Need Some Opinions on Work Situation

LegacyUser

I'm a single 29 year old guy and am working with an attractive, really sound, slightly older woman, shes 35. Shes currently in a relationship for the past 2 years but shes really making it obvious that she wants something to happen between us.

She told me a while back that shes only with her current fella for convenience and is only staying with him until she meets somebody shes more attracted to. Since then shes been flirting with me, touching me on the arm regularly, asking what i'm up to on the weekend etc and generally making a big effort to spend time around me and get to know me better.

I really like her but her attitude toward her current boyfriend is very off putting. Its as if she wants the comfort blanket of her current relationship while she eyes up other men. We get along brilliantly and there is great chemistry between us but her "i want my cake and eat it" attitude is telling me she'd be bad news and to not get involved.

Guys, am i right in not getting involved with her or would you get stuck in if you were in my shoes and fancied a girl who although with another man, is just looking for an opportunity to end that relationship. Thanks for your feedback.

fungun

if you want a ltr with here, then i can see why you would hesitate.

if nothing else she is making u be the guy who broke them up as opposed to her breaking up and being free for you. Id also always hesitate about committing to someone who is in another reln as potentially they are (a) looking for fun or (b) looking for *anything* else.

If I were you and you wanted to take it further...id wait for her to flirt/ask what you are up to again and reply with sth like "aaah, if only you were single" or sth like that, making the point

LegacyUser

Guys, am i right in not getting involved with her or would you get stuck in if you were in my shoes and fancied a girl who although with another man, is just looking for an opportunity to end that relationship. Thanks for your feedback.

i think it depends on what you're looking for, if you just want a casual friends with benefits fling(and you won't feel guilty about the fact she has a bf, who she may/may not dump) then go for it. If however you're considering a proper relationship with her then you're delusional, shes shown herself to be selfish, untrustworthy, and manipulative, attention seeker, and if you did get together i bet in a few months time she'll be on the look out for someone shes more attracted to to replace you.

* i also find it hillarious how you describe her as "really sound" from her actions she sounds like shes as far from being "a really sound person" as its possible to be!

422nd

I'd go for it to be honest. Just try not to get too committed if you do hook up. Test the waters for a while, before getting too emotionally involved. She could wind up doing the same to you, like she is doing to her current fella. If you think you can manage not getting too attached till you know the score, then go for it. But keep in mind that can be tough. Hope I've helped. To put it simply... I would. :rolleyes:

tenchi-fan

It sounds like she's wasting your time. She certainly doesn't sound like a catch. You're probably a bit besotted by her, and she's just making herself feel better. Also, you work with her. Keep your private life and your work life separate.

Miss Fluff

It is SUCH a bad idea. And while someone above said just to go for it, if it's the ride you are after I am sure you can get that easily enough. You don't have to go sticking your pen in company ink. And you certainly don't want to be getting involved with someone who is already attached.

How do you know her boyfriend isn't a complete psycho? Or how do you she's not just dying to get preggers by someone else in order to free her of her current relationship constraints?? You'd actually be mental to get involved.

You're only flattered by the attention and that's fair enough but tbh she sounds like a needy loonbag.....not much fun if you then have to work with her. No no no!!! On so many levels, no!:eek:

Firetrap

I think you're right to go with your gut instinct. She doesn't sound like a nice person and is possibly winding you up a bit. Let's say you did get involved with her - how would you ever be sure that she wasn't using you whilst looking out for her next boyfriend?

Leaving all that aside, it's generally not the wisest thing to get involved with a workmate, especially if you're not planning to leave any time soon.

LegacyUser

Dilemma 2010 wrote: »

She told me a while back that shes only with her current fella for convenience and is only staying with him until she meets somebody shes more attracted to.

Run a mile. She's knowingly dismissive of her boyfriend's hopes and dreams-she's the lowest of the low. Who's to say she won't do the same to you a few years down the line?

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replys everyone.

If it wasn't for the fact that i'm very attracted to her, i wouldn't even entertain the idea of getting with her. We have a great buzz with each other and i know i would probably become emotionally attached to her if we hooked up. Thats another thing, why is a seemingly sound, attractive girl who on the surface has a lot going for her, staying in a relationship with someonce she doesn't seem to give a toss about.

Its funny, if someone had said the same thing to me before i found myself in this situation i'd have told them to avoid the person in question like the plague. It's a different ball game when you find yourself in the situation though especially when you really hit it off. I think i might just ask her what the story is with her fella and why she is treating him with such disregard. Maybe then i'll get a better picture of their relationship and whether shes bad news or not.

I am flattered by the attention but i've had attention from women in the past but didn't do anything about it. Its just that we clicked from day one and have a similiar sense of humour and are very relaxed in each others company. Yeah, i think i'll probe a little deeper, i mean in terms of finding out more about her relationship lol.

Firetrap

Dilemma 2010 wrote: »

I think i might just ask her what the story is with her fella and why she is treating him with such disregard. Maybe then i'll get a better picture of their relationship and whether shes bad news or not.

Erm..do you really think she's going to be truthful about this??? She's proved that she is pretty good at telling lies. I just pity the poor bloke she's stringing along.

greengiant09

why can't you just tell her that you do like her but you will only be with her if she breaks it off with her current boyfriend. that seems fair to her fella and fair to yourself. think you'd be a bit of an idiot if you got involved in a situation were you someone's bit on the side....like someone else said, her boyfriend may want to pay you a visit if he found out. i know i would....and it certainly wouldn't be nice to say the least.