not seem each other for 4 years say). I am male by the way

1.Would finace reasons stop you eg she bough a property with large negative equity in it now, if you get together bascially taken on their historical debt
2.She had a child now-single mother, not your child, maybe new ex still on scene for visiation
3.You have slept with a lot of people in the interving years and its a question you dont want to answer if she asks about how much sex you havd since(Sexual exeperience has increased a lot since you last met).
4. You dont want kids while their a good chance she does.
5. She has a lot of emontional/mental issues to deal with.
6. She is mad at you for not getting in touch sooner, even though she drove you out of her lie

Kimia

scullyfox wrote: »

Just wondering if you were in love with an ex, what would stop you from getting back with them if they wanted to get back with you.(have not seem each other for 4 years say). I am male by the way

1.Would finace reasons stop you eg she bough a property with large negative equity in it now, if you get together bascially taken on their historical debt
2.She had a child now-single mother, not your child, maybe new ex still on scene for visiation
3.You have slept with a lot of people in the interving years and its a question you dont want to answer if she asks about how much sex you havd since(Sexual exeperience has increased a lot since you last met).
4. You dont want kids while their a good chance she does.
5. She has a lot of emontional/mental issues to deal with.
6. She is mad at you for not getting in touch sooner, even though she drove you out of her lie

Not a f*cking hope of it. Sounds doomed to me. Have you no good reasons?

Ickle Magoo

Are you asking us about our lives or is that a roundabout way of saying what's going on in yours?

If you love your ex and want to make a go of it then nothing else really matters. The fact you are finding so many barriers to having a relationship with her would suggest that despite having feelings, you don't actually want to rekindle a relationship.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

If you don't want kids then you two have no long term future considering she has a child.

By getting back with her you wouldn't be taking on her negative equity unless you married (I think) but obviously this is not an option as you won't want to be a father to her child.

Funny how the money was you number one issue!

LegacyUser

You forgot

7. Posting 6 negatives points/reasons why I don't really want to get back with her.

OP, if you really wanted to get back with her, if you were really in love with her (as she is now, with child et al), you wouldn't be posting 6 reasons why you don't want to get back with her.

Wibbs

scullyfox wrote: »

1.Would finace reasons stop you eg she bough a property with large negative equity in it now, if you get together bascially taken on their historical debt

Well you don't have to share the debt. You could keep your existing finances separate and any new financial stuff jointly. Giving each other a dig out with bills etc when that comes up is part of a partnership IMHO anyway

2.She had a child now-single mother, not your child, maybe new ex still on scene for visiation

That would be an instant dealbreaker for me personally. That is just me though and I know of others where its not been an issue.

3.You have slept with a lot of people in the interving years and its a question you dont want to answer if she asks about how much sex you havd since(Sexual exeperience has increased a lot since you last met).

Then dont tell her. Keep it vague. Many people do. The old cliche of men exaggerate, women deny. Not a big issue I reckon.

4. You dont want kids while their a good chance she does.

Another dealbreaker. For her this time. If you dont want kids, yet she already has one? And you dont want anymore? Game over right there I would have thought?

5. She has a lot of emontional/mental issues to deal with.

Everyone has some, and everyone has different tolerance levels too, so its down to how big a deal this is for you.

6. She is mad at you for not getting in touch sooner, even though she drove you out of her lie

That would be another red flag for me. She scrapes you off and now she blames you for this? Doesnt bode well for the future I would have thought. Anyone who looks for others to blame or save them are a pain. The biggest pain of all to their partners.

I think though nos 2 and 4 are the biggest issues of all. I mean you dont want kids which is your choice, but the woman already has a child, how are you going to be a factor in their lives? And you will be if you're serious with the childs mum. And she wants more?

athlone M

I think you have answered your question in the list of reasons why you wouldn't get back with her.
Rem an ex is an ex for a reason.

Exclamation Marc

If you've to post these issues or points that you have with getting back with her, then clearly you are not 100% that its what you want.

Clearly she has a lot of baggage with her (kid, debt, mental/personal issues) , so it would be massively unfair and just a d!ck move to just swoop in, and if its not working in a month, leave again, because, whilst you may not have anything to lose from it, she clearly does (even on mental/emotional issues because if youre posting about them, they're clearly not the everyday issues we all have).

With all this baggage (awful word, but I hope you know what I mean), you would need to be nothing short of 100% that you want to get back with her and that you are going to stick around (I don't mean forever, I just mean long-term), and by posting these issues on boards, you clearly aren't 100%.

Also, if you haven't seen the person in 4 years, things will certainly not be the same. And from a personal point of view, I couldn't see how any feelings towards someone you haven't seen in 4 years aren't borne either out of missing a relationship that was once good or desperation in terms of wanting to be with someone who you know could possibly be a viable partner (I don't mean that in a disparaging way towards you, I just mean that wanting something with someone from 4 years ago seems more like weighing up potential partners to quell a lonely feeling, as opposed to just suddenly waking up and realising you are head over heels with someone from a very long time ago)

If this was me, I would stay well away. There's a reason we call them ex-girlfriends

Either way, good luck.

Peggypeg

scullyfox wrote: »

Just wondering if you were in love with an ex, what would stop you from getting back with them if they wanted to get back with you.(have not seem each other for 4 years say). I am male by the way

1.Would finace reasons stop you eg she bough a property with large negative equity in it now, if you get together bascially taken on their historical debt
2.She had a child now-single mother, not your child, maybe new ex still on scene for visiation
3.You have slept with a lot of people in the interving years and its a question you dont want to answer if she asks about how much sex you havd since(Sexual exeperience has increased a lot since you last met).
4. You dont want kids while their a good chance she does.
5. She has a lot of emontional/mental issues to deal with.
6. She is mad at you for not getting in touch sooner, even though she drove you out of her lie

Hey OP,

I'm a girl so I'm imagining all the she's as he's. Even if I was head over heels in love there is not a hope in hell that I'd get with someone with a list of baggage that long. To be honest though no.2 would be the dealbreaker, followed closely by number 5 and 6 and then 1. I mean come on now surely you can find someone better than that, she sounds more like a headache than a potential life partner. So all in all, I do believe I'd rather rub rock salt into my eyes that get with someone like you've described. HMMMM I wonder am I being clear enough

Best of luck.