Should I sleep with him?

LegacyUser

I'm a 22 year old single girl and I'm sexually frustrated, as bad as that sounds! I'm single for 3 years (apart from a few disasterous attempts at "relationships") and living with all guys, friends from college. All my female friends have moved to a different city for work.

I'm so sick of being single and find it extremely tough to meet new guys. If I go out it tends to be with a big group of lads which doesn't help. I get treated like a tomboy (though I am quite girly) and the lads don't realise it intimidates me being the only girl. I'm quite conscious of what my male friends think of me, in terms of respect. I'm told I'm quite attractive but almost every guy I've liked has kissed me but never wants a relationship. I don't sleep around and barely even kiss around. I go months and months without even an innocent kiss.

In the last few months I have kissed a guy I have known for years a few times. He had a longterm gf til a few months back and cheated on her a lot. He's a nice person as a friend but the kind of lad you would never want your friend to go out with. Despite all this I got closer to him this year and we've kissed several times since he became single. Last time we kissed he came back to mine and it took all the willpower in the world not to sleep with him. I don't take sex lightly but its been ages and I'm ridiculously attracted to this guy. But I do know what he's like. He doesn't want a gf and I have a habit of getting attached to guys. I normally would never consider sleeping with someone I didn't envisage a future relationship with. But its been so long and I know he'd be great in bed!!

I know I'm saying I know what he's like but I'm afraid if I did sleep with him I would (a) lose any respectability in the eyes of my male friends (he is a "talk about your feelings" kinda guy, he would discuss the situation with his close friends, who are also my close friends), or (b) get attached and end up hurt when he moves on to a new girl. But I'm so attracted to him and I don't know when a chance to have sex with someone I'm comfortable with and have such chemistry with will come along again. We're not kids, he's 24, I'm 22 and I'm not naive about sex.

Would you do it?

Miss Fluff

Yes. You get on well with him, the chemistry is there, and you seem to have your eyes open about him being a bit of a player. You need to get back on the horse girl, if you find yourself falling for him then stop sleeping with him but until then I'd say go and have some fun.

Ickle Magoo

I don't think a quick $hag is worth loosing respectability, risking falling for a guy who doesn't want a relationship and who will blab to all your male friends about the encounter - regardless of how good I thought it would be or how horny I am.

If you are frustrated to the point you are even considering risking all for this guy, you might be better off investing in some relief of the battery opperated variety instead.

Kiera

You should only do it if you can detach your feelings for him. He doesn’t sound like a guy who will be in it for the feelings.

I'm like you in that i dont sleep with people i dont have feelings for so i could never do it but if you can leave your feelings at the door then go for it

fungun

If you want to sleep with a person its usually a fairly easy decision, and if I were in your shoes I would, especially if i found him 'ridiculously attractive'

But the fact that you are posting on her mean its not an easy decision for you. Is it because you want to sleep with someone, but not necessarily him? Or is it you want to sleep with him but are concerned about the consequences?

If its the former Id hold off, if it was the latter I think Id go for i as long as you go in with your eyes open.

dublingal80

If you did sleep with him and nothing came of it, it was just sex, would it be something you would regret 6 months down the line? Whatever your answer is, it should tell you what you should or shouldnt do

I think if you have "feelings" for him, dont but if you know its just sex, no strings attached and its just to get out your frustrations, go for it

seenitall

No, I wouldn't do it, not in the scenario you described, not with the guy you described, and also not - being the kind of person that you are.

There are other ways of getting off, as Ickle Magoo pointed out, but most of all it seems to me you need to be meeting more people outside of your usual circle of friends. Start some new interests or activities, start going out with some different people. These are the best avenues to explore in order to meet someone who will tick a few boxes for you, not just the "very attractive but non-committal blabber-mouth player" box. You deserve more than that.

LoughridgeL

Wouldn't even risk it. Sorry to say it, but he sounds like a prick and no matter how sexually frustrated you are, never ever sleep with a prick.

Sebastien De Valmont

This guy is obviously looking for another notch on his bed post.

But so what? You are horny!

You know this guy is a lothario and a womaniser and a bad boy and probably good in bed and that turns you on.

If he wants to use then why not use him back?

Your male friends are typical pathetic c*ckblockers.

They all want to have sex with you too and the only reason they hang out with you is because they hope to get sympathy sex.

They are all afraid to lose their friends by getting you in bed ahead of their jealous mates.

These gimps have been warding off any decent man who tries to penetrate the force field they have built up around you.

The only mistake this guy has made is not to get the approval of your saddo male friends.

If he was friends with your friends then getting into bed with him would be so much easier wouldn't it?

Are you going to satisfy your own sexual needs or do you want them all to be standing outside your door to listen in protecting you in case he turns into a big green monster during sex.

When you have your wedding night some day years from now will you need to ask your friend's permission?

If they don't respect you anymore afterward because you sleep with someone you fancy just tell them to f*ck off and get their own girlfriends.

Do what you want to do!

Stu

Well said Sebastian. Don't look for your male friends approval in these type of situations. Do what feels right. Your instinct in this situation will tell you what to do. Tell your male friends to grow up if they try to get involved in your sex life or pass judgement on who you are sleeping with. Its none of their business. They should just be there to support you if your having a tough time with any guy you might be seeing or may see or sleep with in the future.

Morphie

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

I don't think a quick $hag is worth loosing respectability, risking falling for a guy who doesn't want a relationship and who will blab to all your male friends about the encounter - regardless of how good I thought it would be or how horny I am.

If you are frustrated to the point you are even considering risking all for this guy, you might be better off investing in some relief of the battery opperated variety instead.

Ditto.

Although I am a guy, I feel my response isn't as it should be. Women tend to want more after sex, this guy from the sounds of it isn't the kind who'll want it, since, well, most guy only want sex.

From my experience and from what I've been told. Men are great until you give yourself to them, once they've had that the "chase" is over. So the "I really want this women" becomes something different, more of "So where to now?".

And thus, respectable women are far more interesting than those who play easy. Not saying you are of course.

If you expect a relationship from this guy, don't do it.

HavingCrack

Sebastien De Valmont wrote: »

This guy is obviously looking for another notch on his bed post.

But so what? You are horny!

You know this guy is a lothario and a womaniser and a bad boy and probably good in bed and that turns you on.

If he wants to use then why not use him back?

Your male friends are typical pathetic c*ckblockers.

They all want to have sex with you too and the only reason they hang out with you is because they hope to get sympathy sex.

They are all afraid to lose their friends by getting you in bed ahead of their jealous mates.

These gimps have been warding off any decent man who tries to penetrate the force field they have built up around you.

The only mistake this guy has made is not to get the approval of your saddo male friends.

If he was friends with your friends then getting into bed with him would be so much easier wouldn't it?

Are you going to satisfy your own sexual needs or do you want them all to be standing outside your door to listen in protecting you in case he turns into a big green monster during sex.

When you have your wedding night some day years from now will you need to ask your friend's permission?

If they don't respect you anymore afterward because you sleep with someone you fancy just tell them to f*ck off and get their own girlfriends.

Do what you want to do!

Stu wrote: »

Well said Sebastian. Don't look for your male friends approval in these type of situations. Do what feels right. Your instinct in this situation will tell you what to do. Tell your male friends to grow up if they try to get involved in your sex life or pass judgement on who you are sleeping with. Its none of their business. They should just be there to support you if your having a tough time with any guy you might be seeing or may see or sleep with in the future.

In fairness I don't think that any of her male friends are attempting to stop her seeing this guy from her post. The only problem she has with them appears to be in her own head.

Sebastien De Valmont

HavingCrack wrote: »

In fairness I don't think that any of her male friends are attempting to stop her seeing this guy from her post. The only problem she has with them appears to be in her own head.

And who put that in her head? She is allowing herself to be manipulated by a bunch of saps who are pretending to be her big brothers but are actually shutting her off from other men because they know they can't get with her themselves.

HavingCrack

Sebastien De Valmont wrote: »

And who put that in her head? She is allowing herself to be manipulated by a bunch of saps who are pretending to be her big brothers but are actually shutting her off from other men because they know they can't get with her themselves.

I really amn't getting that feeling at all from her post to be honest. I think you're reading too much into the the presence of her flatmates as she's only mentioned them once.

Sebastien De Valmont

HavingCrack wrote: »

I really amn't getting that feeling at all from her post to be honest. I think you're reading too much into the the presence of her flatmates as she's only mentioned them once.

Really?

I'm afraid if I did sleep with him I would (a) lose any respectability in the eyes of my male friends (he is a "talk about your feelings" kinda guy, he would discuss the situation with his close friends, who are also my close friends),

I believe that is the whole point of what she is talking about is it not? Or did I miss something? Hmm?

carmel27

Dont do it. Buy a vibrator. All the fun without feeling bad afterwards!