Would you be annoyed?

LegacyUser

Opinions needed thanks.

A girl I know broke up with her partner a few weeks before they planned to go on hols. She asked if I'd go with her and while I couldnt really afford it I said yes. She'd have lost her money otherwise and I did need a break and thought I could cheer her up.

We go and while there they decide to make a go of it, so the day we fly back I am left at an airport a 4-hour bus drive away from home with all my luggage to make my way back. The initial plan was we would drive back together as had left her car at airport.

Am I wrong to think she should have seen me home as the bus involved stopovers and changes and to drive would have taken less than 2 hours.

Is it wrong that she saw me to a bus and went off on her merry way. Or should I not be boethered and am taking it too personally?

Yes she was very rude and selfish. Particularly given that you were so supportive of her in her time of need.

LegacyUser

OP here

Thanks Moonbaby. I was really surprised to be honest. It was a long day travelling and at the end to be just dumped on a bus was quite upsetting. I can't imagine doing that to someone, esp as she could have driven back to him the next day as she's off work

Just wanted someone to say it was OK to be hurt.

jimmycrackcorm

Op, you are a big girl now. You didn't need someone to drive you home. I presume that she was going a different direction and so it would have been out of her way to take you

LegacyUser

I know that jimmy and take your point.

I suppose it was just a long day travelling 12hours in all and I think that it wasn't so much the being left at the airport it was other things that happened that compounded it all. But thanks for your input. She's off another week so after all the money I spent that I didnt have it was just a kick in the teeth to be lugging stuff home for hours after landing.

Thanx.

mood

It is crap when friends change plans made with you over a guy. She should have stuck to the plans that were made. After all you did her a good turn by going on hols with her when she was stuck with tickets.

LegacyUser

Thanx mood.

It isn't just the bus thing, other things happened when away, so I think in my head I was thinking arrrgggh final straw.

AnonoBoy

If they'd said they would drive you home and you didn't make any other arrangements because of that then you you could be a small bit annoyed but it's a small irritation, not that big a deal - hardly worth falling out over though.

!!!

You have every right to be annoyed and I would have been very upset.

MistyCheese

OP, you put yourself out for her, she declined to return the favour, you know what to do the next time she wants something.

I'm not saying that to be petty, if you continue to be reliable for people who don't appreciate it they will walk all over you and wipe their feet on your good nature.

If this was a once-off and she's generally a good friend then I would put her actions down to being excited to be back with her boyfriend.

rugbug86

wouldyoube wrote: »

Thanx mood.

It isn't just the bus thing, other things happened when away, so I think in my head I was thinking arrrgggh final straw.

Perhaps she was also thinking that other things happened when you were away and needed a bit of space away from you?

With absolutely no disrespect to you OP, and from personal experience, holidays with just two girls can result in an awful lot of time being spent together, living together, only talking to each other etc etc, and it can result in little petty arguments that can blow up and be sorted, or worse, just fester until you say goodbye at the airport.

From past experiences, me and my best friend (who lived across the road from me) got separate taxis home from the airport!!

To be honest, yes, she should have offered you a spin home, especially after all the expense you went through etc, but don't read too much into it - perhaps she was just needing a bit of space. And as you said yourself, 12 hours travelling is a long time - maybe she was too tired to drive?

And she was probably dying to see the boyfriend.

Selfish, yes. If it's the first time something like this has happened, forget it - we all know what its like to start/rekindle a relationship. If its a common occurance, say something to her.

Ickle Magoo

Regardless of what happened on holiday, if the plan was that you would get a lift home after agreeing to step in and help her out then she was bloody rude and selfish to just dump you at the bus stop and drive off.

If she asks for you to step in and help her again, you know what to say...

Rented Mule

First time dealing with a woman coming out of a relationship OP ?

I have BEEN there.

LegacyUser

rugbug86 wrote: »

Perhaps she was also thinking that other things happened when you were away and needed a bit of space away from you?.

With all due respect I very much doubt it. After being told by her it was the best holiday she'd had in years I know in my heart I couldnt return the favour.

We have met since the incident and guess what - she blew me out again. I'm really over it. This is the third time she has blown me out for her on/off/on/off bf in the past month - once in particular leaving me out of pocket. I have more respect for myself than to accept it. My friends are very important to me and after relaying to my closest friends a few details from the holiday that I wont go into here, they have said she is using me. I agree.

Thanks everyone for your input. It was good to see both sides. While I understand she was dying to see him, she was off the rest of the week as was he. It would have been totally different if, like me, she was due back at work the next day and wouldnt have been able to see him till the weekend.

rugbug86

wouldyoube wrote: »

With all due respect I very much doubt it. After being told by her it was the best holiday she'd had in years I know in my heart I couldnt return the favour.

See I just wasn't sure what context you meant how other stuff had happened.

In that case, yes, you've got a very selfish friend!

LegacyUser

rugbug86 wrote: »

See I just wasn't sure what context you meant how other stuff had happened.

In that case, yes, you've got a very selfish friend!

That's OK. I wasnt very clear as I didn't want to be too specific. We agreed to get bus transfers and she went online and booked expensive chauffer-driven transfers and then told me about it. I was expected to fork out three times what I had planned on. I earn a lot less. Things like that happened a good bit.

ddef

best advice i can give and no disrespect:
its extremely petty and dont let it become a big thing that could dent the friendship.

newtoboards

Did you tell your friend any of this? One of the biggest problems with friendships going pear shaped is a great lack of communication. Did you not consider asking her while at the bus stop, sorry I thought you were giving me a lift home. Also with the bus transfers while on holiday, did you tell her you couldn't really afford it. Unless you told her all this then she has no idea how you felt/feel. Perhaps you should talk to her and see what she says

LegacyUser

newtoboards wrote: »

Did you tell your friend any of this? One of the biggest problems with friendships going pear shaped is a great lack of communication. Did you not consider asking her while at the bus stop, sorry I thought you were giving me a lift home. Also with the bus transfers while on holiday, did you tell her you couldn't really afford it. Unless you told her all this then she has no idea how you felt/feel. Perhaps you should talk to her and see what she says

Hi there

She knew about the transfers as we checked it out online and I said the price was very high for the chauffer thing and we agreed to get public transport. She later booked the chauffer thing online and said that she thought it would be really nice to be able to land and just get to where we were going. Well, yes, obviously, but not at some ridiculously high price that she knew was over my budget! I felt really trapped at that point and didn't want to say anything as I felt it would ruin the holiday. I just thought it bang out of order when I said the transfers were too expensive to just book it anyway thinking she would just talk me around afterwards.

Re the bus home. Of course she knew it put me out - I had to work the next day, she didn't and I was very surprised when she told me. She suggested I get a particular close friend to pick me up, but I said that there is no hope of that and I wouldnt ask a friend to take time off work to drive several hours to collect me and pick me up anyway. I think asking if a particular friend of mine could come get me was softening the blow as it wasn't a straight out 'you'll have to get the bus'.

Anyway, I've thought about it a bit over the weekend and will be talking to her. She wasnt with the bf this weekend so there were a few invites out but I'd already made plans and to be honest I think I needed a bit of cool-off space.

I want to tell her all this - and will - as if our friendship has any chance of moving forward then it makes no sense to bottle it all up.

Thanks for your post

LegacyUser

ddef wrote: »

best advice i can give and no disrespect:
its extremely petty and dont let it become a big thing that could dent the friendship.

I don't think it's petty at all, especially when combined with the two other times I've mentioned in this post that I have been ditched at the last minute. If this was an isolated event then of course I'd forget about it. Things happen, couples break up ad get back together all the time.

I feel like I am constantly her back-up plan. I'm there to listen when the goings bad and when the goings good I'm let down (and usually at very short notice).

I plan to tell her all this as I'd rather be upfront about it all.

As she is in her mid-40s I'd have thought she'd have a bit more understanding regarding the importance of friends as well as boyfriends/partners.