Constant fighting and blame

lulu90

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 months now and over the last month we have been fighting so much. We love each other but after every fight he says that he need time and doesn’t feel the same about me. Sometimes I feel he is overreacting but when I say this to him he disagrees. The fighting is exhausting and really getting to me. I love him so much. The reason for these fights always seems to be down to me or something I’ve done. For example he said a few weeks ago that I was too cold and my moods were too much. Fair enough I had been picking fights for no reason with him before that and being cold but I don’t understand why he didn’t just deal with it at the time instead of letting it build up until he was nearly ready to break up with me. He told me later that he was close to doing it. We live apart from each other after meeting in college. It is a 3 hour drive to see each other. We see each other once a week for a few days but the time in between is so hard. I hate being away from him. We are always on MSN or texting each other though so constantly in contact. Normally we argue a bit before we meet and he ignores it as he wants to see me. Then a few days into his trip we fight. This time he told me that I don’t listen to his opinion and always do what I want. This is because last night he told me that if I didn’t do something that he wouldn’t visit me for 2 weeks. He claimed it was for my own good but I didn’t see it like that so I got annoyed and told him that if he went home the next day then we’d break up. Then today we went for a trip to the beach and he barely spoke to me in the car. When we got there we had another argument and he told me that it was just his personality to not speak and that’s why he was so quiet in the car. The argument today was basically a continuation of last night with him telling me that he couldn’t voice any opinion that went against mine for fear of me not liking it. As it stands we are talking again but there is still tension over it. Please help, I just don’t know what to do anymore.

fungun

when couples argue lots i often notice its cos they want to fight about something...but dont want to bring that thing up, so fight about lots of other things instead!!

is there something that could be bothering either or both of you that could be behind all this but is not getting mentioned?

lulu90

fungun wrote: »

when couples argue lots i often notice its cos they want to fight about something...but dont want to bring that thing up, so fight about lots of other things instead!!

is there something that could be bothering either or both of you that could be behind all this but is not getting mentioned?

Thanks for that advice. There has been an on going issue for the duration of the relationship. My weight. I want to lose it and he does too. My reasons are different to his though. Mine are 90% vanity and 10% health while his is the other way around. He asks is he not entitled to a long life with me and wants me to get healthy. I gained weight as a result of depression and have been unable to lose it since then

Ickle Magoo

You need to find a form of conflict resolution that works for you as a couple - whether that be writing down how you feel and what you want, sitting down and discussing any issues and thrashing out a compromise or whatever. There is nothing healthy about constantly arguing or being in fear of causing arguments, you both have to be prepared to discuss issues rather than row about them or around them.

Best of luck