Exsonasty

LegacyUser

Keep this brief. Called to my ex quiet late the other night he was only home and still awake to collect some stuff. He was not happy with me and left stuff outside the door. I had a lot to drink as had been upset over breakup. I knocked at door and asked to talk to him, with his he screamed blue murder at me and slammed the door at this stage I was roaring crying and he came out and told me to shut the f up and get off his property. I'm not justifying my actions but I'm devastated by the way he treated me and it really has me down. I knocked a couple of times as I needed him to ring me a taxi and he said to f off and walk down town and get one and if I didn't get off his property he'd call the guards I managed to arrange a taxi and sat on the window sill waiting for it with this he came out screaming refused to let me wait there for a taxi told me I was a f***n tramp and to get off his property. I can't get my head round how he could be so nasty to me, granted he was not happy but i'd told him I was going up to get my stuff and as he'd decided to leave them in the garden I couldn't very well leave them until the next day. Do you think he was right and maybe I have lost the plot.

LegacyUser

Why did you two break up, if you don't mind me asking?

Just might give a better understanding of why he could be behaving like that...

LeixlipRed

The way he acted seems fairly excessive alright. However I'd question the judgement call that led you to call over after having a lot to drink.

LegacyUser

His reaction was disgusting, but you're not helping things by turning up at his house drunk demanding to talk to him, and then asking him to ring a taxi for you. Do you not have a mobile phone? How did you get to his house? Surely you could have made your way home yourself without looking for his assistance? He doesn't want to talk to you, so don't try to talk to him.
Exit the relationship with grace instead of turning up at his house late at night, drunk and looking to talk to him.

Kiera

Calling over after having a drink was a terrible idea.

He seems to be pretty pissed off with you. What was the reason for the break up?

Sanjuro

Sounds like a pretty extreme way to react, I will admit. However, I have the feeling we're not getting the full story here. What reason would he have to act this way? If it were out of the blue, I'd say it's incredibly irrational and you're well rid of him. But I wouldn't guess that he's treated you badly in the past or else you wouldn't be calling to him. What's gone on previous to this, OP? Is this the first time he's acted like this? Have you ever given him reason to be annoyed at you?

Peggypeg

AmIcrazy wrote: »

Keep this brief. Called to my ex quiet late the other night he was only home and still awake to collect some stuff. He was not happy with me and left stuff outside the door. I had a lot to drink as had been upset over breakup. I knocked at door and asked to talk to him, with his he screamed blue murder at me and slammed the door at this stage I was roaring crying and he came out and told me to shut the f up and get off his property. I'm not justifying my actions but I'm devastated by the way he treated me and it really has me down. I knocked a couple of times as I needed him to ring me a taxi and he said to f off and walk down town and get one and if I didn't get off his property he'd call the guards I managed to arrange a taxi and sat on the window sill waiting for it with this he came out screaming refused to let me wait there for a taxi told me I was a f***n tramp and to get off his property. I can't get my head round how he could be so nasty to me, granted he was not happy but i'd told him I was going up to get my stuff and as he'd decided to leave them in the garden I couldn't very well leave them until the next day. Do you think he was right and maybe I have lost the plot.

To be quite honest with you he told you to f-off 4 bloody times. He could have been upset and the last thing he needed was to deal with you, drunk. It does sound excessive but you don't have a right to impose yourself on someone the way you did. Just leave him alone, that's obviously what he wants.

carmel27

Lots of drink + calling to your exs door late at night = very bad idea.
Its not rocket science. I wouldnt have been too impressed with you either, if I were him. And the fact that you were "roaring crying" probably didnt help your case either, especially if he has neighbours. Count yourself lucky he didnt call the gaurds, and dont ever do it again!

TitoPuente

Think we'd definitely need to hear the history of the relationship to pass judgement on this one. If it all went perfectly well with an amicable, mutual breakup and he acted like that out of nowhere... they yeah, very weird. Although, as has already been said, I feel we're not getting the full story here.

Exclamation Marc

I used to go out with a girl years ago who repeatedly turned up on my doorstep drunk, once when my parents were awake and aware what was going on (the other times I quelled it). And I lost the plot one night and told her in no uncertain terms to fúck off when she turned up at 2 or 3am after a night out (when I was stone cold sober and she was píssed) looking to talk and then to get a lift home. I wasn't nasty but I was quite expressive in my telling her to get lost, as I didn't want my parents involved and to be honest I was incredibly embarassed by this drunk mess turning up at my house. But that was my situation, yours could be different.

One thing I will say is that if one person turns up hammered to anothers house, it can be a nightmare for the sober person. (Imagine if you've ever been to a nightclub sober, but imagine it at your front door) If you just turned up to his house unannounced and really drunk in the middle of the night and your relationship ended on a bad note, then his point of view and actions (whilst deeply unpleasant) may at least have a cause.

There are a lot of variables, the reason you broke up, how late you turned up at this guys house, how drunk you were, who was at his house (parents/friends/etc), what exactly you wanted to talk about etc so its impossible really to get a grasp on who was out of order here, if anyone.

As others have said, it's tough to give an opinion when all the facts aren't there

LegacyUser

He'd been speaking to me up until a few days ago and we had met up spoke about getting back together. He just then stopped talking to me and wouldn't drop my stuff out to me, just been a right asshole. Do you think sending an apology msg is a bad idea I don't want to look like i'm taking full responsibility for things and letting him think well look she knows it's all her fault and to think he's done nothing wrong as he was bang out of order also and could have prevented things getting so messy.

Peggypeg

AmIcrazy wrote: »

He'd been speaking to me up until a few days ago and we had met up spoke about getting back together. He just then stopped talking to me and wouldn't drop my stuff out to me, just been a right asshole. Do you think sending an apology msg is a bad idea I don't want to look like i'm taking full responsibility for things and letting him think well look she knows it's all her fault and to think he's done nothing wrong as he was bang out of order also and could have prevented things getting so messy.

Get a clue!!! He as cut contact with you coz he's moving on, you should do the same. Respect his wishes and leave him alone. It's not up to him to drop your stuff out to you, it wasn't him that made things "so messy", you turned up a drunk mess and he told you to leave him alone and you persisted in "roaring crying" outside his door until he told you to get lost another 3 times. Have a bit of respect for yourself and leave him alone before he has to make a complaint to the Gardaí.

LegacyUser

Get off your high horse and don't judge me you know nothing about me or my relationship I came on here looking for advice. I'm entitled to get my stuff back.

The Recliner

Peggypeg wrote: »

Get a clue!!! He as cut contact with you coz he's moving on, you should do the same. Respect his wishes and leave him alone. It's not up to him to drop your stuff out to you, it wasn't him that made things "so messy", you turned up a drunk mess and he told you to leave him alone and you persisted in "roaring crying" outside his door until he told you to get lost another 3 times. Have a bit of respect for yourself and leave him alone before he has to make a complaint to the Gardaí.

AmIcrazy wrote: »

Get off your high horse and don't judge me you know nothing about me or my relationship I came on here looking for advice. I'm entitled to get my stuff back.

Can we tone it down a notch please

No need to get personal and I don't want to have to lock the thread or ban people

mood

Sorry but I agree with Peggypeg. It wasn't up to him to drop over your stuff. You should have called for it when he was expecting you and not drunk. I can see why you are upset but I can also see how he didn't want you there in that state.

If I were you I wouldn't contact him again, keep busy to take your mind off him and try to move on.

LegacyUser

Fair enough, but he wouldn't even arrange for me to collect my stuff I text him a couple of times I said he could have just dropped them at my house and gave me a text but he wouldn't even have the decency to do that and then he left them outside his house. I would have been there and gone if he had of just rang me a taxi but no he'd rather scream abuse at me.

mood

AmIcrazy wrote: »

Fair enough, but he wouldn't even arrange for me to collect my stuff I text him a couple of times I said he could have just dropped them at my house and gave me a text but he wouldn't even have the decency to do that and then he left them outside his house. I would have been there and gone if he had of just rang me a taxi but no he'd rather scream abuse at me.

There must be more to the story and breakup!

But if you now have you stuff back just move on.
If not get a friend to pick them up.

Don't waste time getting upset over this again.
It will do your head in!

LegacyUser

AmIcrazy wrote: »

Fair enough, but he wouldn't even arrange for me to collect my stuff I text him a couple of times I said he could have just dropped them at my house and gave me a text but he wouldn't even have the decency to do that and then he left them outside his house. I would have been there and gone if he had of just rang me a taxi but no he'd rather scream abuse at me.

People here are telling you to forget about him and move on, yet you still want to talk about it, and discuss the bad things he did. You've completely ignored any advice telling you to move on. You also ignored your ex when he asked you to leave, so I can somewhat understand his reaction when you called to his house.

You've broken up. It's not going to be plain sailing. Stop looking for excuses to get in contact with him, or to paint him in a bad light. It's over, accept it! You could have the gardai on to you if you're not careful.

I don't understand either why you were relying on your ex to get you a taxi. How did you get to his house in the first place?

Denimgirl

Just text him and say right you were bang out of order calling up pissed at his front door at all hours and apologise but tell him also they way he bahaved was way over the top also.explain you know were in the wrong but all the verbal abuse was a bit much,send it then move on!we all learn from our mistakes!

Maguined

AmIcrazy wrote: »

Fair enough, but he wouldn't even arrange for me to collect my stuff I text him a couple of times I said he could have just dropped them at my house and gave me a text but he wouldn't even have the decency to do that and then he left them outside his house. I would have been there and gone if he had of just rang me a taxi but no he'd rather scream abuse at me.

Why should he have to bring your stuff out to you? why could you not show up sober to his house at a reasonable hour to collect your stuff ?

Showing up drunk uninvited to an ex was an extremely poor choice and he was perfectly entitled to tell you to get off his property, you ignored him and hung around his property after being told to leave several times.

You are completely in the wrong here and you still have not answered why you originally broke up?

From his reaction I would guess it was not a pretty break up and he had some reason to be so annoyed by your behaviour.

MissFlitworth

I'm guessing the breakup is pretty recent and raw if you're still at the point where you're getting your stuff back. You can't show up to someones house

-late at night
-drunk
-looking to talk
-emotional & 'roaring crying'
-persistant in staying

and not be annoying even in situations when they went to see you but way, way more so when they really don't want to see you.

Granted screaming abuse at you is awful and shouldn't have been done but you absolutely shouldn't have turned up at his home after drinking and you should have left without knocking on his door over and over asking him to get you a taxi. So while he was really nasty you were being kinda nasty in your own way. Hope you're doing ok, break ups suck

LegacyUser

Maguined wrote: »

Why should he have to bring your stuff out to you? why could you not show up sober to his house at a reasonable hour to collect your stuff ?

Showing up drunk uninvited to an ex was an extremely poor choice and he was perfectly entitled to tell you to get off his property, you ignored him and hung around his property after being told to leave several times.

You are completely in the wrong here and you still have not answered why you originally broke up?

From his reaction I would guess it was not a pretty break up and he had some reason to be so annoyed by your behaviour.

I broke up with him because he of his behaviour actually and we since met up and spoke about getting back together. I didn't want to just show up at his house to collect my stuff, sober/drunk or otherwise, he text me and said he left my stuff outside in a black bag what was I suppose to do leave it there. I only hung around as I was trying to get a way home.

Denimgirl

Any guy that calls his ex girl a tramp i would lose respect straight away for him!if you done the dirt on him and he was deeply hurt i can understand his anger but to just say that to you is not nice.

LegacyUser

Denimgirl wrote: »

Any guy that calls his ex girl a tramp i would lose respect straight away for him!if you done the dirt on him and he was deeply hurt i can understand his anger but to just say that to you is not nice.

I know, my behaviour was ridiculous and i'm absolutely mortified but i've never done anything like this before and hadn't eaten or slept in days so I was all over the place, but I don't think I deserve this. I dont know whether I should txt and apologise or not it will make me feel better and perhaps regain some dignity but I don't want him thinking it's okay the way he behaved.

Denimgirl

Everybody goes a little crazy after a break up in some way or another, I think you should maybe apologise for your own dignity as you say, so he won't be going around saying you were a bunny boiler or something!say you were bang out of order for doing this but his behavious was also over the top,then move on, don't expect a reply from him though but as long as you cleared it for yourself thats the main thing.tbh he does'nt sound like a nice guy anyway speaking to a girl like that, there are nicer ways of handling things!Don't worry about it we all did crazy things that we cringe about it's a lesson learned.look after yourself x

Exclamation Marc

AmIcrazy wrote: »

I know, my behaviour was ridiculous and i'm absolutely mortified but i've never done anything like this before and hadn't eaten or slept in days so I was all over the place, but I don't think I deserve this. I dont know whether I should txt and apologise or not it will make me feel better and perhaps regain some dignity but I don't want him thinking it's okay the way he behaved.

Look being brutally honest. The relationship (dating or friendship) is beyond salvaging. You won't regain any dignity from texting him. He'll probably ignore the text and then you'll be back in a mess wondering whether he got it or if he cares.

Whether you were wrong or he was wrong, any relationship you had/have has been battered and killed by that night. Neither of you have anything to gain from you texting an apology. All you risk doing, is antagonising him more. He had no intention of talking to you then, and he won't now, its unfortunate but you should really be able to see that all texting will do is bring more problems along, either an argument through texts, or ignoring you which will hurt you more.

Let it be.

Denimgirl

She does'nt want to talk with him again!the girl is mortified of what she did! Why not apologise for doing wrong does'nt mean she wants him back!it's for he rown self respect so he won't start mouthing off telling people she was a pycho chic!It's for her own reputation nothing to do with him!

finbarrk

I think you are better off without him anyway. Put it down to an experience.

Exclamation Marc

Denimgirl wrote: »

She does'nt want to talk with him again!the girl is mortified of what she did! Why not apologise for doing wrong does'nt mean she wants him back!it's for he rown self respect so he won't start mouthing off telling people she was a pycho chic!It's for her own reputation nothing to do with him!

How exactly does texting an apology save or in anyway help her reputation, in fact what has it got to do with her "reputation" at all. She shouldn't be doing this to save face in front of other people. Her "reputation" will suffer anyway if she keeps on contacting him. If he's going to mouth off, he's going to do it anyway, all this does is give him something to say along the lines of "what a sap, she's still texting me, thinking I care about an apology". If he's going to be a díck about it and start mouthing off to people, saying sorry is going to do feck all about that.

And what if texting him saying sorry provokes him to go mad again at her, telling her to get lost etc and starts an argument over texts. Then the situation has just been made worse, and she feels worse than she does now. This guy clearly doesn't want anything to do with her, rightly or wrongly, and I'm sure that includes an apology.

As most posters have said, leave it down to experience and just stay well away.

Denimgirl

Well I feel it would make the OP feel better (by her posts the op knows it's over)and least the ex will know she was in a moment of madness and realises her mistake it least seems to bring back her sanity for herself!It's up to her which decision she feels it's right for her!I know If an ex did that to me,and never contacted me to apologise to or even seem he knew it was a crazy thing to do,I would just think he was a nutter,but if he let me know he was hurt drunk and realised it was a crazy thing to do and said sorry.I would least think well at least he apologised and knew it was a wrong thing to do.

LegacyUser

K well I text him to apologise and feel better I have to say. If he doesn't reply that's his business at least I can admit when i'm wrong and hold my hand up.

LittleBook

AmIcrazy wrote: »

I'm entitled to get my stuff back.

Yes you are, but he's not obliged to deal with you anymore. Ask a friend to contact him and mediate the return of your stuff if it's really that important and stay well away from him, for both your sakes.

LegacyUser

LittleBook wrote: »

Yes you are, but he's not obliged to deal with you anymore. Ask a friend to contact him and mediate the return of your stuff if it's really that important and stay well away from him, for both your sakes.

Don't know if you read all the posts, but I got my stuff back he left it out in the garden.

LegacyUser

K need someone to give me perspective as i'm serioulsy losing my mind, stayed in the ex's Friday night we ended up talking and he came out to me Saturday night after work, he gave me probably one of the biggest compliments he's ever given me and then yesterday he left and today he was like leave me alone, I asked him to explain why he acted the way he did at and said the things he did and he started threatning me again. Does no one else think he's sending me mixed msgs or stringing me along or am I 100% wrong here, I just can't make sense of any of it anymore. I know he's been seeing someone else and was in contact with her yesterday when he left me, fair enough he's a single man but why treat me like this.

LegacyUser

I actually am starting to feel quite weary of him, i've no idea what he's capable of.

TitoPuente

Look - just cut him out of your life completely. Problem solved.

LegacyUser

TitoPuente wrote: »

Look - just cut him out of your life completely. Problem solved.

That's a given, I just feel like i'm cracking up, he's totally messing with my head.

The Sweeper

AmIcrazy wrote: »

why treat me like this.

Because you're letting him.

Stop looking for vindication, justification, and closure. You have your bag of stuff. Change your phone number and spend a few nights staying home. Get a manicure or a haircut and spend a few evenings having a bath and reading a book. Get in touch with some old friends you haven't spoken to for a while.

Move on.

What you're doing at the moment is essentially an arse-kicking contest with a hedgehog. You won't win.

LegacyUser

The Sweeper wrote: »

Because you're letting him.

Stop looking for vindication, justification, and closure. You have your bag of stuff. Change your phone number and spend a few nights staying home. Get a manicure or a haircut and spend a few evenings having a bath and reading a book. Get in touch with some old friends you haven't spoken to for a while.

Move on.

What you're doing at the moment is essentially an arse-kicking contest with a hedgehog. You won't win.

Ha, that actually made me smile. I just can't believe the whole big mess.

Denimgirl

AmIcrazy wrote: »

K need someone to give me perspective as i'm serioulsy losing my mind, stayed in the ex's Friday night we ended up talking and he came out to me Saturday night after work, he gave me probably one of the biggest compliments he's ever given me and then yesterday he left and today he was like leave me alone, I asked him to explain why he acted the way he did at and said the things he did and he started threatning me again. Does no one else think he's sending me mixed msgs or stringing me along or am I 100% wrong here, I just can't make sense of any of it anymore. I know he's been seeing someone else and was in contact with her yesterday when he left me, fair enough he's a single man but why treat me like this.

Instead of wondering why he's treating you like this,try having the attitude that your too good to be treated this way and blank him!I got the impression from your previous posts you knew it was over and just wanted to get your stuff back and did'nt want him and wanted make amends from last argument and just go your seperate ways.you obviously want him back and thats a different story staying over nightwith him when you know it's over and he's not willing to get back is a big mistake .your giving him a licence to treat you as he pleases!he sounds like a d*ck anyway from what you have posted about him.question is why are you allowing someone to treat you this way?love yourself first your the most important person in your life!teach people how to treat you!

LegacyUser

Denimgirl wrote: »

Instead of wondering why he's treating you like this,try having the attitude that your too good to be treated this way and blank him!I got the impression from your previous posts you knew it was over and just wanted to get your stuff back and did'nt want him and wanted make amends from last argument and just go your seperate ways.you obviously want him back and thats a different story staying over nightwith him when you know it's over and he's not willing to get back is a big mistake .your giving him a licence to treat you as he pleases!he sounds like a d*ck anyway from what you have posted about him.question is why are you allowing someone to treat you this way?love yourself first your the most important person in your life!teach people how to treat you!

I was in his house all day Saturday and he dropped me home and gave me a kiss goodbye Sat night he told me I was really beautiful, then he just snaps I actually feel like he's a stranger i've never seen him like this.

Denimgirl

Well your gonna have to be strong and not give him the power to treat you this way ,he's not a nice guy,and won't treat you with respect nor any other girl he's with if thats his personality!he's not a catch!stay away from him and don't put yourself in the situation to being a booty call for him! if you do it's nobodys fault but your own, all his sweet talk, ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!it's your life!

Katgurl

Sorry but you're making this mess for yourself OP. It sounds to me like you are refusing to accept its over and you'd rather be caught up in row than disentangle from your ex. He sounds like a man at the end of his tether and you are holding him as an emotional hostage. So what if he told you you were beautiful - he also made contact with his new girl (how do you know this by the way?).

He wants out. Let him go.

I know its tough but you've no choice.

steddyeddy

Op move on forget an apology or anything when a relationship breaks up it is quite angry to be angry at your ex as he was with you (his verbal abuse was not acceptable but still natural). you shouldnt have called over drunk, glad you got your stuff back now its time to forget him.

Exclamation Marc

He's treating you like crap because you're letting him treat you like crap.

He verbally ripped you a new one when you turned up drunk and you came back to him.
You know he's seeing someone else, yet he' still flirting/kssing you, because you let him.
You seem to be completely acting on the basis that he said "you're beautiful", which is "one of the biggest compliments he's ever paid you"

It's only going to get worse unless you just walk away. If you keep going back you'll struggle to find any sympathy, because you're letting this mess get bigger and bigger. You need to take control of your actions, do whats best for you, and distance yourself from him. To answer your question, yes he is stringing you along.

And also you said "he threatened you", yet you're still confused as to what he feels towards you. I've gone seriously sour on my exes in the past, but never once have I threatened them, or even come close. You should get away from that scum before you get more hurt.

Fysh

Let me try and get this straight:

• This whole mess starts when ye split up, because of how he behaves towards you.
• You've left some stuff at his place, and haven't gotten very far with arranging to get it back, when he tells you he's leaving it outside at his place.
• You turn up to his place, drunk, to collect it. Along the way you try to talk to him, get told (rudely) to go away, start crying, try to talk to him again, get told to go away again, try to get him to ring a taxi for you, get told to go away again, manage to make arrangements of your own for a taxi, and manage to get yourself told to go away yet again before finally leaving.
• You wonder whether you should apologise to him for your behaviour, while trying to work out how to point out that you feel he's at least partly to blame.
• You later spend at least most of a day in his company and melt at the slightest hint of a compliment.

Assuming the above is correct.....you're to blame. And not just in the "you turned up pissed at his house and repeatedly ignored what you were being asked to do" sense, but also in the greater sense that if you broke up with him over how he was treating you, why in the name of God are you running around after him like a puppy?

It sounds like your relationship has way too much drama to be healthy. Cut your losses and wait until you've found someone who'll treat you with respect (and who you can treat with equal respect). Spend some time enjoying single life in the meantime, it sounds like you're far too concerned about what this guy and other people in general think of you.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone x