Advice needed on sex!

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

This is a little embarrassing but I just wanted to get the opinion of both men and women as it's not something I can really talk to my friends about.

I only recently lost my virginity (early 20s). I'm in a good relationship with a lovely guy now, and we've had sex about 4 times. I've really enjoyed it every time although I haven't come (this doesn't really bother me, though!)

While I wouldn't say I'm totally inexperienced in the bedroom (I've had boyfriends in the past, and have done sexual things with them), I'm a bit worried about my inexperience with actual penetrative sex. OK, basically, I don't want to be lying there like a sack of potatoes but on the other hand, I don't want to be thrusting my hips towards him either, if it's generally not what women do! He didn't know I was a virgin so I'm sure he thinks I'm more experienced than I am. I basically want to make it as good as possible for him (and for me too, obviously!).

Of course I've seen plenty of porn clips but I don't think that's necessarily a realistic way to pick up tips!

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to move your body, etc.? Men and women alike, what feels really good for you? I know it's something you pick up the more you do it, but I'm just looking for a little guidance in the meantime, I guess.

Thank you!

lynsalot

Hey Op,

It's a fair enough question because it can seem weird if you're doing a certain thing and not sure how its been perceived. The whole idea really here is to contract your pelvic muscles. If it makes it easier for you place a pillow under your bum and you'll find the angle easier and don't think about it. Close your eyes and let the feeling wash over you. Don't worry about doing the right or wrong thing. Do what feels right. It's all trial and error.

You shuold tell your boyfriend he was your first. He should be very understanding and supportive and it should be fun. It's about exploring what u partner likes and what you like. Btw... women don't always cum so don't worry about that just yet... but once you stop thinking about it so much and just enjoy it honestly it'll happen. Just let go and do what feels good. there's no right or wrong really. If your boyfriend knows why its so important to you, you two can discuss what feels good and you'll become more intimate.

I know I didn't really give you exact steps there but i hope it helps. And no porn is ridiculous lol and it nevvvver lasts that long either! lol

Esoteric_

Don't necessarily "thrust" your hips, but DO move them up to meet his thrusts, helps him penetrate deeper, and as the person above me said, tighten your muscles down there (like doing Kegel exercises :P ). It's pretty simple once you get the hang of it. If you want to experiment with different positions at any time, just tell the guy you're not very experienced with other positions (no need to tell him you were a virgin) and get him to hold your hips and move you in the way he likes. Also, only like 10% of women orgasm from penetrative sex, make sure he gives you decent foreplay that concentrates on your clit and it'll be easier for you to orgasm.

Miss Fluff

A great little position for you to try is him taking you from behind or doggy style as it's nothing paricularly adventurous or intimidating for you to try but enjoyable all the same as it can mean deeper penetration for both of you while also giving him/you the chance to play with your ladybits and boobs. I have gone to the trouble of finding you a linkie on Wiki After Dark

http://www.wikiafterdark.com/index.php/Doggy_Style

Another easy position for you to try is to straddle him both legs over his thighs (the sight of your bouncing boobs will drive him INSANE) and in slow grinding circular motions arch your back letting him penetrate you deeper each time (a good one if he is very big) but still letting you stay relatively in control.

On a final note, if you show you are enthusiastic and relaxed and that you are enjoying yourself, don't feel under pressure to be Alexis Texas just yet. Take your time. If anything he will probably be only too delighted to realise you were his first and there is not need to "perform" really. A red hot sex life just happens immediately through sheer organics (or should that be orgasmics;)) and having great chemistry. But it also happens through lots and lots of fun practice and experimentation and really caring about the other person too so don't put undue pressure on yourself my dear. I am sure he thinks you are totally fab

fatmammycat

Or you could be just like a lot of women and do not come through straight sex, but through clitoral stimulation. I would be totally honest with him, say you are a virgin, tell him how you get off and what you would like him to do and enjoy good sex from the get go. Better for both of you to be open about sex.

LegacyUser

OP here, thanks for your replies!

Yeah, we have tried doggy and it was also great. I guess what I didn't really make clear in the original post was that we both SEEM to enjoy it, but I wonder if I'm doing it 'right' and if he's going 'Why isn't she doing this?' or 'Why isn't she doing that?'.

The pelvic muscles thing is a start, so thanks for that!

Drodan

Trust me OP he knew you were a virgin, and I doubt he cared in the slightest.

LegacyUser

OP,
Maybe you should actually be concentrating on what feels good for YOU and not what feels good for him, as you are the one who has yet to come with him.

Far too many women forsake their own pleasure because they think good sex = man orgasming...i.e. the goal of sex becomes the man's pleasure and not their own.

So my advice would be to actually find out what works for YOU and what gives you pleasure. And if he's a sexually in-tune kinda guy who is not selfish in bed then this will actually really turn him on as well.

Relax and concentrate on what you like and get to know yourself sexually.

prinz

sexadviceplease wrote: »

Yeah, we have tried doggy and it was also great. I guess what I didn't really make clear in the original post was that we both SEEM to enjoy it, but I wonder if I'm doing it 'right' and if he's going 'Why isn't she doing this?' or 'Why isn't she doing that?'

You are over thinking the whole thing. It should be fun for you both. Try to stop thinking about what you imagine you should be doing and start enjoying what you are doing! Pretty soon you'll get to know what is good for you both and what isn't.

LegacyUser

OP here, thanks again for replies.

I think some of them are missing my point a bit, though, or maybe I didn't explain it too well. I'm interested more in finding out about the technical aspect of sex, how to move your body during it, etc. I know this is largely a case of trial and error and spending time finding what works and feels good, but was just hoping for some basic tips! (the hips thrusting thing, for example).

Like in the missionary position, it is expected that you'll sort of swivel your hips occasionally, or is it is sort of expected that the guy will do most of the work in that position?

dudara

The funny thing about sex is that your body has a fairly good natural instinct about what you should be doing. Don't start to overthink it.

Your hips & body know the rhythm - just let your mind relax. As you let go of this 'worry' about performance, then you'll start to figure out what works for you.

prinz

sexadviceplease wrote: »

I think some of them are missing my point a bit, though, or maybe I didn't explain it too well. I'm interested more in finding out about the technical aspect of sex, how to move your body during it, etc. I know this is largely a case of trial and error and spending time finding what works and feels good, but was just hoping for some basic tips! (the hips thrusting thing, for example)

This is just it. It is trial and error and finding your own way.

IMO there'd be nothing worse than a sort of 'sex by numbers', where you spend the whole time thinking of what's the next step, what do I do now, do I have my hands in the wrong place etc. Just go with flow and you'll learn the 'technical aspects'. It's different for everyone. Sex should be about letting go and having fun. Keep the technical thinking for work.

lynsalot

Hi OP,

Honestly there's no guidelines on the technical side of sex. Like in missionary once he's between ur legs the rest is nature. He's in control so don't think about moving or swivelling and wiggling or whatever u think ur body should be doing. What I was explaining was just really concentrate on the feeling and do what feels right.

At the beginning sometimes unless i'm verry turned on its like he's in and out like a fiddlers elbow and he might as well be throwing a sausage down o connell street, but slowly the feeling builds and it starts to feel amazing, Thats when i would arch my back and concentrate on the sensation and do what feels good for me. Sometimes wrapping my legs around him. Sometimes grabbing his ass, or his hips. Just go with it. Stop worrying about ticking the boxes and see whats good for you.

smoggy11

Hi OP,

I know it can be the most intimidating thing in the world if your partner is more experienced than you, but honestly, the best thing you can do is go with what feels right for you. Just try moving your body in different ways and then go with whatever feels best.

Also, does your OH know you were a virgin? If so, I doubt he's expecting fireworks after only 4 times. I know it took me a while to warm up to sex. Just try and relax as much as possible!

You said you had tried watching porn, but didn't feel it was an adequate representation. Although this can be true with porn, you can always tone down the techniques you see. Or try your own variations on them.

Sex is trial and error, no matter how experienced you are, what one person like may not feel good to another. Just talk to your partner, especially during sex. If something feels really good for you, Tell him! Or if something doesn't feel good, suggest to try something else. If you're enjoying yourself, odds are, he will be too.

Good luck!

Ickle Magoo

sexadviceplease wrote: »

OP here, thanks again for replies.

I think some of them are missing my point a bit, though, or maybe I didn't explain it too well. I'm interested more in finding out about the technical aspect of sex, how to move your body during it, etc. I know this is largely a case of trial and error and spending time finding what works and feels good, but was just hoping for some basic tips! (the hips thrusting thing, for example).

Like in the missionary position, it is expected that you'll sort of swivel your hips occasionally, or is it is sort of expected that the guy will do most of the work in that position?

Different people like different things, some like hard and fast, some like slow and sensual and there is everything in between...rather than concentrating on what you think you should be doing just explore, try things and see if you like them, do they get a response from your boyfriend? Concentrate on what feels good to you and what your boyfriend reacts positively to and follow that, if it stops feeling so good or your boyfriend stops reacting, try something else - it's not so much trial and error in general, as tuning in to what you and he wants that second in that sexual encounter. Play it by ear, talk about what does it for you and what doesn't rather than using any set position or technique and it will be much more fun for both of you.

Best of luck