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Boyfriend lied

  • 20-06-2010 7:58pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hey, if you were in a relationship which was based on a bit of a lie, do you think that it leads to longterm damage in the relationship??

    Basically i'm living with my OH, we're both in our early 20s and i love him to bits. We've been together for 2 and half years, living together for one.

    When we met, he told me that he'd slept with other people before me, he wasn't a virgin. Now, more than 2 years later he tells me that when we met, he was a virgin and lied because he thought it would scare me.. He thinks that it's not a big deal but to me it is.

    When i lost my virginity i wish it had of been better and i feel like if i had known i could have made it so much better for him (his first time).

    It also concerns me because my last ex said that the fact that he had only slept with me made him want to be single and sow his wild oats... I'm terrified of this happening again, and wonder if anyone has any advice about this..


Comments

  • #2
    smiles302
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 463 ✭✭smiles302


    Ask yourself what the issue really is. If your ex had never told you being a virgin made him what to "sow his oats" would this be as big an issue? Is it the fact he was a virgin that bothers you or the fact that he lied about it? Would you have continued the relationship had you found out he was a virgin at the beginning?

    If the issue is simply the fact that he lied I don't think it will necessarily cause damage to your relationship, provided you can forgive him for lying. If it is more complicated than that, you need to think about it carefully. We can't tell you how you are supposed to feel about it or whether you can forgive him or not.


  • #3
    Miss Fluff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    Cut the guy some slack. He was embarrassed to admit it. It's not a great big whopping lie, more that he didn't tell you the truth. Some guys, especially guys who are young or immature, have hang-ups about numbers and seeming experienced. It was only because he didn't want to appear even more inexperienced than you. Quite sweet really.


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Miss Fluff wrote: »
    Cut the guy some slack. He was embarrassed to admit it. It's not a great big whopping lie, more that he didn't tell you the truth. Some guys, especially guys who are young or immature, have hang-ups about numbers and seeming experienced. It was only because he didn't want to appear even more inexperienced than you. Quite sweet really.

    I get that he was embarrassed and wanted to impress me but it's the fact he lied about it for so long. We're living together and he should have told me at least before we moved in together. He knows why my last boyfriend dumped me so does that not make it more important?? I'm annoyed because it's something that is a big whopping lie in my eyes. I've never lied to him about my past so why should he?


  • #5
    LighterGuy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,243 ✭✭✭LighterGuy


    Ah he lied because he was either embarressed, or didnt want to shoot himself in the foot by admitting he was a virgin. Maybe both. Not because he wanted to be decietful.

    This "lie" that shouldnt cause any damage :)


  • #6
    AnonoBoy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,559 ✭✭✭✭AnonoBoy


    Look at it this way - if he had told you he was a virgin and then you found out later that he'd slept with 20 people before you, that'd be a lot worse, wouldn't it?

    This isn't that bad a thing - he was embarrassed and wanted you to think he had more experience than he had. It's hardly the worse thing in the world, and also I think you're over-dramatising it saying your relationship is 'based' on a lie - did you only go out with him because he had slept with other people?


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  • #7
    Peggypeg
    Closed Accounts Posts: 578 ✭✭✭Peggypeg


    Hey OP,

    First of all don't let previous partner's behaviour colour how you view your bf, that's beyond totally unfair and childish. How would you feel if he did that to you?

    Secondly, how do you know that his first time wasn't amazing to him? What would you have done differently? To tell you the truth if he's like the rest of the population he was ****ting bricks when it came to losing it, the last thing he would have needed was having it built up into a huge thing, a bed covered in roses and the likes probably would have given him a floppy in fear wondering what you expected. Also that "lie" isn't unheard of, I'd say a huge number of people lie about it at the start.

    Honestly, if those are your biggest problems in the relationship you're going to end up destroying a really good relationship by having unreasonable expectations of your partner. He is human after all.

    Cut him some slack.


  • #8
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
    Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
    Have a nice day.
    Thaedydal


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