Strange memory from childhood

LegacyUser

For many years, I have had a weird memory stuck in my head that I don't know how to deal with. The memory involves me as a young child (around 3-6 ish, I can't really tell though!) in a bath with an older male. All I remember is the male playing with his penis and calling it 'his little soldier'. What sticks in my mind so much is that he pulled back his foreskin, saying that the soldier was out, and then when he pulled the foreskin up, 'he was hiding'.

I genuinely have no idea where this memory comes from, or who the older male was. I used to wonder had I made it up in some twisted fashion, but I've had in my head so long, even longer than when I even knew what a foreskin was (for some reason, that part sticks in my head even more than anything).

I don't have any brothers but I do have slightly older male cousins that would have stayed in my house so I wonder could it be something totally innocent? Is it worth digging into at all by regressive hypnotherapy or something like that or would I be opening a can of worms?

It's just something that has kind of stuck in my mind for many years but I'm so afraid to find out who it was in case it's something awful. What scares me a lot too is that my parents often joke about what an outgoing child I was, a bit of an attention-seeker, loved singing and acting like a star and then I became quite shy. To them, there didn't seem like there was a reason, but I'm so afraid that there really was.

Has anything like this happened to anyone else?

tenchi-fan

I think you probably need some form of therapy to get to the bottom of it.
You could have dreamt it, so it might just be a false memory.
If it was a cousin, maybe your parents just gave you a bath together and the age difference wasn't as huge as you now imagine.
It's pretty strange though.

LegacyUser

something similar happened to me....i used to think it might have been a dream but i'm pretty sure now that it actually happened. think i was about 5 or 6 and an elder relative (8 or 9) persuaded me to engage in some 'inappropriate' behaviour....touching, etc. in fairness, i have no problem with it now because i'm pretty sure it was completely naive actions by my relative. i don't think they knew what they were doing....in fact, i reckon they seen something on tv and then tried to mimic it. it doesn't effect me at all but its funny how i always remember it....i don't think there would be any point in digging up an old memory such as mine.....not sure what i'd do if i was in your shoes....it depends on the circumstances.

LegacyUser

Hi OP

I have a similar type of memory from my own childhood. When I was about 3 I went to visit cousins in the country. We were only staying for the day but I was quite tired so my parents put me in a bed upstairs to sleep while they stayed downstairs. I've always had a memory of waking up and there being a man in the bed beside me. I know it was one of my cousins (there are 3 boys in that family and they would have been college age at the time) but I don't know which one it was. I remember thinking that it must be a mistake - that he must have just decided to get into the bed without realising that I was there but it's only since I've grown up that I've realised that this is not normal. I don't remember him touching me or anything but I do remember trying to talk to him and explain that my parents had put me there. What was weird was that he didn't look at me or acknowledge that I was there. He stayed there for a bit and then left. Looking at the incident with adult eyes, I think he may have been masturbating but I can't say for sure.

I've never told anyone about this but have toyed with the idea of mentioning it to my parents - I'd be concerned that another child might be at risk. Saying that though, I don't know which cousin it was and I couldn't really say something without knowing exactly who it was. I just feel I can't make accusations without having my facts straight. So I've stayed quiet about it for over 20 years. I don't really know what to do but I can't really see a benefit in bringing it up after all these years. All the boys now are middle aged, bar one who committed suicide a number of years ago.

OP I honestly don't know what the best course of action is. I'd do something about what happened to me (like report it or something) if I knew who it was and had a clearer idea of exactly what happened. Your memory does sound like it could be completely innocent though - if you had a young cousin to stay when you were little, your parents couldve just decided to bathe you together. It doesn't sound like a dream if you've always had the memory. It's like with me, I've always had this memory but it's only since I was a teenager that I realised that something bad couldve happened.

LegacyUser

OP here.

Thanks everyone. I think I might have to think about it some more. When I think about it, I don't remember being scared or uncomfortable at the time, so it could possibly be something completely innocent hopefullly.

up for anything

Why don't you ask your parents were there ever occasions where you shared a bath and tell them your concerns?

Nevyn

I suggest you talk to your dr and get a referal for someone to talk this out with.