I'm falling for my addiction counsellor

LegacyUser

I can imagine the subject title doesn't read very well, but here's what's going on anyway: Several months back I started seeing an addiction counsellor for my alcohol abuse. As far as the boozing is concerned, I got the problem under control pretty soon after I started to address it. I feel fine now, I drink once every week or two, always socially. I think what was going on was I'd begun to self-medicate because I was feeling low, but both problems are ironing themselves out now, thank God.

Anyway, I've started to develop feelings for my counsellor (I'm female) He's just very relaxed, humorous, sexy, all that. Obviously it'd be more than his job is worth to get invovled with a client, but as I'm feeling so much better and seem to have moved past the problem I first presented with I'd been considering leaving counselling anyway. In light of that I'd be interested in hearing peoples views as to whether he might be open to a date after I'd left counselling? I'm particularly interested in hearing from anyone who works in the area of addiction counselling themselves. I guess the big question is: Would it be frowned upon for an addiction counsellor to date a former client?

Thanks in advance

BumbleB

Do you not think this may be just a passing fantasy? . Its a well documented fact for females in a hostage situation to fall in love with their (male) captors.

Nevyn

Yes it would be consdiered unprofessional and can leave him open to a lot trouble.
The level of closeness you feel with him is part of the counselling process and you need to keep a check on it.

fungun

Unfortunately you cant even think about it......he is there for you because he is your counsellor. I know counsellers for AA and they are all warned about this.....it is actually quite common tor you to feel this way, but there is no way he can do anything about it.

You have gone through a huge process of opening up and re-building yourself with him holding your hand through it - thats what he is there for - and he is there in the same way for many others. He sounds like he is good at his job but they are completely not allowed to go any further with this as it can be taking advantage of the situation.

WesternNight

Ditto to what everyone else said.

And just to come at it from a different angle - it would probably be a disappointment for you as well if you did take it any further. Right now he's being exactly what you need him to be in this particular situation. If you were to know him outside of this context, if you were to see him as a "real person" with real flaws and everything, I suspect that sheen he has right now would fade.

It would probably be a good idea to try a different counsellor so you won't be distracted by these feelings and continue to benefit from the counselling.

di-fiend

What you're expeiencing is quiet commmon in counselling. Please check this link out http://www.crisiscounseling.com/articles/transference.htm

Rosita

BumbleB wrote: »

Do you not think this may be just a passing fantasy? . Its a well documented fact for females in a hostage situation to fall in love with their (male) captors.

He's a counsellor, not a captor.

How Strange

I'd imagine this is quite a common thing in addiction counselling. You're an addict in recovery so it's logical enough that you would develop some feelings for the counsellor who is helping you through the process.

In fact I've seen this kind of thing in lots of dynamics where there is a person of authority or leadership guiding people. I went on a few organised off the beaten tracks holidays some years ago and if the leader was male at least one female, some times more, would be head over heels by the end of the trip.

OP, I think you need to recognise this for what it is and accept that it is transference of feelings because of the role your counsellor is playing in the process of your recovery.

I'm sure your counsellor has been trained in how to deal with this and it's not the first time he has encountered it.

hightower1

Rosita wrote: »

He's a counsellor, not a captor.

I think the point he was making was in relation to females becoming enfatuated with males in postions of emotional or situational power over them such as captor situations or passive power situations such as counsellor / patient. Also where the whole "daddy" fetish stems from.

LegacyUser

I think that it's quite well known by counsellors, psychologists etc that this can happen with their patients. It's known as transference. It's not really something you can act on in your current situation either (ie as his "patient")

BumbleB

Rosita wrote: »

He's a counsellor, not a captor.

My God ,theres no flies on you.Thanks for pointing out the blatently obvious.

LegacyUser

WesternNight wrote: »

And just to come at it from a different angle - it would probably be a disappointment for you as well if you did take it any further. Right now he's being exactly what you need him to be in this particular situation. If you were to know him outside of this context, if you were to see him as a "real person" with real flaws and everything, I suspect that sheen he has right now would fade.

Thanks to everyone for the constructive responses, particularly this one above. This is a point that honestly hadn't occured to me. I guess I can thank the rose-tinted glasses for that!

CluelessGirl

Hey!

The exact thing happened to me......

The reason probably is that you are being so open to this person that they are getting to know you more emotionally than anyone ever has and as a result you are developing feelings.

Its a response to opening up about yourself in so much depth and intimately also.

It does pass......your just in a vulnerable and sensitive time in your life right now and this person is getting to know you on every level......it can be overwhelming but just remember that you do not want to undo all the good work you are doing.

Its not every day you meet a counsellor that can really help and relate to you.

Hope this helps.

knitwit

I'm glad I came across this post, I have been feeling something similar myself. I have been going for weekly counselling for several months now and I am becoming increasingly besotted with the counsellor.
I feel a bit confused because he's not particularly attractive, a fair bit older than me and short!!
I feel embarrassed admitting to this, but I fantasize about him something terrible, to the extent that when I had sex with a man recently, I closed my eyes and pretended it was my counsellor. Cringe, I know.
I was thinking of telling my counsellor about these feelings, not cos I think I'm "in there", but because I think it might be helpful. Obviously, I'm finding it hard to get the courage to do this. Sorry for posting my own crap in your thread, but it's obviously a fairly common occurance.

seenitall

Good lord.

Until I read this thread, I never knew just how sensible I was being in looking to work with female therapists only. There but for the grace...