Frigid

LegacyUser

Hi all,

For a long time I was very down on myself over my personal appearance. But I've worked on that and I'm much better off than I once was. The problem I have though is that I let my own hang ups get in the way of interacting with girls when I was a teenager. I'm at a stage now where, in my mid 20s, I have very little experience with the opposite sex. I've never even had a girlfriend. I get embarassed when women I'm dating ask me about my previous relationships and I meekly respond with "Nothing worth mentioning." I suppose I give off a casual, laid back and non-desperate vibe and that's why they assume that I'm experienced.

Anyway, as I said, I've improved on my self worth over the past few years. I've been on dates with a few women over the last year, so I don't have a problem making women initially attracted to me. It's sustaining that attraction though that is my problem. I guess you could call me frigid in the sense that I'm terrified of making a move on a woman. I have no problems talking to women but I just can't make that plunge. I just don't know how to. I feel terrified of the thought that they might reject me, I guess in this sense you could say that my confidence is still shot.

I mean there was one particular girl in college (who was a good friend who I knew was attacted to me but I didn't feel the same way) who really laid the compliments on me one night. Some of the words she used to describe me, I just couldn't believe she was talking about me. No woman could feel that way about me I said to myself.

One good mate said to me that the difference between me and him was that I feared rejection and he didn't. He said that blokes always get rejected but that doesn't stop them from trying again and again. Eventually they'll find someone who feels the same way about you as you feel about them. I suppose that he's spot on, I just don't know how to mentally put myself in that place.

RonFan

So you're just putting that out there? OK.

LegacyUser

@ Ronfan - No, opinions on my situation would be very much welcomed. I thought that would have been a given to be honest.

forest gunner

Hi mate,
I can definitely relate to your situation.
Im around the same age as you and have limited experience with women.
I was 24 before I kissed a girl (one of those 'drunk on the way home from the club snogs'). Im not a virgin but the experiences I had were not special at all.
Bottom line is, LEARN from the past. Imagine yourself as a WINNER.
What do Winners do? How do they behave? Really think about it.
Well for starters, they take a loss on the chin and vow to learn from it and come back stronger. And, inevitably, they do.
So, like your friend said, he can handle a loss/rejection by a girl. He practically admits that he gets rejected, probably a lot if he likes to be a single man on the prowl,but he doesnt take it personal and knows that he will be successful sooner rather than later.
Take a look at what you did in the past and pinpoint where you made mistakes - because thats all they are: mistakes. Mistakes that can be erased completely and replaced by 'game winning moves'.
Maybe you stayed too quiet and reserved. Maybe you didnt take the initiative and convince a girl, with charm, that she should be with you.
Ive been there too, but I believe Im on the up now despite a few bad days/moments.
Just say TODAY is the day that the old you is left behind.
The REAL you is back with a vengeance, makin up for lost time.
Hope this helps.

LegacyUser

Thanks Forest, that means a lot. I know that self-belief is the key and you were spot on me being too reserved. I really want to fix this.

greengiant09

another thing you could try is facing your fears....now this takes a lot of balls but it works. basically you flood yourself with the fear you've been avoiding. right now, your really scared of getting rejected but this fear is completely irrational. your taking it way too personally and blowing it out of proportion. why don't you face your fear head on and see it as an experiment. maybe write down what you think will happen and then record what actually happened. after you repeat this numerous times, you will find that rejection isn't as bad as you make out. i was in the same boat, you will eventually have to face your fears sooner or later. they;re no where near as bad as you make out in your mind. use alcohol as a relaxant if needed.

dedrizzle

hey there:) well it sounds like you've come a long way already in terms of your self confidence, etc..
I agree with some of the other posters, the rejection thing shouldn't be such a big deal - if a girl rejects a guy, d guy usually just moves on and will usually end up chatting up someone else etc. The girl isn't going to spend d nite thinking about it, they'll have forgotten about it in a few minutes, so you should too.. If you don't have any luck with one girl, try another.. Just don't chat up a girl and then try another girl nearby - they won't feel special then and you've lost before you started..

I think that your lucky actually, guys can go and chat girls up and if it doesn't go your way, ye can just go and try someone else.. girls have to wait to be chatted up.. And sometimes thats really annoying, like some guys will just chat you up straight away and generally, d ones you like just look over for ages before they come say hello.. So ye are lucky really.. I think just go for it, I'd say you'll enjoy it once you get used to it and you won't be afraid anymore.