I really don't want to get involved - help!

LegacyUser

I am blessed that I have a large circle of friends. I recently introduced one of my oldest and closest childhood girlfriends to a guy who I also get on well with and who I have known for about seven years now. I was thrilled that they got on really well and I sensed a bit of a spark. We are all in our 30s, and all hoping to meet that special someone so it genuinely fills me with delight that they could start going out as I am fond of them both.

The guy is very intense and very full-on in his dealings with people, I am pretty strong-willed myself so if I find he is annoying me or being too full-on I simply take some space from him as he tried to demand all my time, asking to see me every day and expecting a huge amount of attention.

I now find myself in a situation where he is putting tremendous pressure on me to organise nights out for the three of us as he is interested in my friend. My girlfriend knows how I feel about this, that my time with her is my time with her and my time with him is with him. While I was happy to introduce them I made it quite clear that if he wants to see her he needs to grab his balls and ask her out. My girlfriend agrees.

I really do not want to get involved. While it could go really well, it could also go t1ts-up for a number of reasons (she is pretty well off, he is not, and I fear he could be seeing dollar signs) and while I was happy to make the introduction, I don’t want to be caught in the middle or find myself blamed for anything. This is making me sound like a shrinking violet, I’m not. It’s just the guy is now insisting that I organise nights out for the three of us and I’m not comfortable doing that. Not at all. Am I being unreasonable? Opinions please!

NothingMan

Seriously, if a guy in his 30's wasn't able to ask out a girl who was almost definitely going to say yes, alarm bells would be ringing already. If he is interested and they have a spark the last thing you should want is a third wheel on your first dates.

You said you're normally straight up with him, so tell him to ask her out if he wants, maybe give him advice on where to take her, but just tell him you won't be playing spectator on their date.

If you genuinely feel he may be more interested in her because she has money then why would you be setting him up at all?

LegacyUser

Thanks for the response. I totally agree, and I have made it quite clear that he has to ask her out himself. I think he is a bit lonely and depends on me a bit so I think he is almost using me as a crutch and seeing me as an easy way to get to my friend without actually having to do any of the leg work.

He is now talking about the three of us doing stuff later in the summer and although I keep telling him this is not on he won't listen. He has now planned something for ten days time where he is expecting the three of us to go and I am not happy about that at all. I'm not going to go but I feel now that the finger may be pointed because I refuse to facilitate any of it. Does that make sense?

When I introduced them he wouldn't have known that she is way more comfortable than him. I could just see him taking her for a ride a bit and while she is well able to look after herself I do think he has the potential to act a bit of a prick with her. His track record is not great so I just want to stay out of it!!

seenitall

Leavemeoutofit wrote: »

Thanks for the response. I totally agree, and I have made it quite clear that he has to ask her out himself. I think he is a bit lonely and depends on me a bit so I think he is almost using me as a crutch and seeing me as an easy way to get to my friend without actually having to do any of the leg work.

He is now talking about the three of us doing stuff later in the summer and although I keep telling him this is not on he won't listen. He has now planned something for ten days time where he is expecting the three of us to go and I am not happy about that at all. I'm not going to go but I feel now that the finger may be pointed because I refuse to facilitate any of it. Does that make sense?

When I introduced them he wouldn't have known that she is way more comfortable than him. I could just see him taking her for a ride a bit and while she is well able to look after herself I do think he has the potential to act a bit of a prick with her. His track record is not great so I just want to stay out of it!!

Sorry OP, but this guy sounds like a pushy, egotistic nutter. So many red flags you could organise a race-track.

If I were you, not only would I not want a guy like that anywhere near a friend I cared about, I wouldn't want ANYTHING to do with him myself either. Any finger-pointing by the manipulative "intense" psycho would be the least of my problems.

Miss Fluff

Agreed. While you don't want to get involved, you should probably warn the girl what he's like in advance.