I have a gambling problem

Bad Gambler

I have a gambling problem. There, thats it. I have said it. For the first time in my life I have admitted it. It feels like a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders just getting it out. I want to say it out load, I want to shout it. But I cant because I am at work.

I will never go to gamblers anonymous or admit it in public. That would ruin me. My wife doesnt know and I would never tell her. That would be it finished. I must keep it a secret. I need to beat it. But I need to gamble to find that winning streak so that I can clear some of my credit cards. Sounds sad, I bet. That was a pun I didnt intend.

I have known this for a while now. Quite a long while, but I cannot stop. I am 32 years of age, married and have a decent job. Yet I am skint. My wife is out of work. I want to go on holidays but cant afford it due to having to repay credit card debts. I have been gambling since I was about 15. Dorans Pride at Cheltenham was won of my earlier memories. But looking back further to when I was 8 or 10 I can remember playing the slot machines on the boat to France. I guess it has always been in me.

In total, I have
American Express Maxed at 2k
Tesco Mastercard Maxed at 2k
AIB VISA Maxed at 2k
Overdrawn 4.5k in one account
Overdrawn 2k in another account.

I have about a fiver in my pocket, but get paid again on Friday. I am looking forward to pay day so that I can have a bet. I can remember the times when I have been on a roll and won 5k in a week. How I badly need one of those weeks now.

It hurts alot, because I picked out Graham McDowell as my bet for the US Open. He was 80/1. But I messed the price as the round had already started and he was only 45/1. So I put my 100 euros a different player who I had concluded was better value at that time. He came nowhere, I watched in agony as McDowell won.

The same thing happened a few years ago, when I tried to put 300 on Villegas at 14/1. Was out or something so missed it. He it -8 first round and the price was gone. He won. That would have paid off my credit card there and then, which would have been swiftly closed. I dont want a credit card. I want to pay them off and close them all.
The only was I can see this happening is to have a few winning bets.

Whats my name? I cant tell you that. Perhaps I need to write a book. I wonder would it be a best seller. Perhaps I could replay my debts this way. I was never innterested in English at school, I was more a maths kind of guy. But I am quite enjoying writing this, it is quite liberating. Perhaps I will write more some day. Just call me Dave for now.

The Recliner

Moved from the Gambling forum as it isn't really suited to this type of thing

Have you tried looking at www.gamblersanonymous.ie

ForzaKid

Honesty is the best policy,Tell her,If she loves you she will help you if not she will run....Quit gambling until you can afford to do so and keep paying off those debts that you brought upon yourself.You made your bed so you better lie in it!!

tbh

Dave lad - if you think you can beat this on your own, without telling anyone, you're only codding yourself.

You have two outcomes. You're either going to die a gambler (hopefully years from now) - debt-laden, probably divorced, still looking for that big win, or your going to die an ex-gambler, debts paid off.

if you want to be an ex-gambler, you have to put the work in, no matter what you tell yourself, there are no short-cuts. The sooner you begin that work, the sooner it'll be finished.

totally up to you mate, I wish you well, but if you think that all you need is one big win and then you'll quit, you're delusional.

unattendedbag

All problem gamblers think that the next bet will get them out of trouble. Its a constant pattern. The only way to recover from this mess is to stop gambling altogether.

I used to work in the gambling industry and seen many problem gamblers come and go with even worse stores than yourself. Ive even been on courses to give help and advice to problem gamblers so I do have an insight to what you are suffering. Your realistic solution to wipe your debts is as follows. Contact all your online and phone bookmakers that you use and close your accounts. Mention that you are struggling financially. If you regularly use bookmaker shops then give them a photo of yourself and bar yourself from their shops. They will not judge you one bit as they have seen it before from many other people. It shouldnt take more than 2 years to erase the 12,500 debt you mentioned. But for god sake please dont fool yourself by thinking you can bet your way out of it. Its an illusion and your debt will just grow.

Try and watch sport for its entertainment value instead of the betting aspect. Dont be betting on high school basketball to try and make a few bob because it just wont work. If you get into the mindset that placing a bet on a market will influene it'll make things easier. For instance, if you put a €100 on france to beat mexico then mexico will win. Simply becasue you bet on it.

Id really recommend you to contact Gamblers annoymous or GAMCARE. http://www.gamcare.org.uk/ www.gamblersanonymous.ie You dont have to attend any meeting or counselling sessions if you dont want to. even email them or chat to them on the phone can do a world of good for you and try to change the mindset you are in.

Best of luck.

Esoteric_

Dave, I haven't had a gambling problem but I'm speaking as a victim of a father that had.

You will NOT get better alone. You need support, be it online or through meetings like GA.

My dad stopped gambling for about 17 years, and at one point we were 4 days from losing our home and he'd been done for robbing. that's how desperate he got. We've been left with literally no food on the table, no nappies for the babies, nothing. You don't want to do this to your wife because mate, I can guarantee if you don't try to beat this, you will lose her.

Your wife presumably loves you. By telling her, it'd be an incentive for you to get help and get better. By not telling anyone in real life about this, you're giving yourself a reason to fail. When nobody knows, nobody gets hurt so you can do it as much as you want. But when you tell somebody, you leave yourself open to hurting that person, which is something that will help you stop gambling.

At the end of the day, nothing we say will force you to seek help but I'm being blunt when I say you can't do this alone. You will lose everything you have if you don't seek help straight away. Take it from somebody who's lived with a gambler for more years than I'd like to count.

LegacyUser

Bad Gambler wrote: »

I
In total, I have
American Express Maxed at 2k
Tesco Mastercard Maxed at 2k
AIB VISA Maxed at 2k
Overdrawn 4.5k in one account
Overdrawn 2k in another account.

I have about a fiver in my pocket, but get paid again on Friday. I am looking forward to pay day so that I can have a bet.

What happens on Saturday or Sunday when you are down to a fiver again???? Even if you did win, do you honestly think that you are going to pay off your debts, I doubt it, you will probably bet your winnings on the hope that you will win bigger and then you will be back to square one? It’s a vicious circle and one that you have to want to get out of.

I hate to be the one to tell you this, but after being addicted for so long you can’t do this on your own. Gamblers Anonymous is a great place to start; no one cares what your back ground is, all they care about is helping and supporting you.

You need to tell your wife, but maybe go to GA first and get some help for you which will gradually give you the courage to tell her.

Someone once said to me “he may love and want you but he loves and wants the gambling more” I was willing and ready to help, he just wasn't and ready to try.

From what I have read in your post you are not ready to stop; until you are truly and honestly ready to stop no one can help you.

myflipflops

Bad Gambler wrote: »

I will never go to gamblers anonymous or admit it in public..

If you don't want to seek help then try this.

Contact every bookmaker you have an account with or you may have an account with and inform them you have a problem. Under the terms of their licences, they are all obliged to go to every reasonable length to stop you gambling with them again. They will permanently close your account and will never accept another with your details. The bigger chains will do their best to stop you betting in their shops.

If you don't want to seek help (which is something you 100% really should do) then at least cut off the temptation as much as possible. You will be surprised at how helpful companies will be because there are explicit conditions in their licenses to stop problm gambling.

LegacyUser

It takes alot to try and get away from the train of thought of everything being an opportunity to make money. The only way you will be able to beat this problem and clear youe debts is tell your wife the situation and start fresh. Give her all your money so you dont have the chance to gamble and if you gave GA a thought if anything it kills the time you would spend gambling.

I am in a similar situation as you but I have been trying to get sorted for the last while and it is going ok. But believe me its tough to keep disaplined but its easier when people are helping you.

My advice, if you want to have any sort of a future you need to tell someone who can help you and forget about what people might think

Nulty

Mate, just about every gambler has been at least close to where you are. I have, in relative terms...I'm still paying off 8k I lost on Betfair (Its a nasty place to get hooked!, especially in running.)

I still have a gamble but I limit my self to a very small amount. I'm paying off my debts and gambling at the same time but I've got it under control. I fessed up to my nearest and dearest about my problem and they were very understanding. I'm sure your wife will be too. If she has any sense at all she knows theres something wrong with you and she may be glad to hear that its something she can help you with and something that can be solved with relative ease...lets not forget, nobody died and you've still got the most important things in your life - your family.

You MUST write off your gambling debts! As just that - debts. They are not recoverable in the state you likely find yourself. ~Your judgement is impaired by the huge weight of guilt and financial pressure your under right now. You NEED to relieve that pressure by distancing your self from gambling and getting closer to your family. It will make things SO much better - trust me.

I wish you well and hope you take the advice offered to you. I don't know your wife so I don't know how she'll react but you need to come clean - it's not something that you can ignore or try fix on your own. Fess up and fix it.

Best wishes.

LighterGuy

The best way to get rid of a gambling problem, just like any other addication is to subsistute the mental addication. Far many people just say "quit!" ... thats not the answer with some people. We're all human. We can get bored or fall back into something.

I know of someone who liked to play poker. Lost money stupidly. Wasnt that good at it (his words) what did he do? he started to run his own tournaments. He originally played poker cause he liked it and for financial gain/to win. He failed. He ran poker tournaments in pubs (playing in them too, cause he likes the game) .... what does he get? he gets financial gain (from running them) and he doesnt loose his B*llocks anymore.


Op,
Subsistute your gambling with something that either matches it or something you want to do. You'll be channeling things.

As crazy as it sounds you said write a book? ... I say write a book
You would be channeling your addication into something else. However, just try not to get a bigger craving to gambling from writing

Bad Gambler

Thank you all for your kind and thoughful words. They are certainly worth taking on board. I want to listen, and I want to act on them. The advice is appreciated but I write this as I am in a hotel for the night on a work trip and killing the time playing £1/£2 stakes on Betdaq Poker ;-)

Am I playing for fun, or to make money??....in all honest its probably a bit of both really, so that I can bet on Spain to beat Portugal tomoro. Its a sad state of affairs, but thats where I am.

Stu

If you want to make money gambling then you need to take "the gamble" out of things and place bets base on calculated risk. This takes a good system, incredible discipline and good money management. If you are anyway impulsive or emotional when betting then you will always lose money longterm.

If you are a gambler who bets for a buzz or is addicted then you need to get professional help. You appear to be the latter but there are cases of failed gamblers eventually changing their betting habits and making it pay but they are few and far between.

dan_d

Em, I get the impression that you think you've now said it so that's half the battle and you can go back to gambling.
You're wrong. And I don't think from your posts that you really want to give it up.
You need to tell your wife for starters. And tbh, I wouldn't be surprised if she has an idea that something's not right already. And you will not beat this by yourself, you need to get help.
Sorry to play devil's advocate, but that's how you're coming across.

LegacyUser

@Stu, I have a feeling that he is not gambling to make money, well not in the way you mean. Everyone gambles to make money, that’s where the buzz comes from that the next bet will be the one!! And even if he is gambling to make money as you suggested, he has a gambling problem so he has to STOP and he has to stop all kind of gambling from bookies to on-line to a fiver bet with his mates. No lotto, no scratch cards, no €\£ bets with anyone for anything

OP, you have admitted that you have a gambling problem but you are unwilling to do anything about it. That’s like telling people that you have a life threatening illness but not doing anything about it, telling people doesn’t make it better or go away.

Imhof Tank

If you want a glimpse of what the future has in store (unless you make drastic changes now) you should read The Gambler by Dostoyevsky

You probably need to hit rock bottom before you are ready to address this issue properly - you are nowhere near rock bottom by the sounds of your posts - thinking about punting your way out of the hole you are currently in.

Handsome Bob

I think LyndaMcL and LighterGuy have hit the nail on the head.

OP, first thing you have to do is force yourself into admitting your problem to your nearest and dearest. I hate to say it but the only way to kick this addiction is to shame yourself into changing. By keeping it to yourself you are in a form of denial, as long as you keep it to yourself you'll delude yourself into thinking that the "big winner" will eventually come and solve your problems. It's never going to happen, and in the likely event that it did, you'd probably find yourself in considerable debt again in no time. Why? Because you have a problem. Tell your brothers, sisters, parents, wife, best mates....anyone. Once they know how much you have royally effed up, because lets face it OP you have, you will find it a lot harder to stay in denial.

Secondly, as LighterGuy said, you need to replace the gambling with another hobbie to keep your mind off of the gambling. While I would be reluctant to tell you to do exactly what LighterGuy said because I think the temptation would always be there, I really think you need to find something else that you have a passion for. It won't work if you spend your free time twiddling your thumbs while you "feel that you should be gambling".

Finally, close all online accounts, jesus christ close them. You'd be surprised at how many gambling addictions start from the comfort of your very own computer.

I wish you nothing but luck OP.