Stressed about going to festival with... thinking of backing out, am I over reacting

doireann08

Hi there

Just want your advise on something. I am due to go to a festival this weekend with a group of 6 of us.

To cut a long story short I know 2 of the people going. One girl L, I know for a few years and we get on well. The other girl M I met about a year and a half ago through L.

However alarm bells are beginning to ring for me about M. We always have great craic when we meet up ( have met her about 5 times) M and I went to a festival ( just the two of us ) a couple of weeks ago and this is when the alarm bells started.

I drove down ( M can drive, but hates driving). At the festival M pretty much wanted her own way all the time. To give you one example, we stayed listening to a band she liked for ages, then she wanted to listen to the next band, but wouldn't come with me to listen to any bands that I was interested in.

The end result being that I felt stressed out and didn't enjoy the festival as much as I felt I had to battle to go do anything I wanted.....

Which brings me on the current situation.
The festival this weekend is a 4 hr drive from Dublin and M is pretty much expecting me to drive. I do not want to drive as I have to work on Friday/ Monday ( the rest are off on Monday) and it is too far to drive plus I don't feel like driving back to Dublin on Sunday with a hangover. She is not only expecting me to drive her but also her friends!!!!!!!

M's attitude is very relaxed, i.e we'll sort accommodation when we are there, don't worry about tickets etc etc. I was supposed to go to another festival last weekend but didn't. Reason being is that I felt it was her turn to drive, she wouldn't and kept asking and asking me to drive.

I don't mind driving if people take it in turns. I don't feel like being the "festival taxi service"

Anyway I contacted L to see what she is doing about transport and she is getting early bus Friday afternoon. I can only leave after work Friday. Also M's friend has arranged an apartment and ticket deal and we are all supposed to individually pay in advance. I have asked them for details so I can ring and pay also.

To be honest I would love to go but I guess I feel anxious that it will be more trouble than its worth. How do you think I should handle this situation or gracefully back out of going

Sanjuro

Hey OP. To be honest, I think you're putting an awful lot of pressure on yourself to perform to please someone else. Sometimes the best times are the ones that aren't planned to the letter. Just let yourself go a bit and have fun. You don't have to be at the beck and call of this other girl. Sure, you're going down with a group, and she is one of your 'keys.' But don't be afraid to be a bit selfish. If you don't want to drive, don't. If she gets annoyed at that, well then she's not much of a friend. Myself and my friends are always bickering about driving. But it's usually 'no, it's my turn! I really don't mind!' But if someone doesn't feel up to it, it's never an issue. And it never should be an issue.

Anyway, sorry for rambling a bit. At the end of the day, it's your weekend to have fun too. If there's a band you want to see, go yourself. Or better yet, ask one of the other girls in the group if they'd like to accompany you. You never know. You could make a new best friend! Relax, have fun, and don't be afraid to say no.

stinkle

if you want to go then by all means go. would getting the bus on your own be a problem? if L is already there then she could meet you. I think the not wanting to drive with a hangover excuse is perfect for you to use, and you dont have to elaborate too much. certainly DONT risk driving with a hangover or if you haven't slept well the night before. it's just common sense and if M has a problem she might not be a friend you want to keep.

i had a "friend" like that years ago, did the exact same thing at a festival, i.e. only went to see bands that she wanted and put the foot down when i mentioned who I wanted to go and see. its really annoying. unfortunately she wasnt much of a friend really and was a complete user. it might be the case that youre being used for your willingness to drive.

If there's a gang of you then the band thing will probably not be such an issue if you split up into smaller groups, assuming the others going are music fans. there's nothing wrong with being assertive either and just leaving to see a band you want to see. just pick a meeting point to catch up at later. There;s no rule that says if you all go to a festival that you have to live in each other's pockets. Im assuming you;re late teens/early 20s and a gang of girls. being on your own isnt fun and can be scary but just keep your wits about you if you do end up alone, and certainly go and see the bands you want, when you want. I've found over time that people respect you more when you suit yourself!!! and remember, you cant please everyone all the time so if youve paid good money to go to an event then make sure to please yourself

ensure the accommodation thing is all ok before you go. this girl doesnt sound very reliable (hope Im wrong!) and if shes anyway like my "friend" she might fall out with you over the not driving and exclude you from the accommodation plans. my advice is sort out something with L first in case things go wrong. can you camp at the festival? maybe bring a tent just in case!

doireann08

thanks everyone

Stickle, M is very unreliable I have no idea where the accommodation is or don't even have a phone number to ring so I can pay and arrange picking up keys etc etc. I have asked her several times for the number

M doesn't just accept no for an answer either. When I explained that I had too much on my plate workwise for the festival last weekend. She kept pushing and pushing to me to go. AAAARRRRGH.

One of her friends ( who I have never met) asked me outright for a lift on the phone!! I was talking to M and she put the friend on the phone

I texted L to see if she had the number etc, but I haven't heard back from her yet.

stinkle

oops jsut read how both replies are similar

ok if M is that unreliable then do look into sorting you own accommodation. if its somewhere different to her accom and she gets weird about it then nothing wrong with pointing out that she dragged her heels about it so you sorted it yourself. you can always look into a big hostel room or something for the whole lot of you - just take charge of the situation and if they dont like it then suit yourself. Sanjuro's right that you don't need to plan every last detail, but don't depend on other people to sort you out, nor should you risk doing anything dangerous like drive if you aren't up to it.

the lack of a phone number for the accom sounds dodgy.find a different bed/tent for the night and a way to get to and from there. im sure if you meet up with everyone it'll be great fun, but you can be your own person too. might be worth sounding out L's opinion of this friend of hers....she might have introduced the two of you to get her off her back!

doireann08

stinkle wrote: »

oops jsut read how both replies are similar

ok if M is that unreliable then do look into sorting you own accommodation. if its somewhere different to her accom and she gets weird about it then nothing wrong with pointing out that she dragged her heels about it so you sorted it yourself. you can always look into a big hostel room or something for the whole lot of you - just take charge of the situation and if they dont like it then suit yourself. Sanjuro's right that you don't need to plan every last detail, but don't depend on other people to sort you out, nor should you risk doing anything dangerous like drive if you aren't up to it.

the lack of a phone number for the accom sounds dodgy.find a different bed/tent for the night and a way to get to and from there. im sure if you meet up with everyone it'll be great fun, but you can be your own person too. might be worth sounding out L's opinion of this friend of hers....she might have introduced the two of you to get her off her back!

Thanks Stickle. I would trust L and she did say to me that M can be a bit too wild for her, I also agree. So if I can get in touch with L and we arrange to meet and I get accommodation details off her I will go. L confirmed that she is staying in apartment. However I don't fancy going there on my own and staying in separate accommadation by myself!!!!. As I only know M and L. It would be different if my other friends could go as I would do my own thing and meet up with M and L there. So I am thinking that if I can't get the accommodation details in advance, I won't go!!

tenchi-fan

You need to relax a bit more.

I have a good friend who does my head in. He always gets his own way. If I try to plan something that he doesn't want to do, he'll completely shoot it down and start working on other people to try to go against my plans.. to the extent we might not end up doing anything.

It's very selfish. But the annoying thing is, I should just go ahead and do my own thing. What I end up doing is just get so stressed out at the thoughts of trying to plan anything that I don't enjoy it.

stinkle

definitely sort it with L. shes not going to want to be stranded either. em are the others on at you about driving cos they have no place to stay and are planning on sleeping in your car by any chance?

if M is a bit wild for L then she might be apprehensive too. no harm getting her to agree on a plan B for the two of you in case the whole thing falls through. if M is sorting tickets too then she might disappoint.

if you go, have a great time and suit yourself!

doireann08

no the accommodation has been booked, 4 of the girls have paid however you need to pay in advance to secure your room.

So they are not looking to use my car as a place to sleep. M mentioned to me that if someone was driving they should give the others a lift.. However I think it is up to someone to offer to drive and not to be bulldozed into it. I appreciate that a few of you said to relax however my past experience with M makes that difficult.

She first told me 2 weeks ago that the accommodation was sorted and there was space for everyone, however when I spoke to L, she said accommodation was sorted for 4 people and they would need to ring to get a bigger space. If I had some of my other friends going, we could do our own thing, however as I only know L and M, it makes it more difficult to do my own thing as I still have no clue where the accommodation is, can't book my room!

Denimgirl

Could you get the bus down? tell her it's her turn to drive that you drove last year!you don;t want to! don't let this selfish girl use you! be assertive tell her no if you don't want to do anything don't do it!I'd stick with one of the other girls.

Micahelxcx

You know what? You sound over anxious about this weekend and your friend M.
My advice is to make your own way down Friday after work and return Sunday evening. Tell M directly you are not driving as you don't want to be hung over driving home on Sunday evening. Ask once more for the number to confirm accommodation and if she hesitates or hasn't got the number to hand, organise your own.

At the festival decide which bands you want to see and see them. Don't mind what M wants to do. And be assertive about. State to all your friends that you are going to watch so and so. Arrange to meet up later.
I find that some groups have one or two leaders who decide what everyone else is doing.

Remember also. You don't have to go to festival if it is stressing you out so much.

LegacyUser

sea sessions!?!? ah man there will be plenty of women there.

you really dont need to be bugged at this its supposed to be such a chilled out festival.
leave them and the drama grab a beer sit on the beach and get a girl there for fun