What do you think? Lads opinions appreciated!

LegacyUser

I've been seeing a lad lately and thought all was going well. We had been out a few times and always had a great night. I sent him a text last week and we texted for a while that evening and he was talking about the next time we go out but I haven't heard from him since!

Now, there seems to be a pattern here. I am quite shy and when I meet someone it is always them who initiate contact ask me out and all the rest. As soon as I start to initiate contact it seem to be the start of the end in that I hear from them less and less or in the above example not at all. All is always ok until I initiate contact.

Could this be because the type of guy who would go for a shy girl wants to do the chasing and are put off by me texting/calling? Obviously it's a pattern I want to break so any insight/advice appreciated particularly for the lads.

unattendedbag

Generally if a guy really wants to see you again or is really into you then he will make it known and be in constant contact with you in the early stages of a realationship. If you probe him and follow it up and he doenst seem interested then its an indication he's not really bothered. Its hard to know what type of a guy he really is and im sure you dont know what he's really like either so we cant say for sure if his behaviour is normal. If he is really interested in you but is pretty laid back and never texts or calls much then you gott ask yourself if you'd be happy with a guy like this. Some people are anr some people aren't

On another note, and i not implying anything at all, but how much do you contact him with texts or calls? How many times daily? Ive met girls who I really like but would never bloody stop texting me and send about 30 mssages a day or more. Some guys find this really irritating.

LegacyUser

I know he just isn't interested. But this is not just about him. It's about the pattern. With about five guys over the past few years every time I take the initiative and initiate contact they loose interest, when up until then they seemed very keen. And I'm not OTT with calls/texts. I only text him once last week and he replied but hasn't contacted me since.

Undecidedsofar

break the pattern wrote: »

I've been seeing a lad lately and thought all was going well. We had been out a few times and always had a great night. I sent him a text last week and we texted for a while that evening and he was talking about the next time we go out but I haven't heard from him since!

Now, there seems to be a pattern here. I am quite shy and when I meet someone it is always them who initiate contact ask me out and all the rest. As soon as I start to initiate contact it seem to be the start of the end in that I hear from them less and less or in the above example not at all. All is always ok until I initiate contact.

Could this be because the type of guy who would go for a shy girl wants to do the chasing and are put off by me texting/calling? Obviously it's a pattern I want to break so any insight/advice appreciated particularly for the lads.

You need to know who you are firstly. Is this the type of person you'd really like to be with?

As I bloke i am learning this too and it is tough but a few hours of self discovery will tell you a lot more about the person yopu want than chasing someopne who may not be interested.

Firstly satisfy yourself.

Kimia

Ok so you know he's not into you. That's his problem. When you find the right person you'll realise that all that texting nonsense is just a load of crap. He'll reply to your texts, he'll call you, he'll be excited about seeing you, and you'll be the same.

Unless you were acting crazy texting each guy 15 times a day and turning stalkery I think you're grand the way you are, it just so happens that you haven't met the right person yet.

LegacyUser

Kimia wrote: »

Ok so you know he's not into you. That's his problem. When you find the right person you'll realise that all that texting nonsense is just a load of crap. He'll reply to your texts, he'll call you, he'll be excited about seeing you, and you'll be the same.

Unless you were acting crazy texting each guy 15 times a day and turning stalkery I think you're grand the way you are, it just so happens that you haven't met the right person yet.

He did reply to the text but hasn't initiated contact since. Before that night he was very keen, excited about meeting, planning another night out then nothing after I initiated contact! I certainly didn't say or do anything that would make he think WTF ie bombard him with texts/calls/declare undying love.

When I think about guys in my past there really is a pattern of them loosing interest as soon as I initiated contact. This is obviously a pattern I want to break but don't think I did anything to scare/put him off!

sarmer

Hi Op

I couldve written the exact same thing! I have the same problem. As soon as I start to initiate contact, every guy loses interest!

Generally when I start seeing someone, Ill let him do the chasing for the first few dates and then I feel like I should make some of the effort to show that I'm interested - I defo don't bombard with texts, I just initiate texting occasionally like every few days or whatever. Its what guys say they expect generally but in practice it seems to scare them off!!

The last guy I dated was totally like this. He even made some comment about me calling him - I was so shocked when he said this as I literally had phoned him twice in the previous 2 weeks, both times returning his call (and this was after 3 months of dating!) He was american though and from a really rural area so I think he had backward ideas about things!!

So anyway, I don't have advice, I just wanted to let you know I'm in the same boat. I'm quite shy too (not with my friends but with guys) so I think maybe that guys that go for shy girls expect to do the chasing themselves.

It's funny though, guys give out about girls playing games etc, guys are just as bad if not worse!!

LegacyUser

I don't play games at all. But this is really going to put me off initiating contact with a guy in the future. I am shy but am trying to work on that hince forcing myself to text/call a guy I'm seeing.

Sebastien De Valmont

It is up the guy to make all the moves.

A girl shouldn't have to do anything except get on with her life if he doesn't call or text her.

If he doesn't make contact forget about him.

Morphie

break the pattern wrote: »

I've been seeing a lad lately and thought all was going well. We had been out a few times and always had a great night. I sent him a text last week and we texted for a while that evening and he was talking about the next time we go out but I haven't heard from him since!

Now, there seems to be a pattern here. I am quite shy and when I meet someone it is always them who initiate contact ask me out and all the rest. As soon as I start to initiate contact it seem to be the start of the end in that I hear from them less and less or in the above example not at all. All is always ok until I initiate contact.

Could this be because the type of guy who would go for a shy girl wants to do the chasing and are put off by me texting/calling? Obviously it's a pattern I want to break so any insight/advice appreciated particularly for the lads.

Did you sleep with them? Sleeping with a guy too early with encourage him to move on since he got the "prize". Since I don't know if you did, I can't really know how to answer it best.

If you didn't sleep with them, then it's quite odd.

Reasons why I wouldn't contact a women after having been on a great date with her:

- She was dull.
- Figured we were not going to be compatible, not enough intellect.
- She was hideous.
- She slept with me within a month.
- I met someone who doesn't have any of the above.

LegacyUser

Morphie wrote: »

Did you sleep with them? Sleeping with a guy too early with encourage him to move on since he got the "prize". Since I don't know if you did, I can't really know how to answer it best.

If you didn't sleep with them, then it's quite odd.

Reasons why I wouldn't contact a women after having been on a great date with her:

- She was dull.
- Figured we were not going to be compatible, not enough intellect.
- She was hideous.
- She slept with me within a month.
- I met someone who doesn't have any of the above.

No, it wasn't a case of sleeping with them too quickly.

If they thought I was dull why was there a second, third, fourth etc dates!

I they thought I was hideous why was there a second, third, fourth etc dates!

The only patters is me initiated contact!

shellyboo

So, when he replied, did you text him back?

Doesn't really matter, though. As Kimia says, when someone you like texts you, you reply right away. Not replying or waiting to reply doesn't even cross your mind.

There is no pattern, I think you're projecting and grasping at straws tbh. There's no magic formula to bagging a man -- text x, don't text y, wait z minutes before replying -- if it's there, it's there. If it's not... Shrug it off, move on.

LegacyUser

shellyboo wrote: »

So, when he replied, did you text him back?

Doesn't really matter, though. As Kimia says, when someone you like texts you, you reply right away. Not replying or waiting to reply doesn't even cross your mind.

There is no pattern, I think you're projecting and grasping at straws tbh. There's no magic formula to bagging a man -- text x, don't text y, wait z minutes before replying -- if it's there, it's there. If it's not... Shrug it off, move on.

Of course I texted him back.

If I went into more detail would would see the pattern but I just couldn't be bothered at this stage. Ever a couple of friends have spotted it without me saying a word!

I don't wait x amount of minutes etc before texting a guy back or any of that game playing so you can't blame it on that.