What to do?

LegacyUser

Hey everyone,

I will try to not make this too long but I am beginning to feel so hopeless that I just need someone to talk to.

On the outside everything seems fine, people think I'm confident and independent and witty and funny etc but on the inside I'm broken, I'm hurting so much I don't know what to do. I don't know why I'm hurting either but I can't go on like this.

I lost my job because of the recession and have been to a few interviews and chances are I will get another one which is great but I'll have to move. Move away from my life, my friends, where I consider home and where I want to settle (Cork)...I'm 28 and the thoughts of having to start all over again are too much at this point.

Everytime I meet a guy I pretend I'm not interested in anything serious and just want some fun even if they want more. The truth is on the inside I am aching for someone to love and to love me back, the right person, not just anyone. I push them away, I blow hot and cold and I don't know how to stop. The ones that I genuinely do like are always 'bad boys' and end up hurting me anyway. Each time I go out with a guy the next girl he meets turns out to be the one, I'm not joking it has happened so many times I'm thinking I'm some sort of cupid....

I look around and everyone's life seems to be falling into place and here I am, 28...no job, no house, no roots, no boyfriend...nothing....I have good friends but I'm going to lose seeing them a lot when I move away...my family are great too and my mam keeps saying that I'm strong and things will get better.

I just don't have the strength to keep going anymore, I'm not talking about ending it, god no but I just want it to be my turn. I'm in tears writing this, I seem to cry a lot lately....at weddings when I see a couple in love knowing that will never happen to me. I'm just so sad. I'm not sad all the time, I have times of pure happiness but they don't last before the doubt and sadness kicks in.

Please just any advice would be appreciated....what can I do? Has anyone felt this way before?

tenchi-fan

Overall you seem to be concentrating on the negative. There's no benefit at all in comparing yourself to other people. Very few people your age have everything. You said you have "no job, no house, no roots, no boyfriend."

What if you had a house and then lost your job, and were in negative equity so you couldn't even get a job away from home? My cousin lives with his ex-girlfriend because their relationship broke down but they bought a house together.

The job is probably the easiest to sort, although it means moving away from home.
The house will come in time - you usually need to save a deposit. In the meantime just rent a nice, comfortable place you can call home even if it's only temporary.
I'm not the best at relationships myself so I can't give you great advice. But one thing I'll say is have more respect for yourself. You're going for the bad boys and marketing yourself as not wanting anything serious.. so they're walking all over you. Try to look for better qualities.

Moving away from home might be a good experience, especially since you don't have anything holding you back. Embrace it. You'll make new friends, discover yourself, and maybe even find a better caliber of man.

I'm in a job where I do a horrible commute of about 3.5-4 hours a day and just about breaking even at the end of the week and there's no jobs in my town. I'm sick of it so I'm packing my job in and heading abroad for a year. It might be a bit of a risk but I'm not going to give up on trying to enjoy life just yet.

jessiejam

AmIDepressed? wrote: »

Hey everyone,

I will try to not make this too long but I am beginning to feel so hopeless that I just need someone to talk to.

On the outside everything seems fine, people think I'm confident and independent and witty and funny etc but on the inside I'm broken, I'm hurting so much I don't know what to do. I don't know why I'm hurting either but I can't go on like this.

I lost my job because of the recession and have been to a few interviews and chances are I will get another one which is great but I'll have to move. Move away from my life, my friends, where I consider home and where I want to settle (Cork)...I'm 28 and the thoughts of having to start all over again are too much at this point.

Everytime I meet a guy I pretend I'm not interested in anything serious and just want some fun even if they want more. The truth is on the inside I am aching for someone to love and to love me back, the right person, not just anyone. I push them away, I blow hot and cold and I don't know how to stop. The ones that I genuinely do like are always 'bad boys' and end up hurting me anyway. Each time I go out with a guy the next girl he meets turns out to be the one, I'm not joking it has happened so many times I'm thinking I'm some sort of cupid....

I look around and everyone's life seems to be falling into place and here I am, 28...no job, no house, no roots, no boyfriend...nothing....I have good friends but I'm going to lose seeing them a lot when I move away...my family are great too and my mam keeps saying that I'm strong and things will get better.

I just don't have the strength to keep going anymore, I'm not talking about ending it, god no but I just want it to be my turn. I'm in tears writing this, I seem to cry a lot lately....at weddings when I see a couple in love knowing that will never happen to me. I'm just so sad. I'm not sad all the time, I have times of pure happiness but they don't last before the doubt and sadness kicks in.

Please just any advice would be appreciated....what can I do? Has anyone felt this way before?

Hey OP

Sorry to hear you are feeling like crap at the moment. You know, when we were in boom times everyone lived life to the full, had money to blow and so many options open to them. We got very used to having choices.

Now things are different, we are frightened of change.
Change doesn't have to be a bad thing. Sometimes change is the best thing we can ever do and usually realise that we should have done it ages ago. Stepping outside your comfort zone is very hard at the start, but it takes courage and determination. You have this courage and determination in you and you probably don't even know it. Explore it.

We all kiss a few frogs in our lives don't worry, it makes us determine what kind of person we would like to end up with. It also helps us to decide what we will and will not put up with in a relationship.
As for roots?..... roots are for trees.... lol
Plenty of time for settling, think of the stories you will have when you come home.. think of the stories you won't have if you stay!

Your are 28... only 28. You are only a baby. Just because everyone elses life seems to be falling into place doesn't mean it acutally is. People are very good at giving off impressions, all that glitters isn't gold.

Its probably a blessing in disguise that you don't have a house. No mortgage to weigh you down stopping you from doing things many people would envy, travelling, meeting new people, maybe even meeting the man of your dreams.

You say that you cry at weddings because you see people in love and you know that will never happen to you.. How do you know this? can you see into the future?.... (if so PM me with next weeks lotto numbers)

As for being sad about moving away, you can always visit home and people can come to visit you. Think of it as just a temporary arrangement. Go. Find yourself. Enjoy life and your new friends. When you come back you will know it was a good thing, and hey you can always come back home, where you know your mum will be delighted to have you

xoxox

LegacyUser

Hey guys,

OP here again. Thank you both for your replies, they made a lot of sense and have given me a lot to think about. Techni-fan, you're right I am focusing on the negative, I have so much to be thankful for but I just can't seem to be able to get out of this dark cloud!

I've travelled before, lived abroad for a few years in different countries, studied abroad as well and they've been the best times of my life but at 28 I feel like it's time I should be putting down roots, jessiejam you made me laugh when you said roots are for trees lol Because of my job, I've had to move a lot and it just gets tiresome sometimes. I am very outgoing and friendly and great craic, on the outside at least, so I've no problem meeting new people but I'm just so tired.

I think my biggest issue is meeting someone. You're right I am choosing the wrong type of guy, I let them walk all over me and treat me like crap because I have no sense of self worth whatsoever. I am one of those girls who is seeing a guy and he might not get in touch for a week or so with no explanation but could text late on a Friday night and I jump. I'm so afraid of being alone that I can become quite dependent in relationships which is weird because in other areas of my life I'm not like that, I'm an only child, very independent, travelled alone, done many things alone but as soon as it comes to men I turn into a pathetic loser. If one of my friends said this to me I'd tell her to cop on.

Maybe you guys are right, this is a blessing in disguise...it just seems things have been very stagnant in my life for a while now and I'm wondering when it's going to happen for me. I could have a mortgage etc so it could be worse. I am a firm believer in fate and everything happens for a reason so maybe there's something great waiting out there for me.....

I've been thinking about going to counselling to work on my self-esteem issues, do you think this would be a good idea. I mean, how is the right guy supposed to love me if I can't love myself eh...

Thank you both xx

dyer

everyone gets depressed at some point, wed never grow if we didnt, these feelings youre having seem to be a result of seeing those things in your life that youd like to change, look at it as an opportunity to make those changes, not as some kind of failure. one important thing i learned was to accept your negative emotions as they are and not to to fight or resist them because we can easily amplify the 'problems' by running them over and over in our minds. on a good day when youre feeling positive and clear headed, make a list for yourself and work through some ideas to get yourself motivated and back in the game. its hard when youre not working but its really important to keep motivated no matter what... exercise, yoga and meditation are great ways for centering yourself and gaining more self confidence.. and yer dead right.. you cant expect someone to love ya when youre find it hard to love yourself. things will fall into place once you put the effort in and make it happen

all the best!

decembersun77

Im sorry that you are feeling like that. I feel alot like that sometimes too. I am in the same situation as you except i have no career and no job and i never had a proper one. Well I live alone and I don't have a supportive family that are close to me. I am nearly 29. The only thing you can do is see all the good things that you do have, you have a career, your health, your freedom, a supportive family a good home. Focus on what you have got and be grateful for them.

Try to be happy with yourself you have to be, there is only one of you, you have to like yourself and be true to who you are. Forget about what happen with men. Focus on and find things things that make you feel good, thats what try and do to get me throught. Think in your heart and soul really about what kind of man you want, what qualities does he have in his personality like honesty, truthfulness and caring, he has respect for women, he can make you laugh or what ever it is you want and need in a man.

Maybe it might be good for you to move away I don't know a new start is good though. I knowing moving is hard it takes time to settle and find your feet. Look at it and believe its going to be positive time for the start of great things to happen you, where there is new good friends and new opperunities.

LegacyUser

I could've written this post myself OP apart from the part about getting interviews, I am in a seriously sh!tty job at the moment and getting no interviews... but thats another thread..

When I read how you said you feel like cupid I was really feeling like that awhile ago but I have to say when I saw it in writing it just seems ludicrous tbh! I dont think we have so much power and if we do then we really need to start charging for this service!! But I really believed it for awhile, believed my luck was always going to someone else, like when i lost my job it worked out well for some people, and with guys they moved on to the 'one' after me... But its not true and its not true for you either.

Those lads were obviously not right for you. I'm sure that when you meet someone who is right for you, you won't blow hot and cold. And the next time a guy texts you late friday night just delete his number, tell yourself you're done with that crap and won't get it anymore cause you won't take it! Its just really hard at the moment to not just want to settle for someone who is 'meh' especially when your surrounded by people settling, I really started to feel desperate-not a nice way to be!

but then when I ask myself would I like to be settled with anyone i've been with I can honestly say I wouldn't and I'm sure your the same.
I myslf am realising reluctantly that I have to move countried never mind counties and like you at 28 I feel I am too old to be doing this but at the same time I have to look clearly at my situation and it doesn't look set to improve if I stay I here the jobs are just not here for me, I have no ties here and therefore I am only holding myself back sticking around..
Good luck OP! Hopefully things will pick up for us soon!